


Saturated Soul

by nikogda



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Grief, Friends to Lovers, Grief, Happy Ending, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Open Ending, POV Changes, Pining, Rebirth, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Vampire AU, Vampires, alternative universe, mention of animal death (a chicken)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 94,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26370082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogda/pseuds/nikogda
Summary: Harry lives a lifetime without Louis until he finds him in the 1930s. He’s drawn to him like the Louis he had fallen for over 100 years ago. They get close but in the end, as long as Louis is human, Harry has to let him go. He watches Louis age and eventually in the 80’s he passed of old age.It's been twelve years since Louis had passed away. Twelve years that Harry hasn't felt him, hasn't been able to sense him. His other half is gone. They were soul mates. Aren't soulmates supposed to live long happy ever after?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 19
Kudos: 58
Collections: 1D Mythical Fic Fest





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR NOTE--  
> hey! This has reincarnation/rebirth! There is mourning over death and death happens in the fic so Just FYI!  
> But I’m not tagging it mcd cause surprise, REBIRTH  
> Lets pretend photography was a standard in 1828  
> War of The Worlds broadcast in 1938 but it happened in 1930 in my fic.  
> I alter some ages to fit the story.
> 
> ________________  
> I absolutely want to thank so many people who helped me with this.  
> I appreciate you all.

_Louis. 1930_

Louis sighed as he kicked the old fan that was set on the wooden floor. He stared it down with a glare as if it would suddenly turn back on or be engulfed in flames. One of the two; either would be fine.

“Stupid waste of money,” he mumbled at the fan.

Of all the evenings it had to stop working it picked this one? It was late at night during an unusually warm October, the sun having set long ago. The sky was dark and overcast, a heavy, thick air surrounded him and his small secluded farmhouse. Rain was moving in and he could smell it in the air. Despite it being autumn, the day had been on the warm side and the evening wasn’t showing any signs of cooling off. It just felt thick and muggy with no air flow in the small farmhouse. 

Louis pushed the fan aside with his foot before he looked out the screen door. He was watching as lightning struck in the distance. It shot across the sky and a moment later he could hear the crackle of thunder before it rolled through the air. Louis checked the latch on his screen door once more, making sure the door was secure for the evening, before he moved towards the recliner across the room. 

Louis flipped the radio on as he went to sit, a voice crackling through static before becoming clearer. He needed something to fill the still air. It was quiet out tonight; more so than most nights. But a storm was in the distance and he assumed that was why he was barely even hearing the normal barking of dogs around his place. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t hear them at all, just a heavy silence outside the screen door. He turned his attention away from the darkness that lingered behind the old door and looked over at the radio as static and a loud beep came through.

“We take a moment from the evening program to bring you some breaking news. Reports are coming in once more of loved ones gone missing. New reports show some have been found deceased with what appear to be bites on their necks or wrists. We do not want to alarm folks, but we do however urge you to keep your doors locked. Do not panic. It is not wide spread ye-” Louis reached over and flipped the radio off. He could do without that nonsense. 

Most people enjoyed the stories that played occasionally on the radio. However, Louis did not. He wasn’t scared of them, he just found them to be pointless. Especially when they never tell about the program happening and just spring it on, giving most in the town a fright. One time, a story led many to believe they were under attack by aliens and sent people into a panic. One of Louis’ neighbours had run to Louis’ place seeking shelter as his parents had been out of town to buy some cattle. The poor boy had been so frightened he’d practically pissed himself. 

Louis moved to his feet. He didn’t feel like sitting in silence right now. He headed towards the bathroom, deciding a bath might be best. He could wash up, have a nice cup of tea, and turn in early. Maybe even before the storm hit. He turned on the faucet of his bath and, while the water warmed up, he moved to the old cracked mirror. He sighed a little as he listened to the rush of water to his left and there was a moment of content as he rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck slightly. Despite the heavy air and the unseasonably stifling heat, he was content. It was a good evening.

As he slowly stepped into the clawfoot tub and sank down into the lukewarm water, Louis closed his eyes and tilted his head back on the edge of the tub. He could hear the distant thunder moving closer and counted to sixty. He would at least give himself a moment to enjoy this before he went about washing his hair. He didn’t want to risk being in the tub when the storm officially arrived as he’d always heard that one shouldn’t take a bath during an electrical storm. It was supposed to not be safe. True or not, he never wanted to risk it. 

Louis sat up and grabbed the shampoo, making quick work of lathering it through his hair before he sank into the tub and scrubbed it out. He quickly washed himself up before he tugged the stopper of the bath and carefully stood from the tub.

Louis grabbed the towel that was hanging over the sink edge and began to pat his skin down before ruffling it through his short brown hair. He wrapped the towel around his waist as he left the bathroom and walked across the hall to his room. The old wooden floor creaked beneath the weight of his steps as he walked to the wardrobe and pulled it open, a heavy creak sounding from a loose hinge. He took a pair of green pajama bottoms that had seen better days and pulled them on his still damp legs.

Louis rummaged around for a shirt before opting for none. He’d likely remove his pajama bottoms before bed anyway, a shirt was just one more item to remove. He turned his attention to the window he’d opened before sunset, the sheer white floor length curtains blowing as the wind began to pick up. He could hear the windchimes in his tree begin to move amongst the overgrown branches. His attention was pulled to a sound above him and, glancing up, Louis frowned. He made a mental note to ask Mr. Rogers from down the road to come and trim the branches back. He hoped the branch that was scratching around the roof didn’t leave damage after the storm passed. The way the storm was building made him worry it may be a big one moving in.

Louis tossed his damp towel towards the wicker laundry basket, ignoring it as it barely made it in. He headed out of his room and shuffled down the hall. As he approached the doorway to the kitchen, Louis glanced over to the screen door. The hair on the back of his neck stood on its end and goosebumps decorated his forearms. A loud crack of thunder shot through the air, Louis jumped. 

He put his hand on his chest. “Fuck, Louis. Get a hold of yourself. Just a bit of a storm.”

He cleared his throat and headed into his small kitchen, grabbing the tea kettle and moving to the sink to put water in it. He went back to the stove and turned the knob, the hiss and click of the gas stove starting as he struck a match against the rough metal stove top. Once the flame appeared he put the kettle on and moved about preparing his cup with tea. He hummed to himself and decided to put the dishes away. It would be one less thing he’d have to do in the morning. The whistle of the kettle startled Louis from where he'd gotten distracted by the dishes, and once again he told himself he needed to relax.

The whistle of the kettle startled Louis and once again he told himself that he needed to relax. He was jumpy tonight and he blamed it on the storm and fatigue. He flipped the flame to the gas stove off and used a pot holder to move the kettle to the trivet on the counter. Louis poured the steaming water into the ceramic mug, watching as the steam rose up. He went back to humming to himself once more as he flipped the kitchen light off and headed into the living area. Louis could hear the rain as it began to fall and glanced once more at the screen door. 

This time, he didn’t look away. This time, he felt as if someone was standing on the other side of the door, looking right back at him. 

Louis frowned, slowly going over to the screen door and trying to peer out into the darkness. From what he could tell, which wasn’t much, there was nothing but darkness on the other side of the door. Occasionally the yard was lit up by the lightning around him. Louis touched over the latches that locked his door in place, feeling a bit calmer that they still were all as he’d put them earlier. He turned his back to the door and started to step away until a sound caused him to go still. He held his breath, a weird feeling overcoming him. He did not scare easily. He lived in a rural area, in a small town. He slept with the door and windows open during summer.

This feeling though, it crept across his skin, leaving goose bumps in its path. He heard it again. He knew that sound. The distinct groaning of the wooden porch under someone’s weight as they walked on it. He knew then that someone _was_ on the porch. Someone was on the other side of his screen door. 

He didn’t entertain the thought of it being an animal because his instincts told him that wasn’t what it was. That wasn’t uncommon either, an animal, it had been something he’d dealt with enough times to trust himself when it didn’t feel right. His stomach tensed, everything in him telling him there was another human on the other side of his old screen door. Louis glanced at the tea mug in his hand, the water vibrating as he shook. He took a deep breath and calmed himself. It could be anything, and he was likely wrong, just scaring himself. It’s a good night to get spooked easily. He mentally told himself to get over it and stop being so jumpy. 

Louis shot a glance back towards his chair before he looked back at the door. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to focus past the woven wire of the screen. He slowly leaned towards it and the smell of rain was thick in the air now. He could hear the wind as it pushed against his small home and blew through the heavy trees around his land, the thin wooden walls of the house creaking against the gusts of wind. He pushed his face towards the screen, feeling the rough wire against his skin as he peered out into the darkness. He saw nothing but black. A loud clap of thunder encased the heavy air around him, causing him to jump slightly. It was then he saw what was on the other side of the door. What was in the darkness before him. His tea mug fell to the floor, it’s contents spilling out all over the old wooden floor beneath his feet. He stood frozen, unable to move, despite the slight burning of the tea on the skin of his feet. The lightning illuminated the night around Louis once more and he saw the figure at the edge of his porch.

With a shaking hand Louis reached for the porch light, flipping the switch with a heavy click. There at the end of his porch facing him was a man who was staring right at Louis. His hair was to his shoulders and wet. Water dripped off his fingertips and Louis frowned. 

“Hello? Can I help you?” His voice came out small, but he cleared his throat and stood up straight. This was his home and he honestly didn’t scare easily. 

Nothing came from the man at the end of the porch, so Louis tried once more, speaking louder and with more authority. It seemed to work as the person hesitantly took a few steps forward.

“I’m cold. It’s raining out here.” His voice was slow and low. 

Louis nodded. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a stranger on his porch, though normally they show up when the sun is out, not at the late hours of the night when Louis is meant to be heading off to bed. 

“There’s a barn over there,” Louis said as he pointed to the left. “A few blankets and some hay. You can go there till the morning, the storm should pass by then. It’ll keep you dry for the evening.” He’d started to leave spare blankets in the barn, mostly for his horses come winter, but also for the few times someone did need a place to rest for the night. 

He wasn’t naive either. He was off a major road and he had people coming and going that he never spoke to. He’d rather they be polite and ask for permission, but there wasn't much he could do about it when he didn’t know until after they left. 

The man looked over his shoulder before he slowly brought his attention back to Louis, he nodded his head before turning and leaving with slow silent steps. Louis could hear the creaking of the wood beneath the man’s weight, but when his boots hit the wood there was no sound. Louis watched him as he went back into the darkness, his silhouette illuminated by the occasional lightning that lit up the world around him. Louis exhaled a heavy breath. He hadn’t noticed how tense he was, the air felt even heavier and thicker than it already had due to the storm. He sighed and moved to step back before he remembered that he’d spilled his tea. 

He cursed under his breath before kicking the cracked mug aside and closing the front door. He locked it and turned his back to the door. He couldn’t be bothered to clean up the mess tonight. It wasn’t going anywhere. Louis flipped the porch light back off before moving and turning off the lamp by the chair in the corner. He was going to head to bed, his body feeling heavily tense and fatigue creeping in on him. He headed to his room and pulled back the thin duvet, pushing off his pajama bottoms before climbing into bed. The old metal frame creaked under his weight as he shifted into a comfortable position. The storm outside built quickly now as he blinked his eyes closed, letting the sleep quickly overcome him. 

__________

The next morning Louis awoke to the sound of birds and an annoyance at it feeling a bit too early to be up, but he knew if he held off getting out of bed he would regret it. He likely had some cleaning up to do from the storm last night, if it had ended up being as bad as it seemed it was going to be. He picked up his pajamas from the night before and tossed them into a wicker basket before grabbing clothes for the day, a pair of old trousers and a white button down shirt. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbows as he grabbed a pair of boots and worn out thin brown socks. He sat on the small stool by the wardrobe to put them on and he glanced over at his reflection in the old oval freestanding mirror. He sighed as he got up and washed his face, brushed his teeth and went about his mundane morning routine. 

He flicked the gas burner on and sat the kettle on it before he grabbed a few pieces of bread. He moved to the bowl of eggs by the sink and picked up a few so he could start his breakfast. Louis opened the small kitchen window to allow the early morning breeze in before the day warmed up. He grabbed a plate from the cupboard and slid his eggs and toast onto it before he placed the pan in the sink and glanced out the window once more, seeing a man carrying a bundle of sticks and branches across his yard to a larger pile. Louis grabbed a dish towel and wiped his hands off, heading to his front door. He unlocked it and went to the edge of his porch. 

The morning sun shone harshley into his eyes before it slipped behind a thick cloud. 

“‘Scuse me, sir. Can I help you?” Louis yelled out, his hand over the top of his eyes to block the sunlight. 

The man in question dropped the sticks and turned around, his ruffled button down shirt was covered in dirt and a few extra buttons undone near the top. He wore wide legged trousers and Louis cleared his throat as he crossed his arms over his chest. The man stood up, arching his back and ran his fingers through his long hair, pushing it out of his face. 

“Morning, sir. You allowed me to stay in your barn and I thought as a thank you I could clean up the mess left from the storm during the night.” His voice was low and slow. He looked directly at Louis with wide eyes, blinking a few times before he glanced away. Louis squinted for a moment before he simply nodded, looking around the yard. He noticed a large pile of leaves and a few branches. “How long have you been awake?” 

The man shrugged. “Early riser.” 

“I appreciate the help, but you don’t have to,” Louis offered, though he really was thankful because the sun was already warm across his skin and he was sure another round of storms would be due this evening. It was one less thing for him to have to worry about.

“Quite alright. Don’t mind it much.” The man looked up at the sun before he looked back at Louis. “Would it be much of a bother if I rest in the barn some more? I’ll be gone before long.” 

Louis nodded. “Take your time, I appreciate the help. Do you need a drink? Some food?” 

“No, sir. I have some to spare. Thank you for your generosity.” 

Louis nodded before he turned and headed back inside. Once he was back in his kitchen, he took a seat at his small table to eat his breakfast that had already cooled. He sat quietly while he ate, going over a mental list of things he needed to do for the day. Once Louis had finished his breakfast he moved about his home doing his daily chores. 

He was currently sweeping along the front porch when he noticed that the clouds had begun to draw heavier across the sky. The heavy, thick air felt more humid and hotter as the hours slowly drifted by. 

He didn’t like the weather lately. He was ready for the cool temperatures and the brown and red leaves. It was unusual for it to get so warm during this time of year, but Louis knew that it would pass and soon enough he would be wishing that it was warm again.

He put the broom against the side of the porch and went inside to grab the egg basket. Louis plucked a few eggs from the noisy chicken coop then made his way to the barn and filled a metal pail with chicken feed. He scattered the feed around and watched as the chickens rushed out of the coop and clucked and pecked away at the ground. Louis took the opportunity and glanced around to see if he could spy the stranger from before. There was no sign of him. With that, he picked up the egg basket and made his way to the kitchen, washing the eggs before putting them away.

Louis spent the rest of his day being lazy, not really having much he needed to do. He had wandered around his property and found that most of the mess left behind by the storm had already been picked up. He would thank the stranger again if he saw him. He made his supper early in the evening before taking it out on the porch to eat it in the late day sun, watching as it set. The clouds in the distance grew larger and darker, a promise of another night of storms on the horizon. He sat his empty plate aside and stretched, arching his back as he stood. He headed towards the coop to check the lock for the night and smiled at his babies. He frowned when he noticed one of them at the back of the coop, laying still. 

Louis unlatched the cage door and entered, moving to the back of the small coop and gently picking up the lifeless hen. He pulled his hand that was beneath her chest away and frowned when blood specked it. He carried her out and latched the coop backup for the night before disposing of the deceased hen. He didn’t know what caused her to get injured, let alone end her life, but she was old and maybe a snake had gotten into the coop. He headed back to the house and startled when he saw the stranger sitting on his porch, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he played with a flower between his fingers. 

“May I help you?” Louis asked, stopping a few feet away. 

The man slowly stood up, nodding kindly to Louis. “I wanted to ask if I may spend another evening in your barn for shelter. I was going to head out but, as you can see,” he waved a hand towards the thick dark clouds in the distance, “it’s a bit obvious a storm is moving in. And rather quickly. I am unsure I could find another shelter if I left your barn.” 

Louis did a quick once over of the man, unsure of what to do. On one hand he had no issue letting the stranger stay in his barn again, and he had already stated that he could stay a little longer earlier. Louis wouldn’t have known any different if he’d stayed another night or not. On the other hand, he felt bad for leaving him in the barn. Louis knew it was not completely dry and that the nights brought a cool breeze. The man was staring at him, his green eyes large and bright. He looked young, and kind. He smiled weakly at Louis and Louis nodded. 

“That would be alright. Do you need a change of clothes? Overall you look like you wear a size larger than I do, but not too much. I could offer you a chance to clean up.'' 

The man shook his head. “The barn is enough, I could not ask for more. I have already asked for too much and you have been far too kind.” 

“It really is no bother, uh, what was your name?” he questioned, unsure if it had been given.

“Harry. My name is Harry.” Harry lightly scratched at his bare wrist, the signs of dirt obvious on his pale skin. 

“My name is Louis. Are you sure, Harry? About washing up? Do you have clean clothes?” 

“Sir, I have many clothes and I could not ask for anything more from you. You have been far too kind.”

“You’re not asking. I am offering, Harry.” 

Harry smiled and took the three old steps down from the porch, approaching Louis with his hands behind his back as he nodded. “Have a good evening, Louis. Stay dry.” 

And with that, Louis watched as he headed off towards the barn. 

Louis frowned a bit, something in him not wanting the man to go. He brushed it off as a small bout of loneliness. It happened from time to time as he lived alone and pretty secluded, his nearest neighbour was a bit of a walk away. 

His evening was quiet as he read in his chair before heading to bed. That night, the heavy wooden door was open, the screen door latched closed as the storm moved in. The bedroom window in his room was also open a bit for the cool breeze to flow through. 

Louis slept horribly. The night was filled with tossing and turning, waking at all hours of the night. Around 4, he gave in and got up, brewed some tea, and went out and sat on the porch. It was still raining and occasionally splatters of water would flick against his bare feet. He had them propped up on a small wooden table in front of him. He saw flickers of light towards the barn and frowned, knowing Harry must be up. At least he hoped it was Harry with a candle lit, since there was obviously fire of some sort in the wooden barn with lots of hay. Now he was concerned and worried that there was a chance it wasn’t Harry at all.

Louis got up and leaned against the wooden railing of his porch. He looked at the rain and noticed that it wasn’t falling heavily at the moment, so he went inside and slipped on a pair of worn out boots. He grabbed a large sweater and tugged it on. Stepping back outside, Louis glanced at his laces before he stepped off the porch and began to jog towards the barn. He slowed to a walk as he approached the heavy door and knocked on it, despite it being his property, he felt it was still polite. What if Harry was indecent? That would not only be awkward, but rather rude on Louis’ part. After a moment of nothing, Louis raised his arm to knock once more when he heard the door being pulled open, and he stepped back as Harry appeared. He glanced past him and saw two long candles lit and sat on top of books. A small thing of water beside them. 

“Sir? Is something the matter?” Harry’s eyes scanned out behind Louis, before falling on him with a slight frown. 

“I saw a flicker of light and was worried there may have been a fire. Did I wake you?” Louis questioned as his eyes fell onto Harry.

He was in a pair of high waisted black trousers, wide legged and shirtless. Around his neck was a black silk scarf. Louis watched as Harry glanced at his own chest.

“Oh, sorry, I’m a bit indecent. Please, come in. It’s a little chilly. You wouldn’t want to catch your death out there.” Harry turned away from the barn door and Louis watched as he walked over to a large black suitcase that was open and grabbed a long sleeved shirt. 

Louis took a few steps into the barn, as the muscles in Harry’s back shifted whilst he pulled the button down shirt on and began to do it up. It had a high collar and Harry pulled the scarf off only to wrap it around the collar of the shirt. His long hair fell in waves just past his shoulders. 

“I know this may sound rather foolish of me to ask, but did those tattoos hurt?” Louis asked while Harry sat down in a chair that Louis had left in the barn years ago. 

“Well, yes,” Harry said simply before adding, “Would you ever get one?”

Louis chuckled and shook his head. “Oh no. I do not have such courage for pain like that. I once watched a friend of mine get one. I could never.” 

Harry smiled, turning the large white pillar candles around, watching the flame flickering. “Honestly, it isn’t so bad.” 

“If you say so. I’ll just stay bare skinned.” Louis frowned at his wording, shaking his head when Harry laughed. 

“How old are you, if I may ask?” Harry spoke, one leg straightening out in front of him. His feet bare and dirt covered. “I am twenty-six, and you?” 

“Mm, I believe I am twenty-four.” Harry pulled his leg back towards him, crossing his feet at the ankles. 

Louis narrowed his eyes curiously, “You believe? What, were you an orphan?”

“Oh. No. I am twenty-four. I was not an orphan.” Harry wasn’t looking at Louis, instead he looked down at his hands, picking at the skin by the nail on his middle finger. 

“I am sorry, I should not have asked such a thing. About the orphan part.” 

This time Harry looked up, eyes meeting Louis’, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “It really is okay, Louis. I do not mind. I am staying in your barn, after all. Which, again, I thank you for.”

“Well, as long as you need. It really does just sit here. My horses wander to an old stall across the way. It’s farther out, but they refuse to come here so it tends to sit unused. But with this weather, I know it is leaky and drafty. I do feel like a bad host.” 

“I have stayed in worse. I will be on my way come dawn.” 

“As you wish. If you would like to wash up before you leave, you are free to,” Louis offered again. 

Harry declined once more. After that, Louis made his way back to his house and to bed after changing into dry clothes. He hoped he could catch a few more hours of sleep. 

__________

Louis did not see Harry again after that. He was gone like he said he would be when Louis awoke the next morning. 

Louis went into town in his Model A 1927 truck and loaded up on chicken feed and food for himself along with other various items. He’d run into a friend on his way into town, pulling over to have a quick chat with him. He’d laughed him off when he said he had worried Louis had fallen victim to whatever killer was on the loose in town. Louis hadn’t paid attention, not turning on the radio in the last few days after the first night of storms. He rarely did turn it on unless he knew he needed to, or was that bored of the silence. 

It was because of this, that when his friend, Liam, had told him that there had actually been people going missing and being found later deceased from bites to their necks, he laughed. He was unaware that Liam was being serious. Someone apparently _was_ killing people. 

But things seemed to have gone back to normal in their tiny town. Louis was not too worried anyway. Things happened sometimes and he came from a larger city where things had happened like that before. It was always joked that a vampire was traveling through, but it was just a scary story told to frighten each other as children. 

When he returned home, he unloaded all his purchases and took the chicken feed out to the barn before going to feed his small flock. He then secured the latch for the night and checked on his horses before heading in. 

He latched the screen door, leaving the wooden door open. The air was still and humid around him and he scolded himself for forgetting to look for a fan while he’d been in town. 

After all his errands and chores, Louis was hungry and dirty, so he made himself a sandwich before he went and grabbed a shower. It felt so good, he let the water turn cold before he finally decided to get out, welcoming the cool air against his damp skin. He pulled on a pair of loose fitting pajama pants, deciding against a shirt as he wandered around his home, cracking the windows a little to hopefully bring some air in. As he stood back and watched in his bedroom window, the floor length sheer curtains laid at rest against the window. Not even a whisper of a breeze.

Louis didn’t make tea that night, or any other night for a week for that matter. The air had remained hot and muggy, like a thick blanket wrapped around him and the small farmhouse. When normally the nights would bring relief, they seem to just bring a stillness with them. Louis spent a lot of nights sitting on his porch, drinking water and watching the empty sky above him, hoping for a cloud, for a breeze. Hell, Louis would welcome a dust storm at this point, anything to send a coolness into the air. 

Another week had passed and, on his way back to the house from tending to the horses, Louis found another dead chicken. He picked it up and tossed it, not even bothering. He was down four chickens. Two remained and he suspected it was only a matter of time before they too would perish. He startled when he came upon a man standing on his porch, his head was down as he kicked at something on the bottom step. 

“Can I help you?” Louis questioned as he got closer. 

The man looked up. His hair was pulled back in a bun. His shirt was dirty, half unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Fitted black trousers along his long legs. He nodded a greeting towards Louis. 

“Evening. I was just wondering if I may be able to borrow your barn again,” Harry asked. 

Louis watched as Harry straightened up, clasping his hands behind his back, he nodded. “Would you rather have a bed instead? I have a spare. It’s small, not much, and maybe a tad dusty too. But, it’s not hay.” 

Harry straightened his shoulders and stepped off the porch, approaching Louis. “The barn will do. I appreciate the kindness, Louis.” 

Harry nodded and bid Louis a farewell as he headed towards the large barn, and Louis headed into his house, latching the screen door in place. 

That night, the wind built up and brought thick dark clouds that littered the sky with bits of pink, blocking out the thousands of stars above. The following night a storm came and Louis actually stood out in it, sighing in the cool relief. He almost wanted to sleep on the porch, but a glance at the old wooden deck had him heading back inside. As he went to latch the door, something caught his eye and he stepped back out on the porch, his shirt and trousers sticking to him. 

“Harry? Is that you?” he yelled out into the rain. 

Harry was soaking wet as he approached, stepping up onto the porch and running his hand over his face before pushing his wet hair out of it. “I am sorry, Louis. I didn't mean to disturb you.” 

“You didn’t. I was just enjoying the rain. What are you doing out in it?” Louis asked him, leaning against his door frame.

“I could ask you the same.” Harry smiled at him before crossing his arms over his chest, his shirt tightening around his upper arms.

Louis drew his eyes away quickly, meeting Harry’s instead. “It’s been so hot, the cool rain was such a welcome I couldn’t help myself.” on his bare feet before stepping aside, Louis asked, “Will you continue to decline my offer? A shower, a dry bed. Maybe even some food?” 

“I will, sir, and I will bid you a good evening. You stay dry. Don’t want to catch your death.” Harry nodded a farewell and headed back out into the rain and Louis frowned. 

He really was not sure what to take of this stranger who stayed in his barn, who apparently preferred the hay and dirt floor to a bed and a duvet. 

A few nights later, Louis was walking towards his living room, when he stopped in front of the screen door. He peered out into the darkness, the hair on his arms standing up. He felt like he was being watched and he couldn’t shake the sensation. He looked over the latches before turning to go into the kitchen, a crash of lightning startling Louis when he saw the silhouette of someone on his porch. He rushed to his door, flipping the light switch with a click. He jumped back, startled to see Harry standing there and staring at him. 

Louis moved to unlatch the door as Harry’s eyes tracked his movements. Louis slowed his hands to a stop, pulling them back from the second latch on the screen door as he watched the way Harry’s eyes continued to follow his hands. He cleared his throat, which pulled Harry’s attention to his face. Harry’s pupils appeared large in the flickering light from the screen door. Louis hesitated before he put his hand on the latch.

“Harry, can I help you?” 

Harry’s eyes peered into his through the flickering light. A chill ran through Louis and he pulled his hand back. 

Louis took a step back from his door and Harry’s eyes narrowed as he looked down at Louis’ feet. 

“The barn is leaking,” Harry said quietly.

Louis took a deep breath before letting it out and running his hand through his hair. “Harry. How long have you been standing out here?” 

Harry shrugged, watching Louis closely as he stepped forward, undoing the latch on the door. 

Louis opened it, stepping aside. “Would you like to come in?” 

Louis waited as Harry stood still, not moving. Harry slowly raised his head up, eyes finding Louis’ in the flickering light by the door. He blinked at Louis before he smiled. It was tight lipped and looked forced. 

Louis cleared his throat and huffed out, “Harry, please come in.”

With that, Harry took a step forward, entering Louis’ home. 

Louis let the screen door slam closed, latching it again before he turned and looked at Harry, who was once again staring at him. Louis narrowed his eyes in question before he walked past him, his bare shoulder brushing across Harry’s clothed one. Harry felt cold as he passed him, and Louis frowned.

“This way to the guest room. You can have a wash up in the bathroom, which is this door here.” Louis pointed to a door half closed as he stopped by another door and opened it up, walking into the room and over to a large dresser, Louis tugged a stubborn drawer open and pulled out some matches to light the oil lamp that was sat on top of the dresser. He looked over as he heard Harry walk in, the floorboards creaking under his weight. 

Harry’s demeanor seemed different now as he smiled towards Louis and gave a quick nod. “Thank you for inviting me into your home, Louis.” 

Louis raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been inviting you, Harry. You kept declining.” Louis watched as Harry sat on the bed and didn’t respond. “Alright. Well, would you like a towel?” 

Harry looked up at Louis from where he was running his hand along the stitching of the thick white duvet. “I guess it would be quite rude of a guest to sleep in an offered bed in the mess I am in.” 

Louis chuckled. “I mean you can do as you wish, but I will leave a towel and some spare clothes on the sink for you in the bathroom. I will see you in the morning, Harry. Rest well.”

Harry nodded a farewell, and Louis turned and headed to his own room. He went to his closet and grabbed some spare clothes that Harry could sleep in and wear tomorrow until he got his own. Louis also grabbed a towel out of the cupboard between the bathroom and the guest room. He folded everything and set it on the counter by the sink before he turned around and jumped when Harry was standing right there. Louis put his hand to his chest, his heart pounding as he took a deep breath.

“Jesus, Harry! You startled me.” 

Harry offered Louis an apologetic smile before he stepped aside. “Apologies, sir. I thought you knew I was there.” 

Louis shook his head. “It’s alright. Have a good night.” 

He headed into his room and closed the bedroom door behind him before he slipped the latch. Despite him and Harry being on a first name basis and friendly terms, he was still a stranger. Louis would rather not risk anything and he felt safer behind the latch of his closed door. 

That night, Louis woke, tossing and turning. He felt as if someone was always standing at the foot of his bed, although when he’d look and squint into the darkness, he never saw anyone or anything. It was a feeling he couldn’t shake, but would talk himself back to sleep. 

The next morning, Louis woke up after the sun had already risen. He was a bit annoyed to find that he had slept in. 

He moved from his bed to the window and pulled the shades aside to look out. He realized he could easily blame the weather for his late rise as the sun was hidden behind thick dark clouds. Another day promised to be filled with rain. Louis crawled back into the warmth of his bed as he shivered from the chill in his room. He spent another hour or so in his bed, reading a book and just being lazy.

He’d forgotten about Harry until there was the sound of a door being opened and closed just outside his room. Louis looked towards the door and tried to listen for the sound of footsteps. He couldn’t hear Harry moving around the house and assumed he’d be able to as his floorboards had a tendency to give his location away as he moved about the small house. 

Louis shook his head a little as he went back to his book, slowly getting pulled into the plot once more when he heard the door open and close again. He continued to read until he noticed that the pattern repeated whenever a few minutes passed with no other sound. 

Louis tugged a slender slip of paper from the back of his book and placed it to mark his page. He closed and set it on the bedside table before finally getting dressed for the day. 

Once he was clothed, he unlatched his door and opened it. He was slightly startled when he found Harry sitting in the hall, his knees pulled to his chest as he looked up towards Louis.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked.

“I was waiting on you to rise.” Harry slowly moved to his feet, his chest bare and he was wearing the bottoms that Louis lent him.

Louis pulled his eyes from Harry’s naked torso and glanced towards the living area before he looked back at Harry. He was still looking at Louis.

“You could've knocked. I have been up for a while. I was just being lazy, I’m sorry. Are you hungry?” “That would be quite rude of me to do. And I am not, thank you though.”

“Well, do you have stuff in the barn? You can bring it in. If you have laundry to do, I have a load to do myself, so I can do yours too,” Louis suggested as he headed into the living room. 

Harry followed close behind. “I can do my own, I do not mind. I appreciate the offer.” Harry backed up when Louis turned around, shaking his head.

“If you insist, however I really do not mind. It gives me something to do.”

“It gives _me_ something to do.” Harry smiled at Louis. 

Louis couldn’t help but smile back at him and he nodded. “Alright. You can do your own. I will show you where everything is once we get back from the barn.” 

Louis slipped on his boots as he watched Harry walk back towards the guest room, the door closing. Louis went out onto the porch and frowned. The rain was just spitting down around him. 

He hated this kind of thing. It was more annoying than anything. Louis headed out towards the barn and pulled the heavy door open, looking around. 

Harry had scarves laid out over an old workbench and a bag with clothes spilling out. He’d made a bed out of the hay and spare blankets, even a few Louis assumed belong to him. 

There were also candles randomly placed about the barn. He found the leak a few feet from the makeshift bed and frowned. It looked like something had fallen through . Louis sighed, as he turned around only to slam into a solid form. His hands shot out in front of him, and grasped on to whatever it was that he had collided into.

“Careful there,” Harry spoke as his hands reached out for Louis by his upper arms. 

Louis exhaled and shook his head. “Going to give a man a heart attack, Harry.” “That would be a shame.” Harry dropped his hands and stepped back from Louis. He looked around the room before going to gather his things, shoving it all into another large cloth bag. 

“I never saw you carrying these bags.” Louis watched Harry move about.

Harry glanced over his shoulder at Louis. “I left one bag here when I left after the first time. I just assumed it would be safe. I put the other one in here before seeking shelter again. When I first showed up, I admit that I had already been staying in your barn. I had only meant to stay one night, but the storms halted my travels. That was when I came to your door.” 

Louis nodded. “It’s fine. I know that you are not the first person to seek shelter without my being aware.”

Harry finished gathering his things and they headed back to Louis’ house. 

“I have to go into town in a few days. I can work out having someone come and repair the barn.” 

“I will be leaving in a few days as well,” Harry said. 

Louis did not respond. 

When they got back, Harry did his own laundry and Louis made himself something to eat. He kept offering to make Harry something as well, but he declined. He said he had food in his bags that he could eat if he was hungry, and Louis had no reason to not believe him. 

They moved about each other as Harry hung his clean laundry on a line in the dining room to dry. Louis had told him it was what he always used, long ago giving up on keeping the wood floors nice because the weather was so finicky that he had to hang his wash to dry somehow. Louis watched Harry hang his clothes up on the line, inspecting the items from a distance. They didn’t look like anything that others wore and Louis asked Harry about them. 

“I tend to make my own clothes. I don’t really enjoy what everyone wears these days, so I began to sew my own. Figured if I have to wear it, I might as well enjoy it,” Harry said as he hung a light pink shirt with stitched flowers on it. 

Louis blinked and shot a glance towards Harry, who was watching him. 

“These days?” Louis chuckled. “Twenty-four, you said? Not much has changed in the fashion world, Harry.” 

Harry smiled over at Louis. “Correct. I still like my designs better.” 

“Well, from the little I have seen, they suit you.” Louis smiled a little when Harry ducked his head down and mumbled a soft thank you. 

_______________

Having Harry around was sometimes a bit much for Louis. He was so used to being alone that the constant company was starting to get to him. 

Every night while Louis ate his supper, Harry would sit with him and ask him questions. It was only a few things, but Louis couldn’t recall being so open to anyone. Harry showed such an interest in Louis’ life and the attention was all so unfamiliar to Louis. 

Sometimes, he needed a break so he would take long walks around midday before the temperatures began to drop; spend time out in the country alone with his thoughts. 

Some days, though, he wished Harry would leave. It wasn’t that Louis disliked him. It was the opposite, in fact. Louis also didn’t dislike the questions so much as he just wasn’t used to someone asking him anything, let alone actually showing an interest in his responses. He tried asking Harry things in return, but always received vague answers. 

In the two weeks Harry had stayed with Louis, he had learned that not only could Harry make his own clothes, but he could also knit and make candles from animal fat. He’d given Louis some and, much to Louis’ displeasure, he learned how awful they smelled. 

Harry offered him some with essential oils, if Louis happened to have any animal fat to spare. Louis simply walked away without responding to Harry when he’d asked. 

Louis did want to know how one would store animal fat, though. Admittedly he did seek Harry out later and asked him. When he found out how, he proceeded to be grossed out and left once more. Louis slowly adjusted to having Harry around. He could not, however, adjust to how Harry would randomly appear in the same room as if he had been there the entire time and scaring Louis in the process. Harry was eerily quiet, and Louis rarely noticed him coming and going, but he found he enjoyed their little chats. It was as if Harry had a quota of Louis information he needed for the day to be happy, because as soon as he was done, he’d head off to the guest room for the night. 

Louis also discovered that when Harry sat at the table to chat, he would inch closer and closer until their feet touched. It only took a few nights of that before Louis found himself wanting to inch a little closer, just enough that their thighs might touch. He mentally scolded himself for that thought. 

Louis sat on the front porch, watching as dark clouds slowly rolled in. They were different from the storm clouds. They carried snow, and Louis was dreading it. He’d had the radio on around early afternoon while he swept the house and they predicted heavy snowfall over the next day and into the night. As he looked at the clouds moving in now, though, he realised the snow may hit sooner than he’d planned for. 

With a heavy sigh he stood to his feet and walked to the front door, opening it some. When he looked in, he spotted Harry sitting in one of his chairs, his legs crossed as he did needle work. “I think the snow is going to be here before too long.” 

Harry looked up from his work and towards Louis. 

“I’m going to go cover the horses and put them in the barn.” 

“Do you need any help?” Harry asked as he set his needle work aside.

Louis held a hand up. “No, I got it. Done it many times before.” Harry didn’t seem pleased by the response he’d been given, but Louis could use the time alone. He just felt it would be polite to let Harry know that he was heading to the pasture. 

It took Louis less time than he’d thought it might, the horses going willingly with him as he guided them to the barn. It took him even less time to cover them and, before he knew it, he was done. 

He groaned as he laid his forehead against the side of one of his horses. Louis was frustrated. He’d grown to like Harry, enjoyed his little quirks and the nightly questions. He was still not used to having someone around all the time, and found he felt relieved when he’d wake up and discover that he had his house to himself. But he also disliked that he would slowly start to worry when the sun had set and he’d not seen Harry all day. He was conflicted and constantly going between wishing Harry would leave and hoping that he wouldn’t. 

He felt like he was waiting for something to happen. He wasn’t sure what it was either. He also felt a weird pull towards Harry and it wasn’t helping anything. 

As he walked back to his house and spotted a flickering candle from the guest bedroom window, Louis sighed and turned his attention to the sky. The thousands of stars that danced above him made him smile and feel warm. He could see the edge of the clouds slowly moving in and he stood, listening to the quiet around him as he watched them slowly disappear, one by one. Once the stars had been blanketed by the thick clouds, Louis gave one last look towards his house and continued his walk towards it. He had to go back in. 

____________________

Louis woke shivering. The light of the sun was blocked out by the pile of snow that had built up against his window. He glared at the panel of white as he got out of bed and hurried to his dresser. 

He pulled on an undershirt with long sleeves before he pulled a button up on over that one. He tugged on some wool trousers over his legs and kept his shirt untucked as he found two pairs of socks to put on. He doubled up on them to help keep himself warm as he quickly left his room and headed into the living area. 

He needed to start the fire to warm his house quickly. His hands were cold as he picked the last bit of wood from the log rack. He did a double take as he realised he only had enough for one fire and not enough to keep it going throughout the day. 

Louis was murmuring under his breath when Harry startled him as he began to speak. 

Louis turned around and glared at him. “Will you ever stop doing that?” Harry had a sheepish grin on his face. “Sorry, Louis. Are you having trouble?” “No. It’s just that I noticed that I do not have any more wood to keep the fire going today.” 

Harry nodded slightly. “I believe it snowed more than they anticipated. The power is out also. I tried to get out of the front door and could not do it. The gusts blew the snow onto the porch and it’s built up against the door.” Louis looked at Harry, only noticing now that he was dressed in layers and a long black wool coat. The power being out wasn’t an issue. His home wasn’t fully powered and he was not used to it just yet, but staying warm might be. He watched Harry glance down at himself, his hands moving out a little at his sides. Louis found it a bit endearing and went back to starting his fire. 

“I climbed out of the guest bedroom window and walked around to clear it from the door. It is not safe if we can not get out.” “You really did not have to do such a thing, Harry,” Louis stated as he stood, admiring his small fire. He held his hands out towards the heat and sighed. 

“I did though.” When Louis turned back to say something else to Harry, he found he was alone in the living area. He sat in his chair and let the warmth of the fire slowly fill the room. He knew there were old newspapers in the kitchen but he wasn’t sure if there was any wood he could add. Or anything that didn’t have a varnish on it. He had a few things in the attic but he didn’t know how safe it would be to burn something that had been stained. 

Once he felt warm enough, he got up and headed into the kitchen and started some tea. He stood by the kettle as the fire beneath it brought the water to a boil and kept his hands nearby to keep them warm, waiting until the whistle blew. Louis was busy stirring milk into his tea when he heard the slam of his screen door. He took a few steps back to look into his living area and spotted Harry bringing in some wood. 

“Where did you find those?” Louis asked as he picked up his tea and walked into the living area. 

“They’ve been on the side of the barn, they’re barely wet but the ones that are should dry out easily enough. There’s more. I don’t know how much you will need, but I can bring them up to the house.” 

Louis wasn’t going to argue, he hated the cold with a deep passion. If Harry was volunteering to go out into the snow to bring wood in, who was he to argue? “Yes, please. I can make you a cup of tea, or breakfast. The fridge still feels rather cool. With the snow we can place things out in it if we need to keep it cold.” Harry shook his head before he headed back towards the door. “I’ve had some bread and biscuits that I had with me. I’m good, thank you. But go ahead and take care of yourself.” 

The day moved slowly for Louis after that. He went about making himself some breakfast, eating it as he watched Harry bring in more wood. Louis then did his washing up as Harry stacked the wood by the front door. Louis moved to the living area and watched him separate the ones that could be used sooner from the ones that still needed to dry out. 

When Harry proceeded to point out the piles to Louis, Louis listened along then looked around his house. There wasn’t much to do and he couldn’t go tend to his land, not that he had anything to tend to. He normally would go check on his horses and chickens, but he knew the chickens would be fine. He’d put feed inside their coop yesterday morning, so they would be fine for another day. He couldn’t even turn on the radio without power, though, and he couldn’t think of anything to do to entertain himself. 

It was Harry who saved Louis when he found himself being on the edge of agitation. 

“So you said a few nights ago that you inherited the farm? What made you decide to move out here instead of selling it? For once Louis was relieved by the question. “I thought it might be good for me to get out of the city. I’d gone to a boarding school for some years and then came home to help Mum with the girls. I did continue my education, but it wasn’t as fancy. Though, if I can be honest, I liked it much better that way.” 

“Do you find you enjoy solitude more than the company of loved ones?” Louis shook his head. “No, I love my family. But I just needed a change. Now I’ve grown used to this place and being alone enough that when I do go visit them, I’m ready to come home and be alone again. But do not get me wrong, I love them very much.” Harry nodded. “No, I understand what you mean. I travel with company. When we stay in a town for so long, we separate for some time.” “How do you know where to find them once you are ready to leave?” 

“When we arrive and find a place to stay, we let each other know, but we also agree to meet.” Louis nodded a little. He noticed how Harry didn’t seem to finish his thought. 

“The guest room has no fireplace. I cannot have you catching your death at night.” Louis dug his fingers into his palm as he made a fist in his lap. He wasn’t sure what he was saying or implying, but the words came out before he really had a grasp on them. 

“I will be fine, Louis. You worry about yourself. We cannot have you getting ill.” 

Louis stared at Harry for a moment. He had an idea and he wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to even think of offering it up. As if he could read Louis’ thoughts, Harry spoke up.

“Whatever it is you have to say, you can say it.” 

Louis looked towards the front window, watching as more snow had begun to fall. “You are free to share my bed with me. We are two adults, and it is rather cold, even with the fire going.” 

Harry didn’t respond, which made Louis want to backtrack, take back what he said. 

Standing from his chair, Louis spoke again. “Forget I said anything, please.” “No, Louis, it is alright. I was just thinking.” Louis shook his head slightly. “No, I understand that is not something men do.” “Well, no, but there is no wrong in it.” “You do not have to. I have many spare quilts you can borrow. Some are rather heavy and help keep you warm. I also have a bed warmer.” 

Harry smiled, a dimple showing on the left side. “And you can use it in your bed for the both of us, Louis. You need to stay warm, and I do not see a problem in sharing. We are adults and it is rather cold.” 

Louis gave a curt nod before he left the living area. He felt slightly embarrassed by his suggestion and he’d hoped that Harry wasn’t agreeing to it just to appease him. He could handle it if Harry had declined the offer, he just wanted to make sure the both of them stayed warm tonight, especially now that more snow was falling. 

____________________

If Louis thought it would be simple and easy to get into bed and lay beside Harry, he was wrong. Louis was in a pair of long johns and long sleeve under shirt with his pajamas over them and Harry had walked in wearing nothing but a long night shirt. Louis kept to himself as he watched Harry cautiously pull the quilts back and find the bed warmer. He looked up at Louis and held it out to him. Louis took it with care as to not burn himself and slid it beneath his side of the bed and watched as Harry got in and pulled the quilts up over his lap. Louis excused himself and went about making sure the living room fire was out and that the doors had been latched. He was standing at the kitchen sink, looking out the small window and watched as the bits of snow started to fall once more, lit by the full moon above. 

This time the floorboards were on Louis’ side as they gave Harry’s normally quiet steps away and he glanced over his shoulder to see him walking towards him. 

“It’s a full moon out and it’s snowing. I had not expected to see such a beautiful moon tonight.” He could feel Harry standing behind him, feel his body close to his and he took a slow deep breath and closed his eyes. Something about Harry standing so _close_ to him made something inside of him twist. 

“It is a beautiful and delightful sight to behold the body of the Moon.” Harry’s breath ghosted across Louis’ ear and a shiver ran down his spin. 

He swallowed and licked his lips slowly as he opened his eyes, the bright white light of the moon peering back at him as dust of snow fell between the moon and him. “Galileo.” He whispered it, as if he raised his voice he might break the moment that felt heavy. 

Harry simply hummed before his fingers ghosted over the fabric that covered Louis’ arm. He gently tugged at it. Louis looked over his shoulder, his eyes falling to Harry’s lips. He blinked a few times and frowned slightly as Harry stepped away. 

“Come to bed.” He spoke softly as he waited for Louis. 

Louis tossed one more look towards the moon before he turned away and followed Harry’s steps to his room. He knows the meaning of it is harmless and just simply to stay warm. However in all his years, Louis never once thought he’d be following another man to his bed. A slight ache in his chest at the fact that it isn’t for the reasons that he secretly wished for. As Louis climbed into bed and pulled the heavy quilts up to his chin, he chose to push away the thought of this being anything other than what it was with Harry. He chose to ignore that he might feel anything other than a simple friendship with Harry. The man who after all, was a traveler and a stranger. He would be gone from Louis’ life before he knew it. 

They shared the bed for two more nights and with those cold nights came the creeping feeling that Louis was trying his hardest to ignore. It wasn’t working as with each long night he’d watch Harry lay there in the still of the dark. He’d wonder how his lips might taste if he’d kissed him. Wondered how his skin felt against his, what sounds he could pull from Harry’s chapped lips. Wondered if Harry would reject him, cast him away and leave his home, maybe even tell some town folks and cause Louis to be shunned. Louis sighed as he rolled over and faced the thick shades of his window. It was for all the best. One day he’d wake and Harry would depart and Louis would go about his life as if Harry had never been in it. He’d grow older by the day. Maybe finally stomach the idea of a female in his life, have a few kids and be blessed with grandchildren someday to pass the farm on to. 

The soft touch of fingertips that slowly traced up and down over his long sleeved nightshirt didn’t go unnoticed however. Instead he would slowly breathe in with the upward movement and exhale on the downward. Fitting his breathing in time with the touches. 

___________________

With the winter came the holidays and the cycle of the season. It brought in Louis’ birthday and it carried Harry with it. Louis didn’t ignore the fact that Harry was still coming and going in his home, greeting him after being gone all day and apologising when he had not been around for two days. Louis did however ignore the feeling everytime he found the house empty, or the worry that would seep up when he realised it was far past the time Harry would have normally returned. On the days that Harry hadn’t returned, Louis had been practically beside himself with worry. He’d respected Harry’s space and only went into the guest room to change out the bedding. He never touched or nosed around in Harry’s things. However, the night that Harry had failed to return and Louis knew it was late into the night, he quietly tiptoed to the bedroom and peaked in, finding it exactly how he’d seen it a few days ago when he’d changed the bedding. 

Which only made him worry a bit more as he brewed some tea and sat at the kitchen table. And during the late midnight hours when the snow began to fall, Louis forced himself into bed. After another day passed, he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know anyone he could go to and he wasn’t too sure what he could say. He couldn’t very well say that the stranger who lived in his house was missing. And he only knew him by Harry. But was he really a stranger after these last few months? Louis had forced himself off to bed once more only to be startled in the dead of night by Harry standing over him. He lit the oil lamp at his bedside and sat up so that Harry could have a seat. Finding nothing but a dead stare from Harry in return. Louis slowly stood from his bed as Harry’s green eyes tracked his movements and headed across the hall. He wasn’t sure why but he stood and took Harry’s hand in his and led him across the hall to the guest room. He guided Harry into his own bed and stood there for a moment before he turned to leave. A hand gripped his wrist and he looked back, finding Harry blinking at him. Harry sat up and pulled the covers back. 

“Would you please stay?” His voice sounded hoarse and Louis simply nodded. 

“I have an oil lamp burning in my room. I have to put it out.” 

He stepped away from the bed and went back to his room and turned the knob, turning off the lamp. He grabbed the blanket off the top of his bed and took it to Harry’s room with him. Once he returned he found Harry waiting for him, this time without a shirt on and Louis took a deep breath as he walked over to the bedside. 

“I hope you do not catch a chill.” Louis spoke as he sat on the bed and spread his quilt out over the one on Harry’s bed. 

“I have you to keep me warm. It’s by far enough, for me.” Louis felt his cheeks burn with the words as he slid down into the bed. He rolled onto his side, his back to Harry and stared out at the room. He felt a familiar touch drift across the long sleeved fabric of his nightshirt and he let his eyes slowly drift close. Only this time as his breathing relaxed with the soft touches, Harry slowly slid his fingers towards Louis’ hip and underneath his shirt. The slow up and down movements on his arm had now become slow circles against the bareskin of his waist. A warmth began to form in his stomach and his breath hitched a little but he pushed it aside. It meant nothing, it was nothing. He counted the movements and evened out his breathing with them once more until sleep slowly slipped over him. 

They never spoke of the soft touch against his bare skin and Louis worked to convince himself it had been nothing but a dream. It was easier that way, easier to tell himself that it was nothing at all than to think it might have been something. 

____________________

“It’s my birthday.” Louis looked up from the newspaper. Harry was standing at his sink, his palms dipped into water as he did the washing up. 

“Oh? Why had you not said anything sooner? I could have made you something special.” He watched as Harry shrugged, “To be honest, I tend to forget about it.” Louis watched as Harry pulled his hands from the water and dried them off on his trousers, “Not one for celebration?” He asked Harry. 

“Something like that.” “Would you like to do something?” Harry smiled at Louis and shook his head, “It’s alright, honestly. It was just something I remembered while I was washing up. I am not bothered by the way it comes and goes in my life.” 

Louis gave a little nod and turned the page of the paper. His eyes drifted towards the date in the corner of the page, 1st of February, 1931. “So you were born in 1906? Where were you born?” Louis watched as a crease formed between Harry’s brows. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that.” Louis offered. 

Harry shook his head, “No, do not be sorry. I was just thinking about it all. But yes, 1906.” 

Louis decided not to try and ask once more where Harry had been born. He didn’t need to know anyway and went back to his reading as Harry left the kitchen. 

He didn’t see Harry for the rest of the day and told himself it was no big deal as he tucked himself into bed. He tried to ignore the unsettled feeling that washed over him. And when Harry slipped into Louis’ bed and the touch of his hand beneath his nightshirt woke him from his slumber, he tried to ignore the feeling of relief that washed over him when he realised it was Harry. However, he let himself fall into the warmth that was slowly twisting inside him as Harry drew circles into his bareskin. He let his mind tiptoe towards the edge of an illicit thought before his cheeks flushed and he pulled it back into a safe place, all while he felt Harry’s fingers drift to the edge of his pajama bottoms and back up to his ribs with the palm of his hand. 

____________________

Louis sat his tea down on the coffee table. He reached for the dish cloth and wiped a spot of tea that had sloshed out. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him as he did and he shot a glance at him. Harry offered a smile before he pushed his mug away slightly and crossed his arms, leaning onto the wooden table top. Louis leaned forward slightly and eyed the mug that he’d given Harry. It was full and steam was barely drifting from the liquid, the soft early morning rays of sunlight passed over it. “Something wrong with your tea? I can make you another.” 

Harry shook his head and reached for the mug and slid it back towards him. He looked into it, “It’s perfect, thank you.” “But you’ve not touched it.” “I don’t need to touch it to know you make a good cup.” 

Louis shook his head as he took a sip of his own. As he sat it down he noticed Harry’s brows knitted together and he nodded slightly. He could tell that Harry wasn’t looking at him, but past him. Almost as if he was lost in thought. He glanced over his shoulder to see if Harry might be looking at something specific, spotting a photo of his family and him from many years ago. 

“It’s me family.” Louis offered without being asked. It must have been what Harry was thinking as he nodded.

“I thought it may have been, you all look like your Mum.” Louis smiled a little at that, he knew they did and he was proud of that as she was so beautiful with her long brown hair and her bright smile that would reach her eyes. “How many sisters is that?” 

“I have four, two sets are twins. One of the sets has a boy, the youngest one. But they are not in that photo.” 

There was something unreadable in Harry’s expression as his eyes scanned the photograph hanging behind Louis. He could see the way Harry’s eyes would shift back and forth from person to person. Almost as if he was trying to place something. 

“Four sisters.” 

Harry nodded as he leaned back in his chair, the floor creaking under the movement, “I had one. She’s older than me. Do you know a young lady by the name of Charlotte?” He asked as he stood. Louis noted the past tense but wasn’t sure if he should comment, so he didn’t. He nodded a little, “I’m the oldest. But still manage to be close to them all, at least I hope.” Louis thought over the question for a moment, running through anyone who may have such a name. He couldn’t think of anyone and he shook his head, “No, I do not know a lady with that name. Why do you ask?” Harry smiled a little, “Oh no reason, I must have been mistaken. My sister and I were close also. My best friend. I’m sure you’re a great brother, Louis. Do you see them often?” 

“I do not, unfortunately. They live a bit north than I’d prefer but they have a good schooling and that’s important for them. The oldest, she’s to wed soon and I do hope to travel for her wedding.” “Are you wedded?” Louis could tell that Harry had regretted asking the moment the words slipped from his lips. His eyes shot down to the table and he focused on the dirt beneath his nails. 

“Am not, and I’m not ashamed of it. I just never found the right person.” Harry looked towards Louis, “I imagine it has to be someone special to spend a lifetime with. Do you want to wed someday?” 

Louis looked into his half empty mug, “I would like to. I just do not see myself doing such a thing.” “Why is that? If you do not mind me asking.” He was still looking into his mug as he brought it up to his lips and took a long sip. The bitterness washed over his tongue as he closed his eyes and set it back on the table before he looked towards Harry. He could lie through his teeth and Harry would never know but something in this moment pulled him to be honest. 

“I don’t think it’s for me. Not something that’s _meant_ to happen is all.” He put an emphasis on the word meant. Unsure if Harry may grasp where he was going with it. “Not meant to? Or,” Harry paused and finally took a sip of the tea that Louis had made him. “Not allowed to?” Louis licked his lips and turned his empty mug between his hands, “I would say it’s both.” Harry nodded briefly before he looked directly at Louis which caused him to feel like he had a spotlight on him. The look in his eyes felt different but familiar, “A little brave to tell a stranger something forbidden.” Louis stared back, eyes locked on Harry’s green eyes, “I have a feeling you won’t be running off tellin’ the town about my preferences, now.” A twitch of Harry’s lips drew Louis’ attention to them and he watched as Harry licked his bottom lip before he responded, “You’re correct. It’s neither my place to comment, or something I would want to do. Be a bit of a hypocrite if I did.” 

Louis had to let the words sink in for a moment before he understood, “Have you ever been with someone, Harry? I mean, have you ever wanted to wed?” Harry nodded a little, it was a slight movement that Louis would have missed had he not been looking, “I have, sir. Was the kindest man I ever knew. My best friend, the love of my life.” 

“Did he know how you felt?” “He did, he felt the same as I did. Our families knew too, we had been very lucky to have that support.” Louis noted the past tense, he wanted to ask more on it also but chose not to, Harry moved it along for him anyway. 

“Have you?” he asked, Louis.

“Have I been with someone? No, not at least in a way I’d want to wed them. I’ve been with a couple ladies in my life, I’m not a perfect person.” “I don’t judge what people do, we have choices and enjoyments in life. I see no harm in that carrying over into a bedroom either. My Mum married twice.” Louis smiled a little at that, “My Mum had also married, even had the youngest twins with the new husband. I’d rather people not be so uptight about what others do with their romantic lives or bedroom life. If you want to bed for fun, so be it. Between the two adults if you ask me.” 

“You’ve never taken a man to bed?” Louis ran a hand over his short beard at the blunt question. He could tell by the expression on Harry’s face that he was proud of his valiantness. 

“I’ve not even kissed a man.” Louis was now finding himself curious if Harry had, he knew of the friend so he suspected he had but was that the only one? As if Harry could read his mind he answered the unasked question, “I have. But not anyone since my love passed.” “I’m sorry for your loss.” “It was so long ago it’s but barely a sting now.” Louis didn’t believe him, he couldn’t imagine that to be the case. Not that he would know. He's grateful he didn’t know what that felt like but he had an idea and that was enough for him. 

“So forgive me for my forwardness and you can send me on my way if you wish, but as two concenting adult males, would you be interested in a kiss?” Louis would laugh if he could. And the look on Harry’s face told him that even Harry was surprised by his own words. 

Louis covered his mouth to hide the laugh that had bubbled up inside anyways and shook his head once he heard Harry laugh lightly, “That was a bit forward, Harry. I hardly know you.” Harry’s laughter softly subsided but a slight smile remained, “But I feel as if I’ve known you for sometime.” Louis understood that. He’d felt a weird pull to Harry over the last month. He’d find himself anxiously awaiting Harry’s return when he’d go missing. Worrying that he may not come back this time. He’d found that he enjoyed watching Harry work in the yard in the early evenings just before the sun set or watch the way Harry would sweep the porch for no reason at all. And he realised now he did want to kiss him. He wanted to feel his lips on his own. Louis swallowed and looked towards his front door that was open, a cold breeze gently moving in through the screen door. He stood from his chair and walked over to the front door and closed it, locking it as if it would help hide the secret they were about to share. As he turned to head back into the kitchen he was startled as he came face to face with Harry. Harry who did nothing but smile softly at him and reach up, brushing his thumb over Louis’ bottom lip. 

“You can tell me to stop, and I will. I will stop and I will never be forward with you again or bring this up. I will even leave if you asked that of me, though I do hope you do not ask me such a thing. Any of those things.” 

Louis nodded and exhaled softly, he closed his eyes because he felt if he kept them open any longer he might backout. He stood in place and let Harry lead as he slowly brought their lips together. He felt a slight shock on his top lip as their lips touched. It was a barely there type of kiss before Louis breathed out slowly. After he exhaled Harry pressed forward a bit more and their lips moved in a gentle kiss as Harry placed a hand on Louis’ jaw. His thumb swiping over Louis’ cheek. Louis felt like his body was vibrating from head to toe and he reached out and gripped the side of Harry’s black button down shirt. He tugged him forward slightly as he tilted his head into the kiss, pushing it deeper. He didn’t want it to end, he didn’t want the sensation to stop. It was like no other kiss and Louis gasped as he pulled back, breathless with his hand still tightly grasped onto Harry’s shirt. Louis narrowed his eyes a little before he moved forward, taking the lead himself and brought their lips back together. Once his eyes closed his vision went white behind his eyelids. A warmth floated over him as he felt Harry’s fingers softly trailing up and down the back of his neck. He could see a distant image forming in the back of his mind as their lips moved. He tried to focus on the image in his mind but lost it behind a veil of black every time he tried. He wanted the image to come back because when he could see the little shapes, he felt a warmth of love flow over him. He felt a familiar feeling and comfort that he ached to feel again. 

Harry broke the kiss with a gasp and took a few steps back, his pale expression slightly paler now and his lips redder. Louis could tell he’d dragged his tongue across his teeth. 

“Do you think we’ve made a mistake?” Louis asked.

Harry shook his head as he unlocked the door, “No, Louis. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop myself.” Once he got the door open he was out of the small house and headed towards the barn.

Louis simply sighed and closed the door before he headed to his room. He wasn’t sure how to piece everything together because it was something that he knows was not supposed to happen. Something that he was already aching to happen once more and it caused a mixture of emotions to slowly take place inside of him. 

_ Harry. _

Harry had a list of things he really enjoyed doing to pass his time. He’d learned so many things in the years he’s been alive and some of them he hated with a passion and others he loved them so much he continued to do them. His new favourite thing was watching Louis sleep. Which from an outsider’s point of view, it might appear to be a bit creepy. But for Harry, it was something he treasured every time. He didn’t need to sleep anyway, so to pass the long winter nights while Louis did sleep, Harry would sit and read by the flickering light of the fire in Louis’ bedroom or sit beside him as he slept and watch the in and out movements of breath. Sometimes if he closed his eyes and focused just right, he could see the foggy image of Louis’ current dream. 

He’d noticed early on that ever since the first touch of their lips, it was as if something slipped away from Louis’ mind. As if a veil had lifted. Louis was dreaming in fragments of a time so long ago. A time when he and Harry were together during the long summer days. It had startled Harry the first time he was able to catch a glimpse into what Louis had been dreaming. His hand had clutched on to the fabric of Harry’s night shirt and when Harry glanced over at Louis, his brows were knitted and lips pressed tightly together. It was a memory for Harry and a dream for Louis. Only because Louis was unaware that every flickering image that he dreamt was a memory that was slowly weaving its way to the front of his mind. 

A few nights ago after they laid together by the fire in the living area and traded kisses like secrets, Louis had told Harry that he felt like he’d known him for years. When he’s only just now getting to know him at all. That he felt like a moth to a flame. The wording wasn’t what Harry would want to hear from Louis and he wasn’t sure exactly how he could be Louis’ downfall. Unfortunately, he learned he could be exactly that and his being at Louis’ could bring harm to Louis. That was something Harry never wanted to cause. He’d gone into town and stopped by to see Zayn and Niall. They didn’t greet him with their normal smiles and hellos, instead guided him into their small place and immediately told him that they needed to leave town. Harry wasn’t ready to leave, he wanted a few more days. He wanted a few more months. He wanted forever with Louis. _“We can’t, if you stay you risk his life. These humans didn’t just go after that clan who got reckless. They started to go after humans who gave them rooms and odd jobs. They believed they knew these guys had been vampires and they helped hide them.” Zayn had said, his eyes locked on Harry’s as he squeezed Harry’s knee._

_Harry shook his head, Louis lived out in the country, he was safe._

_“He isn’t. They’re snooping around the farmlands now. I followed one of them out a day ago. He got close to Louis’ property but I was able to draw him to an abandoned farm house west of Louis. It’s only a matter of time, Harry.” Harry could hear the regret in Niall’s voice as he spoke to him. He could feel the way he didn’t want to be telling him any of this._

_Harry tried to tell himself that Louis was fine, it would blow over. But deep down, as the news on the radio aired, he knew it was only the beginning. That night he went home and kissed Louis in a way he hadn’t before._

Leaving Louis was going to be one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He lost him once, and he was going to lose him again. He withdrew from him for the next few days, kept to himself and tried to keep his distance from Louis. But Louis being the light of Harry’s world, found his way inside Harry’s little bubble and kept himself there. 

Louis’ voice pulled Harry from his thoughts, a look on his face is filled with concern. Harry hums in response and watched as Louis walked over and sat on the bed beside him, “What’s going on?” 

Harry looked at his bare feet. He’d taken a shower and had been sitting on his bed for the last hour in nothing but a towel. Normally Louis is modest and stays clear until he’s aware Harry is fully dressed. So it spoke to Harry that he was sitting with him now. He was worried and Harry could feel it growing.

“Have you had the news on lately?” Harry asked.

“Yes. Everything that is going on is so horrible. I have no sympathy for those…” Harry glanced over at Louis as he tried to find the word. “Blood sucking demons.” Harry looked away, the words stung and it hit differently coming from Louis. “What about the humans being murdered for doing nothing?” “You actually think they did not know? I find it hard to believe one could be so blind to such a wretched creature being under their roof.” 

Harry stood from the bed and clutched the towel around his waist as he walked over to his wardrobe. He wasn’t sure how to respond at that moment as he was both hurt and angered by Louis’ opinion on the matter. Harry knew that Louis was the moth and he was the flame and if Harry wasn’t careful, Louis was going to get burned. 

He spent a few days thinking things over before he came to terms with what he had to do. He had no choice and even asking Louis if he wanted to be turned was clearly not an option. He met up with Zayn and told him it was time. He’d rather do it now. While no one knows he’s there. They agreed Niall would stay back for a while as he was working in a local church and everyone had it in their heads that vampires could not step on holy ground. It worked in their favour though, since it meant for now, no one had any reason to suspect Niall was a vampire. He would stay behind and keep an eye on Louis for sometime before he moved on himself. There was just one more thing Harry wanted to do before he left. He wanted one more memory that he could carry deep inside. 

_ Louis. _

Louis watched as the flames of the fire danced before him as he sat on his bed in the dark. Things felt off lately and he wasn’t sure where they went wrong. They had grown so close and now it was like he’d just entered Louis’ life for the first time ever. He could feel the end coming, he was ready for it. He’d always known that whatever they had going would end, that Harry would not be a permanent fixture in his life. However he’d hoped to be proven wrong. And now as the days slowly grow longer, he can feel their time together is ending. 

He can hear Harry’s steps as he enters Louis’ room but he doesn’t bother to look in his direction. Instead his focus stays on the flickering flames of the fire. 

“Are you okay, my love?” That was a new thing Harry had begun to do. Call Louis his love as if he was. Louis doesn’t want to ask him to not do it because deep down he loved it. Deep down inside he wanted to hear it over and over again, preferably while Harry placed soft kisses across his skin. 

Louis shook the thought from his head and nodded, “Just a bit tired. Had to clean out the stalls today.”

Louis looked over as Harry sat beside him, he watched the slow drag of Harry’s tongue brush across his bottom lip. The air around them felt different and Louis swallowed. He could feel it deep down inside of him, that something was about to change between them. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he felt Harry’s hand take his. 

“I want to be something special to you.” 

Louis opened his eyes and looked towards Harry, “You fool, do you know what you are to me?” 

“I want to be more than that.” 

“What do you mean, Harry?” 

Louis felt the slow circle of Harry’s thumb on the top of his hand, he looked down and watched the movement. 

“I want to take you to bed, Louis.” Louis took a slow and deep breath in, he held it for a moment before he let it go as he looked up at Harry half his face lit by the glow of the fire, “I have never been with a man before, in anyway, and when I told you that I had not, I meant it. I was not being modest.” 

“And I was being honest when I said I’d only taken one man to bed. There will never be another person I feel this way about as long as I live.”

Louis sighed, “Do not say such things. You will find someone better than me.”

Harry reached up and ran a hand over Louis’ cheek, “I’d much rather live a thousand lives alone, than live it with a lover who will never be half as important to me as you are.” 

“I cannot ever wed a man. I’m doomed to be alone or suffer a marriage with a lady that I do not want. You will be the only man to ever bed me. And I wouldn't want it any other way.” Louis whispered as he tilted his head towards Harry’s touch.

It was something that he had thought about for a while now. A feeling he wanted desperately. 

He swallowed and gripped Harry’s wrist, “Are you leaving me?”

“Oh my love. I have no choice.” “I do not want you to go.” Harry smiled a little as he leaned forward, his lips a breath away from Louis’ as he closed his eyes, “No matter where I go, no matter how the world changes. You will always be it for me. But this world isn’t ready for us just yet.” Louis took a breath and leaned forward and pressed his lips against Harry’s. He had a swarm of emotions chasing each other deep inside. He was in the middle of wanting to be angry at Harry and acceptance. He felt like he should fight Harry, plead with him to stay. But something in his gut told him he needed to let him go. He could have this one night with a man, to be himself and feel pleasure from someone he truly loved. 

Being laid out bare on his bed in front of another man wasn't something that Louis had ever thought would happen. It was however very much something that he would find himself thinking about. Wondering how it would feel to have a man touch him in ways only a lady should. Touch him in the ways he would touch himself as his mind wandered. 

But now being in a moment where it was a reality, where he could feel the pleasure slowly growing as Harry’s hands wandered over his bare skin in a manner that a man should not do to another man, Louis found himself feeling conflicted as Harry’s fingers slowly slid up his inner thigh, a breathe away from one of his most intimate places. One side of Louis reminded him of how wrong this act was. Calling himself a sinner and how he was committing a horrible act with another man. The other thought told him to breathe and let it happen. Louis dared to glance down as he felt a soft touch of lips against his hip. He found two eyes staring up at him as Harry slowly kissed down Louis’ thigh as his hands pushed his thighs apart. Louis closed his eyes as Harry slowly wrapped his long fingers around his cock, an act that not even a lady has ever done to Louis. Something he himself has done many times in his life as he was only a human after all. He had desires too. But he never thought he’d feel the way another man’s hand felt as he slowly began to move his hand. Louis tilted his head back and his fingers grasped on to the quilt beneath his body, his eyes watched as the shadows of the fire danced along the ceiling. A soft moan slipping from his lips when he felt the slick wet of a tongue brush against a place he never even thought of. It was all so unfamiliar to him, but it felt so good. An unimaginable pleasure as he was sucked into the tight heat of Harry’s mouth. He didn’t want to know where he learned such things, a sting of jealousy interrupting the pleasure. 

Something that Harry must have sensed as he pulled Louis’ cock from his mouth and gripped him tightly, “My love, look at me.” Louis licked his lips and looked down towards Harry, his eyes on his own cock and the way Harry’s hand would twist. 

He moaned and Harry smirked before he spoke, “Why did you tense up a moment ago? Are you alright? I can stop if you wish for me to do so.”

“I don’t ever want you to stop touching me this way. I was struggling with myself. Your hand on me in such a way is not acceptable. I would be shunned if people knew. It’s wrong.”

“Love is not wrong, Louis.” Louis slowly sat up and ran a hand through Harry’s hair, “I’m conflicted. I want you to make me feel a way I have never felt. I want you to touch me how only I have ever touched myself.” Harry tilted his head slightly, he slowly slid his hand down Louis’ cock and over to his thigh as he moved up onto his knees between Louis’ legs. He was wearing a pair of black dyed long johns and nothing else. Louis ran his hands over Harry’s bare chest. “I want to pull the softest moans from your lips, I want to kiss you until you’re breathless. I want you to feel such pleasure that not even you could give yourself.”

“But isn’t it all wrong?” Harry shook his head as he leaned down and kissed along Louis’ shoulder, “No” he whispered, “There are much crueler things in this life than a man loving a man and showing him in a physical way.” 

“You’ve done this with another man.” Harry pulled back, a slight frown on his face as he ran a hand over Louis’ thigh, “Being jealous of that moment in my life is not something you should feel. I have only ever loved one man.” “He must have been special.” “Yeah, you are.” 

_______________

That night is a moment that Louis would carry with him for the rest of his life. A moment between the one man he ever loved, and the one person he ever wanted to wed. He had Harry in his life for one more day, come evening he would walk him to the end of his drive as their coat covered arms brushed against each other as they walked quietly. The sound of birds chirping in the distance and their feet walking on gravel around them. It was one of the hardest goodbyes that Louis ever thought he would have to do. Because deep down he knew that it was a true goodbye and that Harry and he would go on to live in this world in their own ways and apart from one another. There was no maybe someday for them. This was it, this was their end. 

He watched as a black 1930 Chevy pulled up at the end of his drive, and Harry slipped his hand into Louis’. Louis didn’t bother to pull away despite the stranger behind the wheel. He figured if Harry led him by hand as he put his bags in the back of the car, they were in the company of someone who didn’t have a negative thought about them. Once Harry had his things put away he turned his attention to Louis. He ran a hand beneath his coat and tugged him closer by Louis’ button down shirt. Harry leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips and let it linger.

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck tightly and twisted his fist in the black wool coat that Harry was wearing. He closed his eyes tightly and breathed out. “Everything you have shown me.” Louis swallowed as he spoke into Harry’s neck. He was a man and it was viewed that men shouldn’t show emotions in this manner. But Louis grew up being told he was human. And humans have a wide range of emotions. “I will carry with me until my last breath. And no other man will ever mean as much to me as you do.”

Louis felt Harry’s hands slip beneath his coat and dig into his lower back as he pulled Louis in closer. The hug was tight and he felt cocooned by Harry. He breathed him in deep and held his breath. He didn’t want this feeling to go but he knew it was going to be over and then Harry would be gone from his life. It would get easier with time. The first few days without Harry had been the hardest ones. He wrote to his Mum and told her about the boy he fell in love with, about the way he felt for men and longed for the day to see him once more. Though he knew deep down he would never see him again. She responded with nothing but support and kindness, as he assumed she would. And Louis took each day one step at a time, because there really was nothing else for him to do. He wanted to live in the moment of Harry who was now nothing more than a memory. 

Months later he’d get a letter from Harry. And a few more would follow before they stopped altogether, the last one wishing Louis a life of love and happiness. Words of consent to find someone who brought him as much love as Louis had given to Harry. Louis never could find someone who he loved even half as much as Harry. He would find a lady who would grow to be a good friend to him, who’d walk with him and live with him and carry him through life. Eventually, when they were in their mid-fifties, he would share his secret with her and she’d pat him on his cheek and smile. She carried no ill thoughts towards him and Louis would continue to live his life without Harry. Sometimes late at night as he watched the moon he’d remember the moment in his kitchen when it was snowing and Harry pressed himself against Louis’ back. A moment etched into his memory like all the other ones. Sometimes little things would come and go like fragments from a film. 

He outlived his companion, scattering her ashes in her garden where she spent most of her time with a book or crocheting. It saddened Louis to lose her because in the end she gave him a friendship and love that he needed. He in turn tried to return the same and on her last days she thanked him for always being honest, for loving her however he could. And even though she wasn’t the man he loved so long ago, she hoped she brought him some joy in his life. And she had. He missed her now as he sat by the large picture window of the nursing home. The chattering of the other elderly around him in the common room. It’s snowing out and there’s some staff on their break building a snowman. There was a young gentleman sitting to his right as he knits with his long hair pulled up and a few strands fell loose from the elastic. Louis looked over at him. A familiarity in the gentleman beside him while he hummed. Louis felt as if he should know him, be able to place him from another moment in time and it frustrates him because a few years ago his memories began to blur and fade away. 

He looked up at the full moon a few nights ago and felt like he should remember something about it. But nothing came and he wasn’t sure if it was a forgotten memory or one that never existed at all. He told that to the gentleman who visits him, someone the staff says is a relative. Louis knows that’s not true but he doesn’t mind the company. He enjoys the visits from the boy as he’s quiet and keeps to himself. But he’ll tell Louis stories about his travels and about the man he fell in love with. Louis’ heart grows for him because he likes to see the way the boy's face lights up when he speaks of the one he loved. 

Louis lived a long life, and in the end he was content with it. Some days as he got older he wondered if Harry was alive, if he found another man to love or if he just lived alone. Sometimes Louis thought about all the what ifs. What if he fought Harry? Asked him to stay, asked to go with him? But in the end he pushed the what ifs away. Because he knows he had a good life. He loved a man who loved him back, who showed him what it was like to accept himself and let a man love him. He was loved and in the end, that was all that mattered because some people go their entire lives not feeling love from another. Louis lived to be 84 years old and he had no regrets in his life. It worked out how it was always meant to.


	2. Chapter Two

_ Harry. 1988 _

Harry sat up in bed, his pale skin drenched in sweat. It wasn't hot by any means, in fact, it was the opposite. It was an early January morning in 1988 and snow had fallen overnight. It coated the outside would in white mountains burying the cars that lined the streets. Harry dropped his bare feet to the rough beige carpet and ran his hands over his face. He took a deep breath and stood up before he walked over to the window with a heavy frown as he pushed the thick floral drapes aside. Everything felt different, looked different. He was surrounded with an unfamiliar feeling, a feeling of emptiness. The colours around him seemed duller, more muted than they normally would have been. For the last 8 years, a heavy feeling sat beside his soul. 

He swallowed and dropped his hands from the drapes. Harry turned away from the window as he realised that the feeling he’d become so accustomed to carrying with him was gone, it was no longer weighing heavily inside him. He was void of the sensation of another life vibrating through him, of the energy of emotions that would course along his skin. He exhaled heavily and his hands shook at his side. He headed towards the bedroom door, hearing Zayn and Niall talking in the kitchen. Niall being there didn't bode well. Niall was not to come unless something had happened. Harry didn't want to leave his bedroom, an urge to hide away and disappear crept up on him. He debated just going back to bed. Maybe a heavy slumber will restart this day and he will wake with the vibrating feeling of another life coursing through him once more. He licked his dry lips and swallowed before he slowly made his way out of his room and down the long hall. 

Niall spotted him first and smiled weakly. 

"Just say it," Harry spoke, his voice quiet and hoarse from sleep as it slipped from his lips. 

He could feel Zayn linger behind him as if he were waiting to catch Harry when he fell. It was tense, the air heavy in the room. Harry bit the side of his tongue between his back teeth. He felt like he needed air, like the bags inside his chest needed to inflate. Oxygen didn’t mean anything to him or anyone else in this room. They were vampires. Air came and went but wasn’t a source of life for them. But at this moment, he felt like he was suffocating. 

"Louis passed away during the night." Niall didn’t look at Harry as he said those words. His eyes locked on the glass of blood on the ugly green table top. The blood thickened in it. 

As the accent laced words fell from Niall's lips, it was as if the world grinded to a silent halt. Harry was completely alone and the silence was deafening. He could see Niall’s lips moving and a hand reached out to him so he closed his eyes. The only sound was his breath leaving his lungs. It was like when one floats on their back in the pool and they look up at the sky. You can see the birds flying above you and as you exhale the air from your body, you hear it leaving. 

He felt like that, like floating in water and he could hear himself breathing from beneath the surface. A shallow in and out woosh as he inhaled and exhaled. 

The thing was, he knew this day would come. He knew that he would live to see the day that Louis would be gone from this world. Nothing but a memory to carry with him for eternity. And yet it still hurts. He’d always suspected it would. In that moment, Harry was unprepared for how it overwhelmed him completely.

Harry opened his eyes to see Niall and Zayn standing there. Neither of them said a word as Harry dropped to his knees, a sharp sting coursing from his kneecaps from the landing and a sob fell from his lips. He shouldn't be crying. Louis wasn't his to mourn, but in a way he was and had always been. Louis had loved him the same he had loved Louis. Louis had been Harry’s soul mate. Harry had watched Louis grow old and live a long life. He’d watched as he found someone to live it with. He’d been happy for him because Louis deserved to find someone to keep him company. Niall had been reassuring Harry that he’d suspected it was very much just friends who lived together. Harry had never been sure how Niall had kept such close tabs on Louis, but he was grateful he had. Though some days he wondered if it would be best if he knew nothing at all. And he’d go days, weeks. Once even a year and a half without getting an update and he hated it. He just wanted to know if Louis was okay. As Louis aged, his mind slowly slipped away from him. His memories went with it and Harry decided to do something he knew he shouldn’t. He started to visit him in the nursing home, under the guise of being a relative. It broke his heart a little bit every time he went. But he kept going to sit quietly beside Louis, sometimes he’d knit and hum a song and watch the way Louis would tilt his head towards him. Those moments were some of Harry’s favourites. When they could sit quietly side by side and he could forget about the body he was in. It was just him and Louis, two old men watching as the world slowly passed by.

He'd argued with himself for years for not turning Louis, so much that he had the pros and cons memorised from a sheet of paper he’d written so long ago. The paper had been so old that it had fallen apart and Harry tossed it. Harry tried to let the memory of the words that Louis had said about vampires go. Being one thing he’d rather not remember because he knew that if Louis had known what he was, he would never have let Harry in his home, Harry would have been shut out or even killed. And Harry wouldn’t have had the chance to have some time with him. Which in the end was all he’d wanted. 

Niall had also brought it up once, asking why Harry didn’t turn Louis and just be done with it. Save himself the heartache. That was something Harry would never do, even if it could have saved Louis. Like the first time he watched Louis die back when he'd been turned in 1828. The memory is fresh despite how long ago it happened. He could have turned him after Louis was bucked off his horse and hit his head. In that moment, Harry could not, he was turned against his will and he could not do that to anyone especially Louis. When the other chance with Louis appeared that Harry had longed for, he knew it would end with him leaving. It tore him apart every day since.

Now the chance was gone for good and Harry was left with an emptiness inside of him. The feeling of Louis’ life no longer coursed through his body. No longer was it sat heavily beside his own un-beating heart. The void that had taken its place was heavier and foreign. Harry felt sick to his stomach. He swallowed and closed his eyes tightly. It hurt, everything fucking hurt. The first time he watched as Louis died, he didn’t feel this immediate dread swarming through him. He didn’t feel the void that was expanding within his chest. It simply didn’t hurt him at all. He’d been so confused by it. He felt empty and alone, and he missed him terribly. He mourned the loss of Louis and he’d loved Louis with everything he had. He carried that love with him, even to this day. 

Harry’s replaying that time from so many years ago, from the time when he was young and a newly born vampire. When it was still all so loud and different. He’d spooked Louis’ horse, he should have known that he was spooking her. But he was so confused and disoriented by the way everything sounded louder, clearer to him. The only thing he knew was that he’d needed to leave town as Zayn had warned him they were not welcomed. Their kind was hunted and in danger. Harry had approached Louis just as he’d gotten on to his horse. As Harry approached her, she startled and reeled back. Her heavy hooved feet stomped in place and Louis calmed her, soothed her with confusion on his face. And as Harry spoke, and opened himself up to Louis and told him everything, Louis’ replies became bitter and confused. 

_“Louis, could you please just listen to me?” Harry swallowed, a tear running down his dirty face. It left a mark through the dusting of dirt across his cheek._

_Louis huffed a laugh out, pulling on Pippi’s reigns. “You went off for days after I opened myself up to you, after I laid with you, and you show back up now? Telling me you’re a creature of the night? Are you looney? You need to go to your Mum, Harry.”_

_They’d always been close. Always a little **too** close for other people's comforts. And one night it all came together and their bodies met with passion and heavy breaths. When Harry woke up before the light of day peaked across the horizon, he’d kissed Louis farewell, promising to see him after he helped out at his family’s farm. Promising him many more nights together. As Harry made his way back to his own farm he’d decided to go a different route than he normally would have. He was lost in his thoughts with a soft smile playing on his lips when someone wrapped an arm around his chest. His arms were pinned to his side and a heavy tight hand gripped across his mouth, muffling his voice. He began to kick and fight off the person who’d taken hold of him but it was all futile as he was dragged off._

_He woke sometime later to a world so loud, so bright that he felt overwhelmed. Harry blinked a few times as he squinted away from the sun high above his head. He felt a hunger creeping through him, it felt like he’d not eaten in days and he was starving. He was craving for something, something he didn’t know. When he stood, unsteady on his feet in an area of the woods he didn’t recognise. A hand grabbed him, turning him around quickly and tugging him away. Harry was too tired to fight, so he simply didn’t. He blindly followed with the sounds of distant children laughing. Their laughs hurt his head and he had an instinctive feeling to seek them out._

_He was ushered into a small cabin with no rooms. A bed in one corner and a sofa in another corner. He looked at the person he’d followed and saw elegance. “M’ name is Zayn. I am the same as you. Who turned you? Did they leave you? I stumbled over you in the night and sat watching, waiting for your Master to return and they’ve not. Do you know where they may be?”_

_Harry frowned, “I don’t have a master. I don’t know what you are on about, but I need to go home.”_

_“You can not go home. You will endanger your family. You have to have a master, they are who turned you.”_

_Harry shook his head, regretting it quickly as it pounded. “Turned me? Turned me into what? What are you on about?”_

_“A vampire. How do you - you are new. You are a new vampire and your master has abandoned you. Oh that makes sense, but why would they…” Zayn sighed and shook his head. Harry stared at him as he slowly backed away._

_“I’m going to go now. M’ sorry sir, but I must be leaving.” Harry turned to leave but Zayn moved quickly and blocked the door in front of Harry. He smiled at Harry, and the smile was not friendly. A hint of a snarl with it as he bared his teeth. Harry swallowed and backed away from him quickly._

_“What are you? What do you want from me?” His lip trembled as fear slowly grew deep from within._

_“I want to help you, no newborn should be left alone. It’s dangerous and not just for you. It means there are more of us and we will have to all flee. We have our own lives and our own families. Whoever did this is a lunatic.”_

_“If you want to help me, let me leave.”_

_“What is your name?”_

_“Harry.” His voice was quiet as he glanced around the room, spotting a window by the small table with a chair._

_“You can not open the window, Harry. Please trust me. I have been where you are, I know how it feels. You are scared and you need to feed.”_

_Harry’s eyes snapped to Zayn, confused about how he knew that Harry was thinking of the window._

_“Feed? No, no, I need to leave. My Mum must be beside herself.”_

_“She is, I assure you but her dead son would leave her with more pain.”_

_“Are you threatening me? I have to go home. My family is waiting for me.”_

_“No, Harry. That life is gone, it will never come back and you need to leave with it. And you too, can never come back.”_

Harry could remember every detail from back then, every word and moment. The heaviness of choices - ones he didn't want to make but knew he had to.

_He and Zayn had walked slowly towards the road that led to Louis’, it was a familiar thing to Harry. Something that he’d done so many times before. Something he was never going to do again. Their feet kicked up dirt and rocks as they walked. As Harry looked at the ground, watching his steps instead of the world around him, it was easily one of the worst moments in his life, though he was unaware of just how bad it was going to get. Zayn stopped some ways back and let Harry continue by himself._

_A weak smile had slipped onto Harry’s face and he licked his dry lips as he rounded the small farmhouse and spotted Louis by the barn. Louis was backlit by the late afternoon sun, the rays surrounded him like a golden aura. He was slowly combing out the long white mane on his favourite horse, Pippi. Harry had to stop. He wanted to place this moment to memory, a moment he’s watched many times over day in and day out in his time of knowing Louis._

_He glanced at the dirt beneath his boots before looking back to the end of the long road he'd walked. He couldn’t see Zayn but knew he was standing by the end of the road and waiting for Harry. Waiting for Harry to come back with a broken heart, after breaking Louis’ heart. After he had to walk away from the one and only person he’d ever loved._ _Harry slowly approached Louis, Pippi let out a neigh before she took a few steps back from him as he did. She shook her mane out and Louis soothed her as he looked over at Harry. He blinked a few times before a small smile formed on his lips._

_“Harry, are you alright?” The concern was heavy in his voice and Harry nodded. “You disappeared, we’ve had people looking for you. Have you seen your Mum? Or anyone else? I sure hope you have. Didn’t come to me first. I mean you’ve scurried off before but--” Louis trailed off as he brushed Pippi’s mane._

_Harry watched the horse for a moment, she was stomping her hooves heavily into the dirt, kicking up clouds around her. He licked his lips as he looked at Louis and felt so full of love. He felt so much love, it was radiating over Louis like the heat of the sun on your skin on a hot summer afternoon. Pippi reared back abruptly, starling Louis and Harry. Harry stepped back a few steps and she neighed loudly._

_“I came to speak with you. Louis, I am sorry to do this. Please know that I do care for you, have always cared for you.”_

_Louis frowned as he smoothed his hand over Pippi’s back. She was staring Harry down and kicking her front leg back into the dirt. “Do what, Harry? Where have you been? We’ve all been so worried. Your Mum is just beside herself, Harry. Did you go to her? You must go to her at once.”_

_“I can’t. I shouldn’t even be here, Louis. I needed to see you once more.”_

_“What are you on about?”_

_Harry looked out at the pasture, two horses running past them. The wind blowing their long dark manes. They looked wild and free. He closed his eyes as a warm breeze blew across his skin, moving his hair into his face and he took a deep breath before looking over at Louis. Louis Tomlinson, his best friend and the love of his life. A person Harry always adored. Always loved. He always knew he would never be able to be with Louis, he always knew he could never. They could never. Until that night when Louis and Harry had shared a bed like many other nights. Only they did more than share a bed. They shared secrets whispered in the dark, nothing but a slow flickering candle to light the room around them. They shared a hesitant kiss, traced with hesitant touches. And during those moments, Harry wondered to himself. What if? But now he knew there would be no what ifs._

_“I need to leave, right away. I don’t want to do this, you’ve got to understand. Louis I really don’t want to and it hurts me but. I have to go and I’m not coming back.”_

_Louis’s face went through multiple emotions all in one before he laughed, “Go? Are you foolish, Harry? You need to go home. Stop this foolishness and go home.”_

_Harry shook his head, he knew this would be hard but he had to do it. “Louis, I mean it. If I stay, I risk your life and my family’s. I can not do such a thing.”_

_Louis snorted in a slight amusement, “Harry, you’ve been gone for a few days and you must be tired. You need to get home and get some rest. Maybe some food will help you. You’re making no sense, love.”_

_“Louis, I am a vampire. I’m sorry, please know I will never forget you.”_

_Louis swung his leg over and settled onto the saddle and shook his head, “Harry, stop being so childish and go home. We can talk another day.”_

_Harry took a step forward, the horse backing up some with a loud neigh._

_“Harry, I suggest you leave. You’re not yourself.” His voice wasn’t quiet. It wasn’t sweet or kind instead it was laced with a harsh tone and Harry shook his head, watching as Louis got onto Pippi._

_“You’re right, Louis. I promise though, I won’t forget you or the other night, I won’t ever forget any of those memories.”_

_As Harry turned the horse reared back, Louis calmed her as she stomped down. He wasn’t a stranger to horses being aggressive, being startled or anything. Harry had always been so amazed at how Louis maintained his spot on a horse who would pull up on their back legs. Harry glanced back to see Louis leaned down as he soothed her, a hand running through her long mane. He looked up and his eye caught Harry’s._

_A frown sat heavily on his face, “I’ll come by in the morning, give you a visit. Be careful Harry.” His tone is a little less harsh but not the same. Harry could feel the agitation oozing off of Louis even with the short distance between them._

_Harry turned his whole body back to Louis, “I won’t be there. I’m leaving, but I won’t be going home. Tell my family I love them, and I am so sorry.”_

_“You’re being childish, go home, Harry.” Louis scolded him from atop his horse and Harry looked at the dirt._

_He kicked the toe of his boot into the dirt and sniffed before looking up at Louis, “Maybe I am being childish, but please tell them.”_

_“No, I won’t because you’ll be home tomorrow. You’re not a vampire, they do not exist. This isn’t a book. This is life an-” Harry closed his eyes and breathed heavily from his nose as his fist clenched at his sides. He just wanted him to listen, he needed Louis to listen and believe him. He opened his eyes and stared him down, the horse snarling back at him. Harry licked his teeth and could feel the sharpness of his fangs as they dropped. He opened his mouth slightly, biting his bottom lip and he saw it in Louis’ eyes. Fear ghosted over his face and he wrapped his hand tighter on the reins. Pippi shook her mane out, snorting as she stomped into the dirt. Her tail swooshed behind her._

_Louis’ face paled and Harry could hear the pounding of his heart. It sounded like a drum rhythmic beating inside his head. He could almost feel the vibrations. He knows he could sense the fear that was now filling Louis and Harry felt bad, he felt a sharp tug in his chest. “I told you, Louis.”_

_“I told you.” He repeated and watched as Louis’ eyes narrowed._

_“Leave.” It was in such a way that Harry knew, he knew at that moment Louis did want him to go. He knew the tone was harsh and heavy, but he knew it was fear. It was a demand he would give an intruder. To him he was an intruder, he was no longer Harry, the boy who’d touched him and pulled pleasant sounds from his lips. He was no longer the boy who Louis said he had been in love with for a long time. He was no longer wanted._

_“Please, tell my Mum that I am so sorry. Louis, I am sorry. I **do** care for you, I love you.” _

_“Get out.” Louis yelled, it echoed around the barn and startled a bird nearby._

_Harry nodded, not thinking though as he made a step that would be a mistake. Stepping forward once more towards Louis and Pippi. He just wanted to touch her nose once more, like all those times before. But she wasn’t wanting that. Pippi backed up, reared up on her legs and made a noise so loud it startled him. Harry could hear Louis hit the dirt before he even saw what had happened. And he felt a sharp pain hit him. It felt like someone had punched him in the back of the head and the pain flowed through his head, down his neck and back. He closed his eyes and bent down, groaning._ Harry will never forget those moments, the anguish he felt. He will never forget rushing over to Louis as Pippi bolted. He carried an anger that was directed at Zayn for so long after that. But he still followed him across the world because he had no other choice, and Zayn simply let him. Let him follow him with the anger heavily making a home inside of Harry. Eventually Harry stopped being angry, and he just tried to live. Because he didn’t want to be angry anymore, he was tired of being angry. But not a day went by that he didn’t think of Louis. 

_________

Now 160 years later Harry is facing it all over again. However this time he does find some peace in that Louis left this world after living a long life. After living in this world and growing old. It wasn’t a sudden accident that could have been avoided had Harry just done as he was told. Something he blamed himself for for years to come and even now, still finds the guilt seeping in when he’s alone with his thoughts. But the feeling he has flowing through him is just pain. He feels a heavy pain that’s slowly making itself comfortable inside of him and there’s no hint of hope. It feels final. Losing Louis the first time had torn Harry apart but he moved forward despite how hard it was. And with time it eventually became a little easier to handle life as a vampire and the memories of Louis. Knowing he would live and that his family wouldn’t. Knowing he would never grow old, he would walk this earth until it’s time came to a close. Or until he was killed off. Sometimes he did simply debate letting that happen but something deep inside kept him from it. 

_** 1904 ** _

Harry was in Doncaster, England with Zayn. And another vampire they had met while they worked on a small farm on the coast of Ireland. His name was Niall and he fit in with Harry and Zayn like he’d known them for years. It was Christmas Eve and a light snow had fallen earlier that day, lightly carpeting the ground in white. Harry felt a weird energy inside him. He’d been feeling anxious all day. It had driven Niall up the wall so much that he had kicked Harry out of the small farm house they were living on the edge of town. Harry had gotten on a horse and rode into town. He was long overdue for feeding and knew he could find some homeless person to give warmth to. He always felt a slight guilt when he would feed but also knew they didn’t feel pain at all. They didn’t carry a memory of what happened. Harry was walking past some small homes that were built side by side, candles flickering inside. He heard a muffled scream, one that sounded like it carried a hint of relief with it and a baby’s cry broke into the air a moment later. 

Harry smiled and continued his walking, a child born on Christmas Eve was surely one of the best gifts to receive. It would be 26 years later before he learned that the baby had been Louis. 

_“I can’t tell him. Even I know that he’ll go do something stupid. If I know it, surely you are not so blind to it, Zayn. We have to leave.” Harry could hear Niall’s voice very clearly as he approached the door to their small shared room at a hostel in town._

_They’d stopped due to storms and stayed a while, Harry was anxious and had gone out to feed in the late hours as it had been a nice evening out._

_The autumn air was comfortable with a slight warm breeze that blew against his skin. The night was clear and bright. Stars flickering one by one above him. He felt so much joy inside of him and he wasn’t sure why but he welcomed it. Now after having fed and getting his fill for a while he wandered back, finding Niall and Zayn bickering. Which was not unusual but the tone and level of it was._

_“We can’t just leave abruptly, he will know there is something going on. We can leave in the morning, try and keep him here for the night.” Zayn spoke as Harry stood by the door._

_He’d always been able to be around and not be heard, their senses seemed to ignore Harry’s presence. At first Zayn was capable of picking up on things with Harry. Eventually he said it was as if there was a wall between them. Something he found out early on was unusual about him. They had a way of telling if another person was a vampire or not. A sense for each other and Harry seemed to always slip under the rug as being one. That, and they could often smell some humans, some seemed more potent than others. In the end, for Harry, the ability to go unnoticed had proven to be a good thing many times over as he tended to get himself into all sorts of trouble with others._

_“Fine, but if he senses Louis… Zayn, he can’t know. This won’t end well and you know it. I do not have to know the entire story, to know that this isn’t going to go well.” Harry shoved the door open with a loud thud as it slammed into the wall behind it, both Zayn and Niall turning to look at Harry who was staring at them. “What?” He said, and he wasn’t sure what else to say. Because he heard Louis’ name._

_“Louis is alive.” Harry watched as Niall slapped Zayn upside his head and growled at him, “You fucking can’t just say that, mate. Why did you fucking do that?” “Because there was no use in trying to avoid it. He heard me well enough.”_

_“How is Louis alive? He died so long ago, it is impossible.”_

_Niall groaned loudly and sat down on the bed, “He was born in 1904 on Christmas Eve in Doncaster. He inherited a farm not far from here. I met a lad named Louis Tomlinson while I was trading this evening and when I got back, I told Zayn. He bloody well scoffed at me, but I kept talking about the lad because what are the odds? He showed me a drawing you had done, and it was him. It is him and--” Niall shrugged after he trailed off._

_Harry shook his head, “This can’t be right. It’s not possible.” “We’re vampires and you want to tell me this isn’t possible?” “Where?” Harry demanded, he looked between both the men with his fist clenched at his side._

_Zayn shook his head, “Harry, no. It’s better if we just go.” Harry ignored Zayn, looking at Niall as he scratched at his hands. “Where, Niall.” Niall ignored him as Zayn took a step forward. “I said where is he?” His voice was loud and both males jumped. Harry sighed and lowered his voice, “You do not get to have control over me. I will find out one way or another. Do not keep this from me, please.”_

_Niall looked at Zayn as he rattled off the location of the farm, watching as Zayn shook his head. Harry didn’t believe it, he needed to see him with his own eyes because how could it be possible? There was no way. Vampires where one thing, Louis being alive? Louis being born again and still being his Louis? It was something he had to see for himself. And for Harry, the possibility of seeing Louis again after all these years, after so long ago._

Harry can still hear the way the birds had chirped the next evening, while Louis fed his chickens. The way he whistled while he worked. Harry could whistle the same song by memory. He’d found the farm after he asked around. At first, no one seemed to want to give any directions. But eventually he found someone who was willing after he lied and said he’d grown up with him. Only it really wasn’t a lie if you think about it. 

As Harry got closer to the farm he felt like his fingers had started to fall asleep. A tingling feeling slowly crept up his arms and into his shoulders, down through his chest as he walked closer towards the farm. Once Louis came into view he understood why he felt it. He was feeling Louis, it was warm and loving. It made Harry feel alive once more and Harry wanted to run towards Louis and hold him against his body like he had so many years ago. He couldn’t do such a thing though and he knew it. 

Harry stayed out of sight as he crept closer and moved towards the large barn around the side of the house. He hid himself in the back in a stall that looked like it was used for storage more than a sleeping animal. It took Harry a few days before he finally braved taking a few cautious steps out of the barn. He could see Louis so clearly. Almost as if he was touchable and his body vibrated with warmth as he watched the way Louis’ hair blew in the autumn breeze. He had a soft smile on his face as he worked, content with himself and what he was doing. And it was like Harry had been taken back in time to the days before he lost him. A moment where he had laid on the grass and watched as Louis dug a hole for his Mum’s garden. Harry had known it was Louis, _his_ Louis and seeing him had filled a hole in his heart that had been empty for so many years. Now that feeling was once again gone, nothing but a lingering memory. It had once been filled with so much love and it was empty. The life he carried inside his chest had been Louis’ and it was gone, his body no longer tingling like his limbs were falling asleep. And deep down Harry knew, it was for good this time. He made a choice long ago to let Louis go, because he had to protect him and he would die before he ever let anyone take Louis’ breath from him before he could live a long life. The only thing Harry had asked of Zayn and Niall, was that they help make sure Louis was okay throughout the rest of his life. They agreed easily and Harry loved his friends for that. Because it brought some peace to him to know that in the end, he even got to see him once more, to see how he’d aged and lived a life worth living. 

Now though, Louis was once again gone and Harry still had to keep going without him. 

_** 1989 ** _

It had been a year and two months since Louis had passed. Harry was still mourning but he kept going because he found that he had no other choice. Some days he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. Hide away somewhere and just pretend he didn’t exist for a few hours. And then he had days where he would follow Zayn or Niall around like a lost puppy because he just needed them in some manner. The thing was, Harry knew Louis wouldn’t want him to be sad. He knew deep down that the way Harry felt and how he hurt still, was not what Louis would ever want for him. He knew the pain wasn’t ever going to fully go away, he’d simply learn to live with it. It would become a part of him as he went on through the years. But it would be manageable. Though in the end, what got Harry to start to take it one step at a time and not feeling like he had to force it away or pretend he didn’t hurt was Niall talking to him. The reminder that it will hurt, but being told by someone else that when it came down to it, if Louis knew how this was hurting Harry, he’d hate it. And sometimes even when we know that it's true, having someone else tell you the same thing helps. 

Harry had always known that Louis would want Harry to find something in this world, in his life, that brought him joy. And if he lost that something he’d want him to go find something else. So he did that, on his best days. He found something that could bring him even a small amount of joy. And on his bad days he just disappeared and let himself have them. And eventually the bad days didn’t always seem so bad or so long. Eventually he could go months without a bad day and then wake up and have this overwhelming sadness and longing for Louis. But it felt different this time around. It felt heavier as if it had carved a nice little place inside of Harry to sit permanently as a reminder. 

There were days that Harry would wake up with a gasp, his hands clenched tightly to the blanket across his body. Vivid images of memories from a time so long ago that he didn’t even think of them anymore. Things he’d locked away in the depths of his mind. And sometimes they came out at night and played like a movie in his dreams. 

___________

Another month passed through Harry’s life in the same way they all seemed to. Ignored and unaware of it for the most part. It was a blur of the same motions spinning around him while his life remained in place. He found that while he didn’t need to sleep, doing so helped break things up for a bit. And sometimes it was nice to dream for a little while. But some nights he couldn’t sleep at all because he was still struggling with his own thoughts and weaving his way through a world where he knew no Louis Tomlinson existed except in memories. A thought that he was ashamed to say he thought many times over the last few nights. And every time he felt sick to his stomach. Tonight was a night of restlessness as he sighed heavily while his fingers slowly brushed across the soft short fur of his cat who was curled up against his stomach, beneath the covers. Harry sometimes wished he could make a cat a vampire. Every time he whined about how unfair it was that his little fur baby couldn’t live forever, Zayn would chime in with logic. He didn’t like logic sometimes. He liked his cat though. It had taken the cat some time to not be skittish around Harry and once he learned to trust him, he was always with Harry. 

Sometimes Harry just couldn’t turn down his thoughts or emotions and he would be restless. So he’d stay in his room and just wait it out, knowing eventually he’d go to sleep. Other times a dream or even a nightmare would wake him and he’d be unable to go back to sleep. Sometimes he’d remembered them from a previous night and it would keep him from being able to slip into slumber. That was why he was currently up. And the fact that the dream had felt more like a vision than anything else and it was unusual for him. It was as if he had tunnel vision and everything was slightly blurred around the edges. These types of dreams or, whatever they are, had started about two years after he had been turned. 

Harry had them sporadically with the frequency increasing lately. Lately though, they seem to be happening more frequently. Even having them when he's zoned out and sitting on the sofa. He started to recognise some of the places and the most recent ones are the city he’s in. He has urges to go to the part of the city that he’s seen in his visions of sorts. Although when he voiced it to Zayn, he and Niall were very adamant about him not doing that. 

The reasoning being that they felt it could be a trap of sorts, as some vampires were not nice and knew how to manipulate things. After laying in the darkness, the visions flickered through his mind. Harry tried to ignore them for them to return thirty minutes later. His mind would wander to parts he tried to avoid, leading him back to memories of Louis The urge grew stronger as the visions increased, Harry gave in. He dressed and was across town before realizing his actions. He let the pull guide him, hoping the rope didn't lead him to danger.

He ended up outside of a club with a neon sign that flickered above the heavy door. A guard by the door ignored Harry as he pulled the door open and loud 80’s dance music spilled out around him. He made his way inside and his eyes scanned the room. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, or who to be more precise because he knew he was there to find someone. He slowly moved his way through the wave of people moving to the beat of the song. Harry tripped over his own feet because sometimes he lacked the simple thing of balance. His hands reached out for the bar top in front of him so he wouldn’t fall. He shot a glance down to the floor with a slight glare at his own two feet for betraying him once more. He hoped that nobody else had seen what just happened and ran a hand through his hair. He turned to his left and met two very familiar feeling eyes staring at him. 

They belonged to a female with a blunt cut bob and deep red painted lips. Harry took a deep breath and swallowed as he dropped his hands to his side, her mouth opened and she blinked a few times before she pushed off the bar stool and pulled him into a hug, a hug that felt like home from so long ago. And even now as he buried his face into her shoulder, she still smelled the same. A soft hint of honey and vanilla like a lotion she used to make. “Gemma.” He sobbed into her shoulder, the fabric of her dress felt rough against his cheek as he buried his face into her shoulder. 

“Oh, Harry, oh my god. I can’t believe it’s you.” She spoke loudly into his ear, he knew she was trying to make sure that he could hear her but he didn’t care if it hurt his ears. She could scream for all he cared just as long as she didn’t leave.

He was hesitant to pull back but he did, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jean jacket as she smiled, laughing. He shook his head, smiling back. “But how? How are you…. Gem it’s been…” He trailed off trying to do the math. 

Gemma nodded, her fingers lacing between Harry’s as she took his hand in hers, “100 and-” “61 years” he finished her words and it felt too real. Because at that moment he knew what it meant and if he had blood flowing through his body he’d surely feel it drain out of him.

“You’re…” He said softly before he shot a glance around not wanting to say it. Her smile in return was a sad one before she gave a slight nod of her head. “We need to talk, little brother.” 

“Yeah, we do. Where can we go? I live a good ways from here.” Harry responded, squeezing her hand because he didn’t want to let go. Not yet.

“I don’t. I live upstairs, we can go to my flat. Let me just tell my mates bye.” She went to step away but he refused to let go of her hand which caused her to laugh a little. She gave him a sad smile. “Harry, I promise, I will be right back. Just stay, okay?” “I just got you back, I don’t want to let you go.” She patted Harry’s cheek and kissed his forehead which left a bright red lip print. Gemma reached up and smeared it away with her thumb. “Give me a moment. I’m not going anywhere.” 

________________

Harry was sitting on Gemma’s sofa, a pillow of her’s clutched in his lap as he listened to her talk from the bedroom while she changed into something else. She had been telling him how she lucked out on the flat with no rent needed. As long as she worked at the club she could live rent free, all expenses paid. Harry closed his eyes and listened to her talk, if it wasn’t for the slight change in the way she spoke, the modernism in her speech, Harry could almost pretend they were back home on their small plot of land. He could faintly hear the distant clucks of their chickens outside and the sound of horse hooves as someone rode by his bedroom window. 

He felt the sofa dip beside him and a hand cover the top of his. Harry opened his eyes and looked at her. 

She smiled at him. “I missed you, oh god I missed you so much.” Harry nodded and swallowed his emotions back. He didn’t think he could speak right now, afraid if he opened his mouth a sob would fall from his lips instead of words. He blinked and that was it. But Gemma took him in her arms and wrapped herself around him tightly. She rocked slightly and they cried. 160 years apart. 160 years, mourning his family, mourning his big sister. Because he had assumed they, like everyone else in his life from that time, had long ago passed away. He never thought in a million years that he would ever see Gemma again. He guessed he shouldn’t be too surprised though, he did watch Louis live through a second chance at life. Harry frowned and pulled away from Gemma. He wiped his face with his hands. 

“You.” He swallowed, he didn’t know how to word it. He just knew she was a vampire too. He knew enough after seeing Louis once more, that if Gemma had ended up at a second chance in this world that she wouldn’t remember him. Would her world even have a Harry in it? He shook his head, “You’re a vampire. Right?”

She nodded, “Yes. Have been for ages now.” “When?” 

“The 14th of August of 1832.” “After me. When I disappeared, I had been turned and left there. Zayn - he is a vampire also, he found me. He’s been my best friend all this time.” Harry smiled a little at that, that even after so many years, Zayn has stayed by his side, Niall too. “He thinks whoever turned me hadn’t meant to. They just wanted to feed and went too far. It was either let me die or turn me. If they let me die, it could have raised alarms because it would be obvious with the bite marks he’d said.” 

“That’s what happened to you? We all thought the worst because-” Her shoulders slouched and she looked down at her hands, smoothing over her pajama bottoms. 

“What is it?” 

“Louis died, he fell off his horse and we all thought you may have done something drastic to yourself.” Gemma’s voice was soft, quiet as she spoke. 

“I knew he had died, I was there. I was saying goodbye to him. I told him why I had to leave.” He takes a deep breath. The hurt is still so strong even after all those years that have passed. “I ended up showing him my teeth because he was insistent I just go home, like he thought I was being foolish. I needed him to believe me and he got so angry, he told me to go. I scared Pippi. I should have known she was startled, all the signs were there.” “Oh Harry, no. You can’t do that, especially not now. He would never have wanted you to feel that guilt. Not even if he had been mad.” 

Harry wiped his nose with his hand and laughed at his manners, Gemma smiled at him, tilting her head some. “What happened to his family? To you guys?” He asked as she reached over and grabbed a tissue from a box on her coffee table.

She handed it to him and kept one for herself, “The Tomlinsons moved a few months after. Lottie had gone missing around the same time you did, and some others from our village. It was assumed she’d been taken.” She sighed as she closed her eyes before she opened them again. She looked at Harry with such a sad smile. “After Louis died. Gosh, I haven’t said those words in so long. But, well they moved. I don’t know what ever came of them. I tried to find out.” Gemma shrugged a shoulder as she plucked at the corner of a tissue. “We stayed put.” “How did you get turned?” Gemma hesitated for a moment before she glanced at Harry and back at her hands. “I was sick.” Harry didn’t ask for anymore information. He didn’t want to know anything else about it. She made the choice to have this life. “What about Mum? Dad?” 

“Oh they knew. The one who turned me, she was so kind about it. She’d found me weeping by the pond over at the Tomlinson farm. It was still vacant. I told her I was going to die and she told me I had options. I went to Mum and talked to her. At first she thought I was delirious with a fever.” Gemma looked towards a magazine on the coffee table. “In the end though, she finally told me that whatever I wished in my final months, she hoped that I would be happy with my choice. I do not know if she ever understood really. I just never aged.” Gemma swallowed as she looked over at a framed drawing. 

Harry followed her eyes and found an old painted family portrait that was hung by her back door, semi out of sight blocked by a large plant. “You still have that?” “It’s all I had left.” “What happened to Mum and Dad?” 

“They passed from old age. I moved away for a while, went to work at a small bakery a few towns over. I had to be careful but as they got older, I didn’t care anymore. We moved west and found a small place with what money we had. They got to grow old and I got to be there for them. No one asked questions but I found the town to be home to many like you and I. I think it was sort of kept secret in a way that the town folks knew.” 

Harry nodded as he pulled a foot up beneath his thigh. “I can’t believe that I’m looking at my big sister.”

She smiled brightly and blinked away a few new tears. Harry huffed out a laugh and debated not saying anything about Louis. But he wanted to, he wanted to talk about him. He liked talking about Louis. “Louis and I slept together, we had a relationship and we’d been… well intimate…” Harry took a deep breath, feeling slightly embarrassed to tell her such things. But he’d always been honest with her. She’d been the first to know that he’d had a crush on Louis at all. “I was walking home from his before anyone woke when I was taken.” Gemma’s face was blank and she nodded her head slightly but didn’t respond. Harry wished that whatever connection pulled them back together would let him know what she was feeling. He couldn’t read her at all. “I loved him.” He swallowed and looked down at his hands. “I still love him. I don’t think I will ever stop loving him and I don’t care if it’s wrong. I miss him every fucking day. I had a second chance and I watched it slip away. I watched it go by me for 57 years.”

“What do you mean?” She looked a little confused and Harry glanced away for a moment. 

He let his eyes scan across her living area, taking it all in before they slowly went back to her. She was just sitting there patiently waiting for him to continue. He wanted to sit here forever with her and just talk. “Louis died in the year 1828. But Louis was-” He didn’t know how to say it. It sounded weird to even him and he lived it. “He was born again in the year 1904 and lived until he was 84.” 

“Wait, what? How is that?” “Possible? I don’t know, Gemma. I stopped trying to figure it out.” “Did you ever speak to him, did he know you?” Harry nodded, “I basically lived with him for a few months. He didn’t know me though. I was just a stranger to him. We ended up being close, like it was all those years ago. But, it was the 1930s, times didn’t agree with two men being in a relationship. I had to leave him though. Some careless ones started drawing attention. Some humans decided to take matters into their own hands and in the end, humans were being killed for protecting vampires and Louis’ life was at risk. So I left before they caught wind of me.” “Why didn’t you just turn him?” “I would never do it without his permission and vampires had been brought up. The disgust he had for us was telling enough. He would never have agreed to it. I let him go again. Niall followed him around, stayed close and I occasionally watched him throughout his life. His mind started to go as he got older and I could get away with sitting with him at his nursing home. Though sometimes, I think he remembered me, because he would look at me and smile and tell me I reminded him of someone from his better days. And the way he’d say it, I just knew what he meant.” 

“So you had a second chance with Louis and you got close again, but you didn’t turn him and you watched him die?” 

“Pretty much.” “Oh, love. Why would you do that to yourself? That has to be awful, Harry. I wish I had found you sooner.” She leaned forward and pulled him into a tight hug. Harry didn’t respond, but he also wished she’d found him sooner. Maybe life would have been more bearable, even by just a little bit by having her around. They sat and talked for a few more hours before Harry realised he’d left without telling Niall or Zayn. He had a habit of leaving notes or telling them he’d gone out and this time he hadn’t done either. He told Gemma he should go, they didn’t have a landline for him to ring Zayn on and he had no other way to get a message to either of them. 

“I don’t want to leave you.” He frowned as he tugged on his bottom lip with his fingers.

“Harry, you found me and I promise you, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t suddenly disappear. I have no reason to leave. The club owner is a vampire. There’s a dozen of us in the area, so I’m happy staying put for a while. You go home and see your mates, come by anytime.” 

Harry hesitated before he nodded, “I just - this doesn’t feel real.” “It is. I promise you.” 

________________

The next day Harry had gone over to Gemma’s around midday and asked if she wanted to meet Zayn and Niall. Harry hadn’t told them about her or that he found her. He still couldn’t believe it himself. His sister was alive, she was like him and had been all along. She’d agree easily and when they got back to Harry's, Niall was the first one to see Gemma, he raised an eyebrow at Harry. “This is my sister” Harry yelled out suddenly and heard Gemma laugh a bit as she greeted Niall.

She introduced herself and Harry watched her as she did. Niall seemed baffled as he looked over at Harry. 

“Mate, I didn’t know your sister had been turned too. Or that you even had one.” Niall stated after he greeted her..

“Me neither. Er, well. I mean I knew I had one, but I had no idea she was one of us.” 

“How did you go so long without knowing?” It was Zayn’s voice as he walked into the living area and towards Gemma. He was inspecting her, trying to get a read on her. Harry could pick up Zayn’s emotions sometimes. He wanted to roll his eyes and snap at Zayn, but he let him be.

“I was turned a few years after he disappeared. I had no way to find him.” Harry could practically see when the light bulb went off in her mind. She turned towards Harry, “Which, how did you find me?” Harry walked over to the sofa and sat down. He looked up as Gemma walked by him and sat beside him. Both Niall and Zayn took seats in the smaller sofa across from them. “Well-” He looked towards Zayn as he spoke, “You know those visions I always discussed? The ones that I thought had been dreams until I had them when I was also awake?” Zayn nodded, his eyes shifted between Harry and Gemma.

“They became really intense and I felt this pull on me. I gave in and let the pull guide me. It took me right to her.” Zayn nodded for a moment before he looked over at Niall. 

“I would get visions too, but they came with a feeling of intense pain. Like emotional pain.” Gemma frowned as if she’d connected the dots from everything Harry had told her to what she just said. 

“Last night, before I showed up. How did you feel?” Harry asked her as he saw Zayn get up out of the corner of his eye. Zayn walked over to the books on a small shelf by the backdoor. 

“I’d fought with my boyfriend. He’s a human and-” She sighed as she looked down at her hands. She laughed lightly before she shrugged it off, “Anyway I guess you could say my ex. I had fought with him and we’d dated for seven years.”

“Did he know you were...?” The word didn’t need to be spoken, everyone knew what Niall was asking her.

Gemma nodded, “Yeah. There’s people these days who let themselves be used for feeding. It’s underground and many who do hear about it, blow it off as goth kids being stupid and biting each other. It’s not just those types though as vampires will pay a human who is willing. This way they don’t risk getting caught and these places try to make it safe so no one gets careless. Or they get a job at a blood bank but we don’t discuss that.” 

“So, you both had visions from each other? if you two got turned by the same vampire, you could have had an emotional connection since you’re siblings. The only other ones who ever have it, are soul mates. Sometimes between humans and vampires or vampires and vampires. Which apparently can be more vivid and you can seek each other out by feeling alone. That is if you know what you’re feeling is your mate.” Zayn closed a book he had, putting it back on the shelf. “At least that seems to be the _theory_. Any books on vampires that are by actual ones, are done in theory because, well, we don’t exist. _You know_.” 

“So will we continue to have them?” Gemma asked, watching Zayn as he walked back over to sit beside Niall. 

Zayn shrugged, “If one of you is upset maybe. It seems to be related to negative feelings. But you also had no idea the other was alive. Some siblings who find each other fill the connection and they stop having them. I guess. It doesn't explain how it happens but they tend to not have the visions at all anymore once connected again. It seems to be soulmates who can continue to have them more in day to day lives, or apart. Maybe just being in each other's lives could halt them. You just have to wait and see, really.” 

Harry was fine with that, especially if it meant his sister being in his life. She seemed okay with it also. They spent the rest of the day talking with Zayn and Niall before Zayn left to find a job to do. He’d show up at places that were particularly busy and ask if he could do anything for spare cash. It somehow worked, but he also had a way with charming people. Harry called it his super power. Gemma and Harry started working on rebuilding a relationship. So much time had passed even though Harry felt like nothing had changed at all. That wasn’t the reality of it. So much had changed in the decades that had passed since they last saw each other. They had both changed, they had to adapt to survive and blend in. Some refused and would find a place of solitude. Only coming out to feed or simply raising animals to sate their hunger. Harry could not imagine such a life - endless solitude. He hoped no matter what was ahead of him, he didn't lose Gemma again.

A promise she made multiple times when he would bring it up. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, it’s just that it still felt too good to be true. But Niall had told Harry that it wasn’t the first time siblings had been turned at separate times only to find each other later, and it won’t be the last. He also told him to stop thinking so deeply about it, but it was hard for Harry to do as it had been so long since he was truly happy. He felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He eventually told Gemma that and she simply smiled at him before she pulled him into a hug.

“Harry, not all happy things have to end. I have no reason to leave you. And if I ever do, we can easily stay in touch. This world is not the same as when we last saw each other. Communication is so much easier these days.” He’d nodded and decided to just let things be. He needed to focus on the good things he had. And she was right in the end, they could keep in touch no matter the miles between them. It wasn’t an easy thing for him to do, but he worked at it and slowly with each passing day it got easier to just not focus on the bad all the time, or the what ifs that could come up. It became a little easier to just live. 

_** 1990s. ** _

In early 1990, Harry and Niall had grown bored of the town they had been living in. Niall suggested one day that they look for somewhere new. They let Gemma pick, though blindly as they handed her a push pin and blind folded her. She picked a familiar town to the guys. Harry pretended to not acknowledge it. 

“Eh, maybe we should pick another one?” Zayn asked as he glanced over at Harry before he went and pulled the pin out of the map on the wall.

“No, It’s fine.” Harry spoke up with a sigh, he licked his lips as he crossed his arms, he _was_ fine with it. He couldn’t avoid the place forever. Well, he could but he didn’t want to. Louis was gone and life for Harry was going to go on until either the Earth’s time came to an end, or until his own fate was over. There was no use in ignoring places and pretending they didn’t exist because someone else no longer existed. 

So, Doncaster it was. 

___________________

They had all found a place on the outskirts of town with both Gemma and Harry easily finding a job at a small book store. It was a Mom and Pop style shop that smelled like old books. Harry absolutely loved it. The wooden floors creaked as you moved around and some books had to be almost as old as he and Gemma. Niall and Zayn found odd jobs around town for a while before they both ended up working a night shift as security at a bank. Harry had laughed at that one. 

They had been in Doncaster for a while now. It was currently the Christmas season and sometimes that made Harry miss his old life, his old world just a little more than normal. He was happy though that he now had Gemma in his life, once more. But he couldn’t help the ache in his chest for his Mum and Dad. For Louis. They had decorated, which wasn’t a new tradition. Harry actually enjoyed the lights and the trees. The way cities would decorate the streets and the lights would glow at night. Harry really enjoyed taking walks around at night, looking at all the homes and shops lit up. Which was something he’d been doing almost nightly the last few weeks. He’d slowly become more and more anxious as time wore on, he felt like he was almost vibrating sometimes. He’d ended up getting kicked out of the house for pacing, which was why he started to take walks when it happened. Let the cold air flow over his skin, watch the smoke from chimneys float up into the sky. 

It had all started in March after he’d woken from a dream, or if you asked him, a nightmare. It was intense and vivid. So much that, even nine months later he could still feel the way he felt in the dream, still see Louis clear as ever. As if he’d been standing in front of Harry, as if he was right there. Harry had tried to do his best to ignore it, push the feelings aside and on some days it was worse than others. Especially now, on Christmas Eve. A time when he already felt a tug at his emotions, as his mind reminded him of what he’d lost so long ago. Of who he’d lost not once, but twice. He just needed to clear his mind a little. Shake the feeling and he’d be fine. But tonight it felt stronger, pulling at him as he bit his bottom lip with his hands shoved into the pockets of his long wool coat. His head tilted down with a scarf around his neck. He was missing Louis a little more tonight knowing it was the very night Louis had been born into this world twice before. He hoped he was at peace wherever he was. That his Mum and Dad were too. 

____________

Harry was staring at a book in his hand, the binding was shot and worn away and every single time he tried to open it more, another page would fall from the broken spine. He looked up at the lady who’d brought it to him, asking if he could fix it. He was trying to figure out if he could. He felt like something in the depths of his mind might be able to help him. He sighed and sat the old book down, which amusingly enough was called, La Morte Amoureuse. It was about a priest named Romuald who fell in love with Clarimonde, a woman who turned out to be a vampire. It was written in 1836. Harry was familiar with it. The woman who brought it in wasn’t a vampire. She was older, maybe around fifty years old. The book he held was over 50 years old. A reprint from the 1940’s. He nodded, smiling at the woman. “Leave me your name and number and I will see what I can do.” He slid a pen and paper over to her and watched as she smiled widely and did as he asked. She left the store after she thanked him multiple times. He sat the book aside with her name and number tucked inside the flap and looked up as Zayn walked in. Behind him was another vampire, glasses perched on his nose. Harry opened the till and pulled all the cash out to start counting it and watched as the other vampire, who was named Liam, walked over to look at some books. 

Zayn had met Liam outside a club in 1994. Some guys had tried to start shit with Gemma while she was having a smoke with Zayn. Zayn had returned back inside, when they came up and started to taunt her and grabbed her arm as she started to walk away. Liam had been passing by and stepped in immediately. It was one flash of his fangs for the man to back off, calling Liam some sort of monster. Gemma bought Liam a drink and Zayn went home with him that night. 

He’d been around ever since, where Zayn was, Liam was. 

“So, have you seen Niall?” Zayn asked as Harry put the cash away in a lock box beneath the front desk. 

Harry shook his head, “Not since last week. Still haven't heard from him?” 

“No. Guess he got tired of us.” Zayn laughed it off but Harry could tell it wasn’t an honest laugh. 

But it wouldn’t be the first time Niall wandered off on his own, and likely wouldn’t be the last. He’d done it before in the 1920’s. Just said he was going to go for a walk. They didn’t see him for five and a half years and then they ran into him on the streets of New York one night. All the more amusing to Harry because they’d been in Italy when he left. He took off another time in the 50’s for a year also. Harry just blew it off as him needing space because he’d been alone for the most part before he met Zayn and Harry. Sometimes Harry debated wandering off himself. But he didn’t want to leave Gemma. Zayn had Liam and they were a couple now. 

Every once in a while, Harry wondered if it wouldn’t be a bad idea if he and Gemma decided to go somewhere else for a bit. He thinks they all will find their way back to each other in time. Zayn’s eyes narrow at Harry and he leaned down on top of the desk, moving closer to Harry as if he’d see inside his mind. 

“What are you thinking, little one?” 

Harry meets his eyes and blinks a few times, “Maybe Gemma and I should go for a while.” The common thought lately had weasled it’s way back into his mind. Zayn stood upright and gave Harry a nod, before he glanced over his shoulder. “We’ve been together for 167 years.” “A long time.” Harry says, as if Zayn has no idea.

“You won’t forget me will you?” Harry smiled weakly and shook his head, “I could never forget you, Zayn.” 

And it’s the truth. No matter what happens to him in this long life of his, Zayn was forever going to be part of that world. For Harry, there was no other vampire he’d rather spend an eternity with. 

Zayn had been what got Harry through some of his darkest moments, the being that kept him from nearly murdering some people while he fed because he was so angry at the world that he didn’t pay attention. The one who would always pick him back up time after time and dry his tears. They got closer as time went by. However close they got though, they never got intimate, but one night in the 60s it came up. One time when it was just him and Zayn sharing a studio apartment in California, they’d started to kiss and it broke into laughter between the two of them. It didn’t feel weird or anything, it just wasn’t right. They had no chemistry. And Harry was okay with that, and Zayn was too. They had tried it, and realised they were better suited to be what they are, best friends. “Don’t lose me, okay? Come back to me, at some point. Please?” Harry looked past Zayn and watched as Liam pulled another book from a shelf, adding it to the stack in his arms. His eyes fall back to Zayn’s, “I will. I promise.” A few nights later, Harry is at the book shop with Gemma as she looks up places in a geography book. She had suggested they go to America, Harry didn’t care where. He was excited at this semi new adventure. He was sad to be leaving Zayn, but he’d decided to take a walk with Liam and he told him how far back he and Zayn went. How much Zayn meant to him and how important he was. Liam didn’t hesitate in promising to stay with Zayn. He quietly told Harry that he couldn’t imagine seeing himself leaving Zayn. He loved him and knowing such a thing helped a little. But it was scary for Harry because he hadn’t been away from Zayn in so long. The only times had been when he was with Louis in the 30s. But even during those days, Zayn wasn’t that far away. 

Gemma had kept reassuring him they’d all meet up again. She and Harry had decided that they would work their way across the US and just see where they ended up. When they made their decision and it was all put into motion, Harry told Zayn and thanked him for everything. He wanted him to know, just in case they never saw each other again, that he felt he owed him so much for all the things he did for Harry. All the times he comforted him and was there for him when he thought he was losing it all. And as hard as it was for him to leave Zayn, Harry felt it was time. He felt that this was something he needed to do. 

He and Zayn spent one more night alone together, like they did many, many times before and counted the stars one by one. They watched the moon move across the clear night sky and talked about the years that had passed. The moments that they missed and the moments they wish they never saw. Harry held Zayn’s hand against his stomach as they laid in the dead grass from sunset to sun up.

They quietly walked to the small bookshop and stopped outside the door as Harry unlocked it. He turned back towards Zayn and smiled a little. 

“So, I guess this is where we say goodbye?” Harry mumbled and looked down at his hands before he looked up at Zayn. 

Zayn’s lip twitched, “I know. I’ll see you again, someday. Try to live a little, okay? You deserve it, little one.” Harry swallowed and pressed his lips together tightly. He didn’t say anything else because he didn’t think he could. He thinks if he opens his mouth an incoherent sob would fall from his lips instead. So he says nothing, taking the hug that was offered and burying his face into Zayn’s obnoxious leather jacket. His staple item since 1987. When Zayn turned to leave, Harry had to look away. He once watched as Louis faded into the distance and he couldn’t watch it happen to Zayn.

Harry spent that day doing whatever he could to keep himself busy around the shop, getting it cleaned up and everything sorted until Gemma showed up. She immediately hugged him and told him it would all be alright. He wanted to believe her, but Harry always carried the what ifs in his mind. The day moved slowly as he did his normal work. He tried to focus on the routine he was used to and not the fact that he was leaving it all behind soon. Leaving everything behind and starting over somewhere else, once again. Harry was standing behind the counter with the old book in his hands. He’d found a man in another town who could repair books and told Harry he would come pick it up in a few days and fix the book for the woman. He’d have it returned to her and for Harry to not worry about it. The man would return it to her, meaning one less thing for him to worry about.

“So, we leave in the morning?” Gemma spoke up from her spot in the corner of the small shop. 

Harry sat the book aside, a note on top to the owner and nodded, “Yeah. I packed last night. I promised I’d lock up once more here. Liam’s going to take over my spot and--” He shrugged, “That’s all.” 

“It’ll be okay, you know?” “I know, it just feels weird leaving Zayn here.” It made Harry sad but he knew this was the right choice. 

He knew that sometimes he had to let go of things. And that sometimes, life has a way of bringing them back to him. He just hoped that it would bring Zayn back to him someday. He needed to do this, he needed to have a life with his sister. One that he’d missed out on all those years ago. 


	3. Chapter Three

_** _** Harry. 2015.  ** _ ** _

Harry was sitting in a small diner with a 1950’s vibe. The waitresses and cooks all had time period specific uniforms, a few of them were wearing roller skates. The fries in front of him were drowning in ketchup. Gemma was sitting across from him, a small phone in her hands and he watched as she scrolled through it. It was 2015 and he still wasn’t used to the fact that he could talk on a phone that fit into his pocket. Harry wasn’t used to many things of the modern world and he hated the change. He felt that given that he could see the world change in ways most humans couldn’t, it allowed him to see how people acted about things. He felt for the older people who held onto their old ways of life and wished he too could easily do that. 

Over the last 14 years, Harry had watched technology change so quickly he started to be bitter about it. It amused Gemma and she had started to call him a moody grump almost daily but he couldn’t help it. He was simply tired of the way things were. He didn’t find a weird joy that she found in seeing what the future may hold. He tried to find the joy in things and some days have been better than others, but for the most part he was just over it. He didn’t like having to wear clothes to fit with the times, but Gemma had pointed out he drew more attention by dressing in outdated styles. Harry didn’t like that, he liked going unnoticed. He was good at moving through a room as if he didn’t exist. Sometimes Harry just wanted to be reckless and for him that meant feeding on a person in the corner of a dingy club as some underground band played out of key on stage beside them. Gemma hated that he would do it, it put him at risk. 

Life for vampires has changed drastically. More and more people are aware of their existence and there’s more underground clubs for them. But as more become aware of them, the rules for them became tighter. Harry could face being ostracized if he was caught feeding how he does. Gemma warned that of the crime implications beyond being shunned by the community they had worked hard to join. It made life easier to have more friends who were like them, to feel understood. They had been through similar circumstances. Not exactly the same, Harry didn't mention that he watched his soulmate live two lives. But many of them had lost a loved won because they stayed human. Some had lost one because they were killed after being turned.

He slid into the bright red booth, the fabric of his wide legged black trousers caused him to slide down as he settled into his new seat. Harry looked over at Liam who smiled before he started to stab his fries with a fork.

Four years after he and Gemma went to the states Zayn found them. He said he was able to seek Harry out and could feel his weird mopey vibes all the way from England. Harry had rolled his eyes but he’d always known that Zayn and him had a connection. He didn’t care though and had been beyond thrilled to have Zayn back in his life. They stumbled upon Niall a week later, a tall slender human on his arm. He loudly and proudly announced he was dating a guy whose name was Shawn. Two months later when Shawn refused to be turned because he wanted to live life as a human he and Niall broke up. Three months later Shawn came back to Niall, having been turned against his will and it angered Niall. They had been able to find the vampire who did it because Shawn remembered where it had happened; she’d taken him back to her place.

That was when Harry had met his maker. It had been a shock as if he was looking into a photograph from the past.

__“Lottie.” He breathed her name out in shock as the images that snapped into his head at seeing her told him things he never thought he’d have an answer to. He didn’t think that seeing a ghost from his past would cause him to feel so many things at once. He felt sad, and happy, because it was Lottie. He felt a heavy betrayal laced with anger._ _

__Gemma hadn’t looked so shocked though when she saw her. In fact, it was the opposite of what Harry would have expected._ _

__They acted like old friends, granted, in a way they had been. But not in the manner he was thinking. No, they acted like they hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years. Hugging and holding hands._ _

__“Hold on, what the hell is going on?” Harry demanded as he looked at Lottie and Gemma smiling at each other. Lottie stepped away from Gemma and bit her bottom lip.__

__“How on earth is she standing - no. No I know how, but. Why has no one told me?” Harry looked towards Gemma expecting her to answer. She simply shrugged._ _

__“She asked me to not tell you.”_ _

__“Why?” He was looking at Lottie this time and she looked at the ground._ _

__Zayn was there and he cleared his throat. He looked at Lottie, “You need to be honest. I never agreed to protect you, that was on Gemma. But you need to be honest. And then explain why you turned Shawn. He didn’t want to be turned, Lottie.”_ _

__Lottie nodded, “I know, I messed up and it was either turn him or let him die.”_ _

__She looked over at Harry and Harry felt numb. “What?” “I turned you, also.” Her voice was quiet as she looked at her hands, her long nails sparkling in the light above her._ _

__“I need everyone to leave, please.” “Harry, I don’t thi-” “I don’t care what you think, Zayn. I need to talk to her alone.” Zayn hesitated, looking at Gemma before he walked over to Harry, “You’re angry. I can feel it. I don’t think you should be alone with her.”_ _

__Harry’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Zayn, he shook his head. “If you think I am going to hurt her, Louis’ little sister, you are dead wrong. I need to talk to her and my anger is a little fucking valid right now.”_ _

__Harry watched everyone but Lottie leave, and he sat down on a chair by the backdoor. “So this was why Gemma was adamant we come here. How long have you guys been in touch?”_ _

__“Since she was turned. I knew the person who did it to her, I introduced them.” “Why did no one tell me you were a vampire? How long have you been one?”_ _

__She looked away from Harry, a slight shrug of her shoulders, “Three months before I turned you. I told them not to. When I found out that Gemma had found you, I asked her to never tell you.”_ _

__“Why the fuck did you grab me? Do you know what happened because of it?” He wanted to blame her for Louis’ death. But deep down he knew that was the wrong thing to do. He knew deep down that putting it on her was never going to fix anything, it wouldn’t bring back Louis._ _

__Lottie smiled weakly, “I was hungry and no one told me what to do. I got scared when you stopped breathing so I turned you because it was all I knew to do. I didn’t even know if I was doing it right.” She swallowed and wiped her cheek. “I had gotten scared because I wasn’t thinking. I saw you walking from Louis’ and I just felt so hungry. If I had done it right, you’d likely not remember. But I went too far because I hadn’t fed in so long.”_ _

__“I really...” He had to stop himself before he lashed out at her. He understood what it was like to be left with no guidance, he owed so much to Zayn for stepping up and helping him. “I wish I had known sooner.” It was the truth. He wished he had known sooner, known all this so long ago. “Being angry won’t change anything. It’s all been done and it won’t bring Louis back.” “He was angry because he knew I had been turned. When I woke up the morning after, I went to him. I was scared and covered in blood. He had told me that someone had killed one of his horses, and he was hearing rumours from Oli about people having nightmares of being bitten by something and waking up with blood on them.” Lottie sighed, looking over at Harry. Hearing those words put a perspective on things that Harry never thought he’d have. He frowned and looked at Lottie, watching as she got up and opened the backdoor. A small toy poodle came trotting in and over to Harry. “Do you know what happened when he died?” For the first time he wants to say, but he doesn’t._ _

__She nodded her head as she sat back on the sofa, the poodle hopping up to sit beside her. “Gemma told me. Louis knew I had turned you because I had panicked. I ran back to his place. I was there when you came up the road. I snuck out the door while you two were talking.” “Why was he so angry with me?” “He was angry with me too. He was angry because we got changed, he thought we were horrible things now who would kill at will. He would lock his door at night to keep me from coming in.”_ _

__“I loved him. I wanted to be with him.” Harry whispered, looking down at his hands in his lap. “He loved you too, Harry. He always had.” “He hated me for what I was.” Harry could feel her emotions and he hated it because he could tell how genuinely sad she felt right now. He couldn’t hate her when he knew she cared so much about Louis and what all had happened. He wanted to loathe her. He really did. “No, he could never. He just didn’t understand. Louis loved you more than anything and he always will. Wherever he is, Harry. He loves you for you no matter what you are.” “Do you ever think about how if you’d left me alone he would have lived?” It was harsh and he didn’t care because it was the truth._ _

__She got up and walked over to Harry, kneeling down beside him. “Every day of my life.” Harry looked over at her, “Good.” “No apologies will change anything, but I am sorry. I can’t fix it. We can’t go back. But I am sorry it all happened and I live with it everyday. He was my big brother, Harry.” Harry looked at Lottie and leaned forward, pulling her into a tight hug._ _

It took Harry some time to come around to her, and once he did, he was happy to have her in his life. It reminded him of some very old times. He hadn’t wanted to mention Louis and the fact that he’d been born all over again. The fact that it meant their Mum had been born again. That their sisters had also. When Harry knew Louis for that short time in the 30’s. Louis had told Harry about how he had 3 sisters, two were twins. Lottie wasn’t a sister to Louis then, and now it made sense. At the time though, Harry hadn’t put very much thought into it, he had simply assumed that unfortunately something had happened. He was technically right. She’d been turned into a vampire in the 1800s. 

Gemma had been the one to bring it up. Lottie was over one night and she decided on her own to just announce it like it was no big deal.

__“Louis lived again.” She’d said, which caused Lottie to look very confused._ _

__Gemma had nodded, “Yeah so, apparently, he had been born in Doncaster in 1904 to your Mum. He grew up and he inherited a farm. Well, the guys had been going through Doncaster right? And Niall somehow met Louis. Harry here, with his stupidly insane hearing, overheard the discussion and then went looking for Louis. Spent a good amount of time with him too.” Lottie was staring at Gemma as if she’d just grown another head. “What are you on about?”_ _

__“Oh? You didn’t know?”_ _

__Harry was debating just trying to sneak out of the room; however, he sighed and looked at Gemma with frustration. “You knew she didn’t know. You literally knew that I hadn’t told her.”_ _

__She simply shrugged, “Well now she does.” Harry walked over to a still very confused Lottie, sitting down beside her on the sofa. He ran his hands over his thighs before he glanced at her. She raised her eyebrows at him in question._ _

__“So, she’s right. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how. It’s something I just don’t question. I mean, we exist so - like, I imagine weirder things happen in this world, you know?” His throat felt dry, he reached forward for the glass in front of him, it was Lottie’s but he didn’t care at the moment. He took a small sip of the water and set it back down._ _

__“I’m not really sure I follow, Harry.”_ _

__“In 1904 a boy by the name of Louis was born on the 24th of December. He lived until 1988. He had no family and he passed away in his sleep.” Harry nodded his head as he got up, “Come on.” He said before he headed down the hall to his room. He could hear Lottie following behind him as he opened his bedroom door and walked in._ _

__Harry went over to a metal box on top of his dresser and grabbed it, going over to the bed and sitting down. He patted the spot beside him and smiled a little once Lottie walked over and sat down. Harry took a deep breath. He rarely ever opened the box anymore. It held too many memories. He opened it and the first photo was the one he was thinking of. A small photo with Louis standing on his porch, leaning against a wood post. His arms were crossed as he stared at the person who took the photo. Harry doesn’t know who, he’d snagged it one day while he was staying with Louis. He never regrets the few photos he’d snatched up. Especially now, when he has one of Louis and his sisters. He hands the first photo to Lottie and watches as she covers her mouth with her hand, a soft gasp being muffled._ _

__She drags her fingers over the photo and smiles at it, looking over at Harry and then back at the photo. “It’s my brother.”_ _

__Harry handed her another one, this one was just his shoulders and up. It was more close up of him and had been folded at one point. Harry used to carry it around in a book. The fear of losing it caused him to put it in the box with everything else. Lottie sniffed and traced his jaw with one of her long nails. She shook her head, staring at the photograph. “It’s been so long since I saw him. I never thought...” She swallows and Harry can see the tears running down her cheek. He reaches up and swipes them away. “I never thought that I would see his face again. Sometimes, when I close my eyes and try to remember him, or my family...It's like a blur.”_ _

__Harry gave her a photo of Louis with his sisters and watched as Lottie smiled sadly at the photo. “It’s so nice to see their faces. I miss them so much.”_ _

__“Keep it. Keep the ones you have.”_ _

__Lottie looked at Harry and shook her head, “No, Harry. I couldn’t!”_ _

__“You can, and you will. They belong to Louis and I took them. You should have them too. He was your brother.” She pressed the photos to her chest and nodded, “I appreciate it. You didn’t have to do this, you know?” “No, but I wanted to because I know what you’re feeling. I lucked out. My sister is alive and I have her in my life but for so many years, I couldn’t remember her voice or her face. Sometimes all I can picture of my Mum is her hands. Just her hands holding mine.”_ _

__“I don’t understand it though. How did you get to see him again? Like, it was him and my family, alive again? It makes my head hurt to try and understand it.”_ _

__Harry agreed, he stopped trying to figure it all out long ago and had just accepted it for what it was. “I don’t know. Some things just happen.”__ He spent a few hours in his room as they looked over the rest of the photos Harry had, most of the others had been his own he’d taken of Louis. Some of Niall and Louis too. Harry doesn’t know what happened to the rest of Lottie’s family. He just knew who was in Louis’ family from a few chats. The one time he did try to look into them, he couldn’t find a trace of the family existing. Once Louis passed, it was like the entire family never existed. If not for the photographs, Harry would have thought he’d just imagined it all. 

2019.

Harry was sitting at a computer that folded up in his lap. He could carry it around everywhere with him if he wanted. Niall was sitting beside him, laughing. Just laughing at how Harry was really confused. He didn’t want to be modernised. He wanted his phone with the spiral cord connected to the wall in his kitchen. He wanted his snail mail. He wanted less technology. “Niall, this can’t go well at all.” 

Niall laughed again, loudly. “Oh give a try, H. It’s fun. You can see so many videos of cats.”

Harry eyed the laptop, cat videos did sound appealing. He shook his head and closed it, “No. No, take it away.” 

“No, you can keep it. Work at the blood bank is treating us well, I got a raise and can afford it. You will end up having no choice, mate. The world is changing and that means we have to also. I don’t want to see you get left behind.” 

The world continued to change and Harry absolutely despised it. People walked around on their mobile phones and carried tiny laptops everywhere. He was watching his own sister do it just the other day. She excitedly showed him a photo of Lottie with her boyfriend in New York. It confused Harry how he could be seeing a photo, right there. That Lottie had taken in a whole other country just then. For Christmas the year before, Lottie and Gemma had gotten some of Louis’ photos fixed. The years of wear and being carried around so much had torn a few. The gift had been a tear jerker and meant the world to him. 

So much had changed in the world, in Harry’s world. He thought about giving it a try, going out with someone else. But a part of him just couldn’t do it. Everytime it came time to go out with someone he felt like he was making the wrong choice. He wouldn’t go out with them, would cancel and stay home or not even show up. All of it felt wrong, kissing them? Nope, bad idea. Don’t even get him started on the idea of having sex with someone else. It all felt like he was cheating. But on who? Himself? He was single and ready to mingle. Except he really didn’t even want to. But he’d seen everyone around him falling in love and he missed the feeling of being in love. It had been 31 years since Louis passed, that was long enough to move on, Zayn had told him. As kindly as he could. So Harry had given it a shot, multiple shots even. Well, if you can even call them that. He would spend hours talking to someone, and never give into a date, or show up for them if he did give in. He did meet a few people and hang out with them, but was adamant it wasn’t a date. It didn’t take him long to realise that he simply wasn’t feeling it. It had sent him spiraling into isolation.

Which was what brought Niall to his flat today, to shower him with new technology that Harry did not want. Though he did like peeling the protective plastic off the phone and the laptop. “I can get you set up, I can help you with all the basics. I know it’s scary but you gotta come around. You saw the till at the bakeries in recent years. It’s all getting fancier and fancier.” It was and it was awful, he keeps telling his current boss. She’s a wonderful older woman, also a vampire, and she just laughs at Harry and pats him on the back. She’s been around longer than Zayn, having been turned in her early 40s. She told Harry he had to get used to it. Life would change whether he wanted it to or not. She was patient with him though, and so were the customers for the most part. 

Life for vampires was a bit easier, as they were more accepted. They didn’t exactly go around announcing themselves and there were laws in place. If you killed someone you got the same treatment as a human would for murdering someone. There were clubs to go to now that humans and vampires would intermingle. Some humans wanted to be bit, be fed from. Harry never went to those places. He stuck to the old method of eating. Sometimes Zayn or Niall would bring some bags of blood over that they stole from the blood bank. 

Harry sighed, watching as Niall showed him a cat video. He didn’t want to see a cute feline on a small screen. He wanted to hate technology. He laughed and Niall beamed. 

“See! It’s great. You just type anything in and it's right at your fingertips.” 

“Fine. I don’t like it, but I guess I have to catch up.” He could do this, it would be okay. He’d catch up with technology only for it to go do something new on him in a few months. 

_____________

Harry was currently laying on his bed with his face pressed against the side of his cat’s body. The cat meowed and started to purr softly as Harry ran his fingers up and down the cat’s back. “You’re the only one who understands me, Oreo.” “Harry, get up.” Liam said as he walked into Harry’s bedroom.

“Why, Liam? Why can’t I just lay here?” 

“Because I said so. Go for a run with me.” Liam was tugging on Harry’s joggers. 

“Don’t want to. Want to lay here.” Harry was in a mood. He’d been let go from his job after he snapped at a woman who kept changing her mind after taking a bite of food. 

He got tired of being told how it wasn’t the same as if it was his fault that the salted caramel cupcake tastes too salty. Or it was his fault the buttered rum balls taste like she’d just had a few shots. They no longer used imitation rum. The alcohol cooked out of them anyway. He liked the job a lot, and now he didn’t have it. He hated change. 

“Mate, we will find you another job.” Liam said, sitting down beside Harry. 

“Don’t want another one. I want that one.” Cat fur was in his eye. He tried to rub it out before he sat up and groaned.

“Okay well it’s been a week so, suck it up. You’re 191 years old. Let’s stop acting like we’re 13, shall we?” “Wow, Liam. What a fucking pep talk. You really helped me.” Harry stared at Liam before he flipped him off and laid back down. He heard Liam sigh heavily before he stomped out of the bedroom. He just wanted this moment, let him have it. Even if it was a week-long moment. He’d get over it. But for the first time in years, Harry had actually been enjoying everything around him. Life had been going great. He knows it won’t always be amazing and that bad things happen. He also knows that how he felt now would pass too. Because that was life. He’d get over it and put his big boy pants on and find a new job. But for now, after working nine hour days, five days a week, he wanted to be lazy and mope around and he was going to fucking do that. Next week was a new week, he’d be over his slump and move on. Until then it was just him and his cat. 

He frowned as Oreo got up and wandered out of the bedroom, tail swaying behind him. It was just him and his bed.

_________________________

Harry absolutely hated New Year’s. One could only have so many before they lose interest and track. His new thing was how time wasn’t real and it was just a load of shit all together. But Zayn was a good pal and just listened to Harry as he’d rambled on about it all. And yet with all the fussing he did he was still at a packed club with his water bottle of blood to sip over the course of the evening. Amazingly enough, he was actually enjoying himself. He’d found someone to talk to and was laughing a lot. Or maybe he was trying to distract himself. He thought that it might be both. As soon as he entered the club he felt a vibration. He could hear little remnants of Louis’ laughter and it was a lot at first. Until he realised he might be hearing someone else laughing whose voice was similar. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened and Harry was sure that it wouldn’t be the last. 

But he couldn’t shake the feeling, it had started off as a light tingling sensation making its way through his fingertips. As he moved farther into the club it got stronger and it worked its way through his arms and into his chest. It reminded him of when he’d wake up as a kid and had fallen asleep on his arms. The tingling of them waking up after being asleep. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling it, he wasn’t sure what was causing it and when he mentioned it to Zayn, he got a shrug in return. 

“Maybe you’re literally buzzin’” Harry shook his head and turned his attention to a stranger who was staring at him. 

They smiled and so he returned one back and started up a conversation. The upside to being alive for so many years was how easy he found it to start a conversation with almost anyone as long as he knew the language. 

__Louis.__

Louis rolled his head from side to side before he took another sip of his drink. He was exhausted and the music around him was too loud, even for a club, and it was giving him a headache. Anytime one of his friends attempted to talk to him he would just laugh or nod, not having been able to understand a thing they said. He also didn't care to try, he was eager to leave. Louis was exhausted after working all week, he took a double shift the last two days and now his friends had dragged him out to some club for New Year’s Eve. He had been looking forward to being curled up in his bed with some cheetos and his tellie. Bring in the next year alone and in the warmth and comfort of his bed. But no, his friends kept at it until he gave in and agreed to come. He didn’t change from his work clothes, still wearing a suit but he’d undone the tie and a few buttons. The jacket was behind the bar where he was sure he’d forget about it. However, half an hour to midnight and two hours later there was one thing keeping Louis’ interest as he sat in the crowded corner booth with his mates. He was still sipping on his third pint while he watched a guy by the bar laughing. He’s been laughing all night and looked to be in good spirits, which for some reason brought joy to Louis. He was wearing a black cardigan over some flared jeans with vans and a torn pink shirt underneath. Everyone else around them were dressed up as if they were at the ritziest place in town. 

One look around at the walls of the small club would tell you right away you were not anywhere near anything ritzy. Louis even felt over dressed but he knew if he’d gone home to change, he’d have ended up ignoring his mates and their repeated calls as he curled up in bed. And now, looking towards the boy in the cardigan, he realised that would have been a mistake. 

“Do you need another?” A female voice pulled Louis from his thoughts and he looked over at her and then back at his empty glass. 

Louis shook his head before he responded, “I”ve got it, thank you.” He slowly pushed his friend out of the booth so that he could get up. 

He headed to the bar and it wasn’t until he was right beside the boy in the cardigan did he realise he had absolutely no plan at all to go about this. He ordered another drink and sipped at it, refusing to move when a man came to the bar and tried to get between Louis and the boy with the cardigan. Louis needed to know his name, he couldn’t go around calling him cardigan boy forever. He shook his head and quickly drank half of his pint. He wasn’t even in a situation to be thinking of a forever with a total stranger. 

Of course as he looked towards said stranger, he found him staring at Louis. He looked like he’d seen a ghost and Louis wondered if he should worry. Instead he greeted him and started talking. He asked him his name, before he offered his own Louis found himself sharing his life story. It pulled a smile to his lips and that was when Louis discovered he had a dimple and so Louis decided to let the cardigan boy know that he did as if he wouldn’t be aware of his own features. Louis was mentally able to tell himself to shut up but he couldn’t bring his mouth to do it. Eventually he stopped, took a deep breath and smiled. There was something about this person in front of him that just made him want to wrap his arms around him and breath him in. Standing next to him, he felt as if he'd known the dimply cardigan boy his whole life. And Louis had to laugh, it felt like he was in the middle of some rom-com on the tellie at 3 in the morning. 

_ _ Harry. _ _

In all his time on this planet, during the nights that he’d lay awake and watch the stars slowly shift across the night sky, watch as the sun slowly rose from her slumber; all the years that had passed since he was turned, the years that came and went since he last held Louis’ hand and looked into his blue eyes, Harry not once thought that he would be standing face to face with him once more. Harry never thought outside of the occasional fragmented daydream while doing mundane chores, that he would be looking into Louis’ eyes ever again. To stare into them and see them shift with worry as Harry failed to say anything. Harry swallowed as he lowered the bottle of blood in his hand. It’s from a friend who will let him store some while he’s not sober so that Harry can get a bit tipsy later. He’s barely had any of it and now he’s looking into his metal bottle that hides the contents from anyone around him. 

He looked back towards Louis, expecting him to be gone, like a mirage. Only he’s not and he’s wearing a smile. Harry can't stop himself from returning the smile but it doesn't reach his eyes. His gaze shifts to Zayn who has just walked over and he knew right away that Zayn knew who was standing before Harry. Harry could read him like his favourite book ever. Zayn looked to be about as shocked as him as his eyes met Harry’s. Zayn slowly walked towards Harry’s side as if to get a better look. He rounds them, going back to stand behind Louis and blinks a few times at Harry. He looked lost for words and Harry could tell he was trying to figure out what to do. Louis is speaking to Harry but the only thing Harry can hear is the thumping of Louis’ heart. He’s nervous and it’s the sweetest thing ever because all Harry wanted to do was to tell him he has nothing to worry about. He doesn’t even have to try. Whatever he wants he can have. 

Harry’s eyes shifted back towards Zayn as he watched his shoulders fall slightly. He gave a nod and a slight raise of his own metal bottle towards Harry before he turned and walked away. There’s a slight look of defeat on Zayn’s face and Harry knew why without even having to think it over. He was once again going to have Louis for a little while, before he had to set him free like the little sparrow he always was. And Harry wondered then, if maybe that was how this was always going to be. If in different lifetimes, different worlds, he’d find his Louis and have him for a short while until he had to fly away again. The world would circle the sun again and again and eventually a new year would bring Louis back to him. And maybe he’d repeat it over and over until his own life was just someone else’s memory. 

Maybe each time was like a clean slate, a moment to start all over and do the things he’ never got to do before. Maybe this was Harry’s chance to right all his wrongs with Louis.

He stared at him as he spoke, watching the way he could see his accent without even hearing a word he said. And when Louis frowned Harry shook his head and smiled. He really should speak, say something because if he doesn’t, Louis might walk away and Harry isn’t ready for that moment yet. He’s never ready for it, but he wants just one night to sit by his side and to feel the warmth of his body against his. He wants to take him somewhere to sit beneath the night sky and be alone. Just to hear his voice once more. 

Harry leaned forward, his lips near Louis’ ear and he could smell the thick scent of cigarettes and vanilla on him. Harry closed his eyes as he breathed it in, the scent taking him back to moments so long ago. “I am so sorry. I’ve not been ignoring you. I can barely hear you.” 

He reluctantly pulled away and watched as Louis gave a quick nod and raised his half empty pint glass in hand. He downed the rest of his drink and set it on the bar top. Louis moved closer towards Harry before he spoke, “I’ve just gotta go let me mates know I’m headed out. Been looking for an excuse to leave all night.” 

Harry gave a nod in return and opened his bottle and drank it back, he felt the thickness of the blood go down his throat and it almost grossed him out. He pulled the bottle from his lips and used a napkin on the bartop to wipe his mouth. A smear of red left behind as he wadded the paper up. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to see Zayn standing there. 

“I don’t want you to go with him because you’re only going to get hurt. But I love you and I want you to find happiness wherever you can. And if that means letting you walk out of here with him, so be it.” Harry handed his metal water bottle to Zayn and looked towards the crowded corner booth where Louis is laughing. He felt Zayn pull him into a hug, something they didn’t do. Zayn hugged Niall all the time, but maybe that was more because Niall had a habit of forcing himself onto people for hugs. But even after all the years that Harry has known Zayn, as close as they are, he’s hugged him only a handful of times. So he knew that it was Zayn’s way of letting him know that he was there for him. Louis approached them and Zayn simply slipped away as he did, not saying another word while Harry turned his attention back to Louis. 

As they left the club, Harry realised why he felt the vibrations. It had been Louis all along. He felt him the moment he entered the club and he remembered the little times he’d feel a weird sensation and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had been near Louis enough that he was picking him up. 

Louis and Harry walked side by side, fireworks going off all around them. They could hear music in the distance, some people laughing as they danced on the sidewalk. Harry smiled before he looked over at Louis. Two times. Two times in 192 years that he’s been face to face with Louis since he’d passed after the accident. Two times that he’s felt his hand brush across his as they walked side by side. Two moments in his life that he never thought that he would have again. He sighed as he tilted his head back, eyes moving up to the sky as snow began to fall. He felt Louis stop beside him. He looked over at him, finding a smile on his lips.

“What?” Harry asked as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat.

“It’s after midnight. It’s 2020 now.” 

Harry looked up at the sky once more, if you’d told him in 1828 that he would be standing beneath the night sky as the snow fell around him, with Louis smiling beside him, he would have laughed at you. He could remember a time when he couldn’t imagine the earth still existing by the year 2020, too far away to properly imagine. And now he was standing there, 2020 just entering and Louis by his side. He looked at Louis and nodded a little. He knows it isn’t his Louis, because how could it be his Louis from all those years ago? 

“What are you looking at?” Louis asked, he shot a glance towards a passing couple who were laughing loudly. A soft smile on his lips when he saw them and 

Harry smiled too. Only he smiled at seeing Louis smile. 

“You. I’m looking at you because you’re so beautiful.”

Louis looked back towards Harry, the smile a little wider. “What about me is beautiful?” Harry glanced away briefly, he could remember the times that Louis would ask him the same thing and Harry would list all the things he loved. All the ways he found Louis to be beautiful. If Harry closed his eyes, he would almost be able to picture Louis’ old home on the farm. Standing outside his house late at night before he headed home. 

“Everything.” “You don’t even know me.” Louis responded, his voice was soft and quiet and he moved a bit closer to Harry. 

Harry thinks he might know Louis more than he realizes. He reached out and ran a hand over Louis’ jaw, the rough stubble of his beard scratched Harry’s palm. “I want to know you.” Louis hummed as he slowly pushed forward, their lips barely touched as Louis spoke, “I think we can work something out.” Harry closed the small gap between them and kissed Louis. It wasn’t deep or heavy. It was slow and gentle and Harry felt like he was about to float away. The feeling of Louis’ lips on his once more. He didn’t care about anything else in the world or the 82 years that he had without him. He just cared about this, here and now. Everything else was background noise. 

__________________

Harry had successfully avoided everyone before tonight. He wasn’t sure if Zayn had told anyone though he suspected that he may not have, not yet anyway. Because Harry knew Zayn enough to know that he cared about Harry. He would let Harry have his secret for a little while. He hadn’t seen Louis in a week, not since New Year’s. After the kiss they walked a little longer before Louis started to yawn. Harry offered to walk him home and Louis agreed with his hand in Harry’s. He asked Harry to dinner before he entered his place, giving a date and time a week later. Louis had told Harry that he had to go visit family so he’d be away until now and Harry didn’t care. He agreed without thinking about it. 

Now he was standing in Louis’ living area, grateful that Louis had invited him in and was staring down at a half eaten sandwich on a plate. He could hear Louis down the hall, the faint sound of music playing from his bedroom. Harry stared at the wheat bread with white and brown stuff between two slices. Half of it was eaten down to the crust and the other half was torn apart with one bit missing. It looked gross. He heard everything fall quiet before Louis walked down the hall towards him. Harry smiled as Louis walked towards him. His hair was slicked back with a few strands refusing to stay. He had on a nice pair of trousers and a black jumper. It was slightly oversized but it fit him. He smiled as he passed him and went to his shoes by the front door. Harry turned around as Louis sat on the sofa beside him and started to put his shoes on. He glanced at the sandwich once more, curiosity was getting the best of him. “What is that?” He pointed at the food. 

Louis tied his shoe before he pulled the other one on, “Oh, I forgot to put it away, it’s my lunch. I fell asleep after.” “But what is it?” 

Louis stood up and grabbed the plate, he lifted a half torn piece and held it in front of Harry, “Cream cheese and peanut butter.” Harry pushed Louis’ hand away with a frown. He drinks blood, he was very aware that having an opinion on what food someone enjoyed might not be something he should be doing. However he couldn’t help himself when the words slipped from his mouth, “Oh, that’s gross.” 

Louis simply laughed as he took the plate into the kitchen before he came back into the living area, “That's what I said when I first heard about it. But it’s not so bad.” 

Harry shook his head, “Those things don’t usually go together.” 

“True. But they do and you should try it sometime.” Harry walked over to the front door as Louis opened it, “I think I might have to pass.” Harry stepped outside as he heard Louis laughing while he closed his front door. He took a deep breath, smelling the night air around them. He looked up at the sky and let his eyes wander across the stars he could see above. It wasn’t that many and he’d seen so many more so many years ago. That was one thing he hated about the changing world he lived in. The world kept building and building and the light of the stars grew dimmer with every passing year. He could remember a time when he’d look up at the thousands of stars and see the Milky way. He missed those times when it all felt simpler, those years that were decades ago. Louis nudged Harry’s arm lighty and Harry looked towards him. 

“Sorry I got distracted, the night sky is just so beautiful.” 

Louis took a few steps ahead of Harry before he turned around and began to walk backwards, “Glad to know my competition is balls of gas that are over a billion years old.”

Harry walked towards Louis as Louis turned around and kept walking. Once he was caught up to him Louis nudged him once more, “I hope you don’t mind if we walk.” Harry didn’t mind. He also didn’t respond, instead walked in time with Louis with his head down. He couldn’t describe how it felt to be walking beside him once more. To be going on a date with him and knowing he’d walk him back home. It was something he’d dreamt of many times before and now he was once again doing it. Though he realised that this would be the first time they ever actually went on a date. The times before were always quiet stolen moments or the late hours of the night when he’d sneak out to go see Louis. He swallowed and shoved the thoughts aside. He was going to live in this moment and let himself have it. He felt he deserved one night, one real date with Louis. 

They ended up at a small diner with a corner booth meant for many more than the two who took it. Harry didn’t mind and as Louis slid in beside him, he surely didn’t mind as their thighs touched while Louis looked over the menu. Harry eyed his some, looking for the lightest thing to eat. He didn’t need human food to live and survive. Eating it was a way to fit in amongst the humans. If he went long periods without eating and then ate he’d end up sick and weak for a few days. Also because he was unsure of how long this date would be, he fed before he left and he was still content on that. He felt Louis nudge his thigh and he looked over at him. “Do you see anything you like?” He asked as he closed his own menu and pushed it away. 

Harry looked back at his menu, “I’m really bad about deciding on foods to eat.” Louis reached for his water and nodded as he took a sip of it, “If you’re not hungry, I promise that not ordering is fine also. I didn’t tell you where we would be going. I should have and I’m sorry.”

Harry spotted something small and light and closed his menu. “No, no, this is fine, I promise. Besides, I wasn’t sure what to expect anyway. This is the first time I’ve ever been on a real date.” 

The waitress came up at that moment to take their orders and Harry found himself hoping that Louis wouldn’t go back to what he’d just said. It was weird to be telling Louis these things. Considering it was Louis he’d fallen in love with, Louis who he first ever kissed, first ever made love with. It was always Louis, life after life it was always him and he knows deep down, even if Louis’ life ends and his time comes to an end, even if Harry never sees another form of him again in his time on earth, that it was always going to be him and Louis, even if it was always a memory he carried with him. 

Harry smiled as the waitress took his order and he reached for the water and took a drink. The cold caused him to shiver as he swallowed it down and could feel it flow into his stomach. He sat the glass back on a napkin and cleared his throat. He could feel Louis looking at him before he even turned his attention towards him.

“Go on.” Harry said as he looked at him.

“What?” “You want to ask me something, go on.” 

Louis leaned back in the booth and tugged one of his sleeves of his jumper down over his hand, “I was just curious about what you said before she came over. About never having been on a date before. I mean, you don’t have to say anything. I would understand if you didn’t want to talk about it.” “Well, I’m not too sure what I would tell you.”

“Have you ever had a partner? Girlfriend, boyfriend?”

Harry nodded a little before he shrugged, “I…. he and I, we never defined ourselves but. There was someone who.” He bit the inside of his cheek and glanced away. It was never easy to talk about Louis. It was never going to be easy, and now sitting here beside Louis, it felt harder. Because he couldn’t be direct, he had to pick his words carefully. “We never talked about it. It was kind of something that just happened.”

“You loved them.” Harry looked over at Louis and nodded, “This isn’t something that one discusses on a date with someone.” 

“It doesn’t bother me any, Harry. I can tell how much this person means to you.”

“But we are on a date together, now.” 

Louis put his hand on Harry’s thigh and ran his fingers up and down the top of it, “You’re never going to get over your first love. That person will always be with you. You carry them inside of you and you sometimes get a chance to find another love. I’m not threatened by the fact that you still love someone, because the sadness in your eyes is enough to tell me they aren’t someone you have around any more.”

Harry nodded slightly and ran his hand over the top of Louis’, “He passed away.” It’s not a lie because Louis had passed away. But Harry wasn’t going to tell Louis anything else. It was weird for him and he wanted to change the subject.

“Anytime you want to talk about them, don’t be afraid to. I feel like I was lucky enough to fall in love once. Maybe it was in a past life, if you believe in those, who knows. I do though.” Harry looked over at Louis, a crease between his eyebrows as Louis spoke, “I feel like I was able to find my person who was my soulmate and my world. Because I always felt like I was missing something in my life. Like someone used to be with me and they no longer are. I’ve dated people and I’ve been in a couple of long term relationships. But none of them ever felt like the one. I always felt like...I had that and I lost that.”

“So why do you date?” 

Louis shrugged one shoulder and looked at Harry, “I figure it’s a great way to pass the time in my life and, maybe someday I will meet them again.” 

Harry isn’t sure what caused him to move, what gave him the courage to lean in and place a soft kiss to Louis’ lips. It was not something he had even thought of doing until now. And Louis’ hand on his cheek, his lips against his own. It was the perfect feeling and the perfect moment. 

___________________ _

At the end of the night, Harry walked Louis back to his place. They’d walked quietly with their hands together as Harry kept his eyes on the stars and Louis kept his on Harry. They’d sneak glances at each other while the other looked away. They kissed on Louis’ front steps before he went inside. They made a promise to do it again soon and Harry smiled on his way home. He felt warm and content as he entered his overcrowded home. His sister and Lottie sat on the sofa, doing each other’s toenails. Zayn and Liam on the floor in front of them while they watched a movie. He smiled and walked into the kitchen to get a bag of blood from the fridge and opened it. He didn’t bother putting it in a glass as he walked into the living area. Lottie was the first one to speak to him, her hair up in a messy bun and her wide eyes looking directly at him. He could tell she was trying to figure something out. 

He walked over to the back of the sofa and leaned down, giving her and Gemma a kiss on the top of their heads.

“You were with a human, I smell them on you.” Lottie said as she handed Gemma yellow nail polish.

Harry shrugged, “I’m around humans all the time.” “But normally you don’t come walking in and smelling one. Which means you got a bit close to them.” 

Harry stood up with the bag in his hands, he swiped blood off the corner of his lips and sucked it off his thumb, “I’m going to bed.” He tossed a wave over his shoulder as he headed down the hall to his room, he nudged his door open and walked in. He left it open and sat on his bed to finish the bag of blood he had in his hands before he tossed it into the small rubbish bin by his bed. He watched as Zayn walked in and quietly closed his bedroom door. 

Zayn walked over and sat down beside Harry, “So how did it go?” 

“I missed him, I always knew I missed him. But seeing him... it fucks with my head, you know? Like, somewhere is a body buried under the layers of earth. And yet here he is, walking on the same earth.” 

“I’ve been looking into this for some time now, as you know. Some were really hesitant at first to talk about it but, I found some who are like us that have experienced the same thing you are going through now. Who, like you found their mates once again. It’s rare, everyone believes it means you're true soul mates. Not like the movie version we see these days. Real ones, whose souls are attached. The ending isn’t always a happy one and time does run out on their souls. It’s believed that we are here for a reason and once we fulfill whatever that reason is, we don’t come back.” 

Harry looked over at Zayn before he looked at his hands, “I don’t want to talk about this. It scares me.” 

“I know, love. But you need to know that you don’t know how this works. You have been given more chances than most. You’re so lucky but you may lose him once more and it could be for good this time. Or you could go 20 years and find him again. You need to seriously decide if turning is an option or not. I know that in the past it was different but this time, Harry it’s different these days. We aren’t a big secret as much. People know we exist.” 

Harry nodded, “I don’t want anyone to know, not yet. I just need some time with him.” “It’s weird though, most who have been in your place said their mates had slight differences in their appearances. Enough that if an old photo of them ever existed, it looked like an ancestor. Louis looks just as he had the first time I ever saw him.” 

Harry nodded, “The only thing is he’s got three freckles on his cheek now.” “What?” Zayn asked as he looked towards Harry.

“I was noticing it at dinner. He had one when we first met. I remember one night on his farm in the 30s. He was asleep and the oil lamp was on as I was reading. I had noticed he had two. And now, tonight when I kissed him goodnight and pulled away. I saw a third.” 

“You have three you know?” 

Harry looked at Zayn with a slight tilt to his head, “Do I? I never noticed.” 

Zayn nodded and swiped his thumb over the three small freckles on Harry’s face, “Right beneath your eye, here. Maybe that’s your soul mark that connects the two of you together.”

Harry smiled a little, “Him having three now, and me having three all along. Doesn’t help me feel better. It only adds to the fear inside.” Zayn laid his head on Harry’s shoulder and took his hand in his, “You don’t think about that right now. Give yourself some time with him, at least a little bit. Make the most of it and then decide what needs to happen. But you need to know, I don’t think you have another chance.” 

Harry didn’t respond, he let Zayn hold his hand as they sat together in his room. He let it fall quiet around them while they heard Lottie and Gemma laughing in the living area. He didn’t want to think about the things he and Zayn talked about, he didn’t want to go through those thoughts and unpack them, sort them away to where they needed to be in his mind. He just wanted to be beside Zayn and not think at all. 

_____________________

Harry decided that he was going to give himself some time with Louis. He had debated on just telling him the truth now. It might be a smart move and could potentially save them both from hurting later. Harry knew that would be the best thing to do. He just couldn’t find it in himself to do it, not yet at least. With the way the past forms of Louis have reacted to vampires, he wasn’t expecting it to be any different this time around. Even if vampires were more known, and over all had a bit more acceptance. It just wasn’t something you went around letting everyone know either. Many humans still viewed them as awful creatures who wanted to destroy the human race. Harry just wanted a little time with Louis, and this time he would admit what he was. And he knew that by waiting it could cause so many things to happen. He knew that Louis could be accepting but be upset that Harry was not honest with him from the start. Which could cause issues between them. He also knew Louis could hate that he is a vampire and be even more angry because Harry didn’t tell him sooner. He also knew that in the end, it could work out. He just didn’t have it in him to find out, not yet at least. He wanted a little more time with Louis. He just wanted some more time with him to make up for the time he lost. Even if it was just a week. Harry hadn’t seen Louis in three days or even contacted him and it was on Harry to contact Louis as he hadn’t given Louis any way to find him. He felt bad but he needed to decide what he wanted to do. Which after sitting at a library one evening with Zayn he’d come to a conclusion. 

“I’m going to court Louis.” 

Zayn slowly raised his head from the book in front of him with an eyebrow raised, “You’re going to __court__ Louis?” 

Harry shrugged slightly, “Yeah.” Zayn took a slip of paper and stuck it in the spot he was reading and closed the book. He clasped his hands together on top of the book and leaned forward, “Why are we going to court Louis?” 

“Because.” Harry sighed, “I’ve never had a chance to do this right. I want that chance.”

Zayn narrowed his eyes and nodded slightly, “Why court him though? It’s 2020, Harry. I don’t think that's a normal thing anymore.” 

“I don’t know anything else. I lived in a time where families would promise children in exchange for animals and we had to get permission for everything. I don’t know anything modern.”

“This is going to be interesting.” Zayn said as he opened his book back up.

“I have no idea where to start.” Harry mumbled, a thought more to himself than anything else.

“Well, how did you two go about it the first time?”

Harry tugged at his bottom lip slightly, “We didn’t. It just kind of happened.” He looked at Zayn who’d closed his book once more.

“You’ve never talked about it to me. Why?”

Harry smiled weakly, “That night was the night I fell in love with him.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Zayn asked as he pushed his book aside.

Harry swallowed as he put his hands on the table and looked down at them, “I’ll never forget that day. If I had to have all but one memory erased forever from my mind… That day would be the one memory I’d want to keep. I never want to let it go.” Harry took a deep breath as he closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face, it was always so hard to think about that day. Let alone talk about it. The only thing he’s ever said about that day, was that he’d spent the night with Louis. No one knows anything about the hour leading up to it.

“When I woke up that day, it felt different. Everything around me had this feeling that… I can’t even explain. I just knew deep down something was going to happen. To this day, I don’t know if that something was me being turned, or me laying with Louis.” Harry looked towards some books as a librarian placed them back in their place. He lightly scratched at his hand, “I had to help him clean the horse stables out and all day I’d caught him looking at me. With this look, like looking back. I know what it was. But at the time I was just unsure what it meant. Now though, I wonder how many times he’d looked at me that way and I never noticed it.”

Harry looked at Zayn who was staring intently at him. He gave a reassuring smile. Harry licked his lips and looked down, it was easier to talk if he wasn’t looking at someone. 

“I spent the entire day with him, side by side doing the work and it was something we had done many times before and if nothing had changed, likely had done many times after. But I just felt this electricity around him. I don’t even know if that makes since and it sounds so crazy saying it now.” Harry let out a soft laugh and shook his head, “I just know that I wanted our arms to touch, I wanted my body to feel the warmth of his under the heat of the sun. I just felt this pull to him and I would look over and see him looking at me. He never looked away when I caught him staring, he’d simply smile this smile that, I would do anything to be on the end of that smile once more.” He felt stupid talking, he felt a slight embarassment because it was one thing to think about these moments and another thing to tell someone about them. It was hard for him to try and get the memories into words but the way Zayn simply nodded slightly was reassuring and he ran his finger across a carved x on the top of the table he was sitting at. “We decided that evening to go down to the river and rinse off. That was nothing new for us, seeing each other nude wasn’t weird. We’d spent many summer nights having a swim together. But I was nervous. He wasn’t. He seemed bolder as he stripped and walked into the water, he had to coax me in, even turning away as I stripped from my clothes. But once I got in he swam beneath the surface and came up in front of me.” Harry took a deep breath and looked at Zayn. He rolled his eyes at himself, at his own emotions trying to surface.

“I saw so much in his eyes when he looked at me. He gripped my hips beneath the water and pulled me towards him. I remember how I held my breath as he leaned in and his lips touched mine. “

Looking back on the moment that he first kissed Louis, and telling Zayn about it felt heavy. He had to swallow back the emotions because it was something that he would think about late at night when he was alone. 

He’d allow himself to let his mind wander to that night, all those years ago. Allow himself to remember how it felt when Louis pressed light kisses across his skin, the way his hands roamed over his chest and towards his abdomen. How Louis kissed his hips before he moved to Harry’s thighs. At the time, Harry had felt like he was in a hazy dream. Had felt like any moment he would wake up to the rooster crowing like he did so many times before. Only as Louis had touched him in ways he never thought he’d feel, as he’d breathed heavier and felt Louis’ lips against his own, kiss after kiss. Harry realised he wasn’t ever going to wake up from this dream and he was alright with that. He’d been content to stay in those moments with Louis, content to feel him pull the pleasure from his body as his hand moved. Content to feel the burn as Louis pushed in and the pleasure that eventually followed. Harry would be fine, reliving this moment over and over again. 

And he does, every now and again. He lets his mind wander, lets his heart break a little as he remembers how gentle Louis was with him. He never wanted to leave that room that morning. He never wanted to let go of Louis. 

He looked at Zayn with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He knows if he blinks they’ll fall so he looks down as he closes his eyes. Feeling the tears slip over the edge. 

“I knew long ago, maybe a few years before that night. That if I could never lay with a man, never wed a man. I would never lay with anyone. I knew I liked Louis, I knew he meant the world to me. But until he kissed me softly in the river, until his hands held onto mine as he slid beneath the surface of the water. I never knew I loved him. I look back on it and I can count every kiss, one by one. If I close my eyes and I focus, I swear I can feel his touch. If I shut all the noise around me late at night when the world is asleep. I can still hear the sound of the crickets singing while he laid beside me and feel the ghost of his breath on my chest. And sometimes, I let myself wander back to that day and I remember every little detail, as if I am reliving it over and over again.” 

Zayn remained quiet as he watched Harry wipe his tears with the sleeve of his jumper. Harry wants to laugh so he does, it's quiet and more air than noise. He sniffs some. “When I look back on my life with Louis, I can see the moments that I didn’t see before. I don’t know if it's because I want to see them now that I don’t have them. Or if they were always there and I had just chosen to ignore them.”

Zayn cleared his throat, “Was there a moment where you thought would be the last time you ever saw him?” Harry looked at Zayn, “Yeah.” “I had it too. My last night before I turned, I remember it all so vividly, like you I can almost feel it all again, if I let myself wander back to it.”

“That morning, I laid beside him and the sun was just starting to rise. I remember kissing along his back and shoulder. I remember how I would linger against his skin with my hand at the small of his back, I wanted to feel the warmth of his body on my lips, on my hands. Against my skin. I wanted to etch every little bit of it to my mind and I thought it was because I was in love. The path I took to go home was one I didn’t normally take. It was like fate decided it had other plans for me. Sometimes though, I wish I had stayed in his bed. Stayed with him and never left. Maybe it would have worked out differently.”

“Things tend to happen, when they are supposed to. For some reason, the two of you were not supposed to be, not yet.” 

“Do you think we'll ever be more than what has been?” Harry wants him to lie to him. He wants Zayn to say yes and it all be true. 

“I think that sometimes, soul mates don’t get their happy ending. But I genuinely mean it when I say, I really hope the two of you get yours. When you two said goodbye in the 30s, I saw the way he looked at you. I saw the way he loved you. I think every form of him will always love you.” 

Harry hope so. Because he wasn’t sure what he would do if this time, it didn’t work out. He didn’t even know if he could handle losing Louis again, the thought alone scared him. He didn’t want to face another lifetime without Louis by his side. 

Zayn reached across the table and took Harry’s hand in his, “Stop fretting, little one. You court your boy. You enjoy those moments and you sketch them all to memory. Whatever happens, however it’s supposed to happen, fate has already decided. You’re just along for the ride. So you court him, and you enjoy it.” 

“I don’t like that. I don’t like not knowing how this story ends.” Zayn squeezed Harry’s hand before he ran his thumb across the top of it, “None of us know how our stories end.”


	4. Chapter Four

_Louis._

It took a week before Louis heard from Harry after they’d had their date. He’d started to get worried that he’d messed it all up and wasn’t going to hear from him again, when he got a delivery in the form of flowers. Five orange lilies wrapped in parchment paper.

A small note attached that read, “ _Orange flowers are meant to be a sign of joy, warmth, and happiness. I hope we can do it again sometime soon. Harry xx”_

There was a number attached to the bottom, almost like an afterthought. Louis pulled his phone out and sent a text, assuming it was Harry. He let him know he’d got the flowers and that he loved them. He also told him he would like to see him again and to get back to him. He read it over a few times before he sent it, setting his phone on the counter before he looked for something to put the flowers in. He found a tall glass pitcher and placed them in it with care. 

Louis had never been on this end of flowers before, on many occasions in his past, he’s given them to people and he took great care in selecting the right ones for that person. To be on the receiving end and know that Harry may have taken his time choosing the perfect flower. It filled his chest with warmth.

____________________

It was two weeks before Louis and Harry went on their second date. Between their jobs and Louis moving, he just didn’t have time to do it before now. And now he was walking towards the open park and from where he was he could see Harry dragging his feet on the swings as he slowly swayed, his head up at the sky. It was cloudy and barely any stars were out but the few that would peak through looked bright tonight. Louis knew because as he walked he’d look up at the same sky. He walked up behind Harry and ran a hand over his shoulder, Harry tilted his head up and smiled at Louis. 

“What plans did you have this evening?” Louis asked as he slid a hand down the middle of Harry’s back and gave a slight push. 

Harry lifted his feet off the ground slightly as he moved forward, “I thought we could just hang out? We spend our days going somewhere, all the time it seems. I thought, “What if we didn’t go anywhere?”

Louis laughed a little, but smiled at the idea. Harry was right, they did spend their weekdays going and going. It would be nice to just not go anywhere. Louis put both his hands against Harry’s back and gave a good push. Louis pushed Harry on the swings for a little bit, they chatted back and forth about what they had been up to, how their new year was going. It was casual and felt familiar. Being in a park at night with Harry as they talked lightly about their week. As if this was how they caught up at the end of the week, spent some time together as a couple. Louis licked his lips and was glad Harry’s back was to him as he smiled. Harry jumped off the swings suddenly, Louis watching as he did before he walked over to him and held a gloved hand out towards Louis, “Would you like to go for a walk with me?” Louis nodded and took Harry’s hand in his, enjoying the warmth of the gloves against his cold skin. They walked over to a paved trail that circled a lake that looked black at night. No words really fell from either of their lips and the both of them felt comfortable in the moment, walking side by side with their hands clasped as they both looked at the sky above them. It all felt so familiar to Louis, a feeling of dejavu sweeping in every time he saw the moon peeking through the clouds. 

They wandered around the park and over to the playset, taking turns going down the slides and seeing who could do the monkey bars the fastest. It was innocent and Louis felt carefree as he watched Harry fumble as he tried to run up the slide. He laughed as he pushed Harry down the slide before he was ready to go and he laughed when Harry chased him through the park and grabbed a hold of Louis at the swings. He turned around in Harry’s hold on him and looked at him, his smile and laughter falling as he suddenly felt the air around them get heavier. Harry reached out and brushed his fringe from his face and he took a deep breath. He wanted so badly to feel Harry’s cold lips against his but he didn’t want to move first, he didn’t like making the first move because he was always the one in his relationships to do so. He wanted someone else to make the first move for once, he wanted to be chased. Harry dropped his arms from Louis’ waist and smiled at him. 

“Do you know my intentions with you?” He asked as he tugged his gloves off.

Louis shook his head, “No.” 

Harry leaned in and kissed Louis softly, gently. His lips felt cold and chapped against Louis’ and Louis sighed and closed his eyes.It was such an innocent kiss, a simple kiss. But it felt like so much more as Harry ran his cold fingers across Louis’ jaw. He’d shaved recently and had light stubble already growing in. Harry pulled away and kissed Louis’ forehead. “I want to court you.” 

Louis blinked a few times before he nodded, “That sounds old fashioned.”

Harry nodded, “It is, but it is all I know. Will you allow me to court you, Louis?”

Louis nodded and reached up, pushing some of Harry’s hair from his eyes. The wind was picking up around them and Louis shivered, “Yes, you can.”

Harry gave Louis one more kiss, a soft lingering press of his lips before he handed Louis his gloves, “Take these, you could use them more than me.” 

Louis didn’t even try to argue as he took the wool gloves and tugged them on to his hands. They spent a few more minutes just talking before Louis yawned and Harry sent him on his way with a ride back to his new place. It had felt like such a short time with Harry until Louis looked at his phone. It had been two hours. The next day when Louis got home from work there were flowers on his doorstep for him, green orchids. The note attached simply said, youth fullness. Louis smiled and found a place to put the orchid and it’s yellow planter. 

________________

Being courted by Harry had been interesting. They spent weeks without talking, but then would spend a few hours of the night in a comfortable silence, side by side. Sometimes it’s the two of them tucked away in a corner booth at an all night diner. Other times it’s walking down the streets with Louis’ hand tucked into Harry’s elbow. Sometimes they meet at sunset and sit, watching the ducks as the sun slowly fades away for the night and Harry talks about his sister or his friends. They exchange stories and Louis noticed early on that the ones about Harry lack details. He doesn’t push for the unsaid information that Harry keeps to himself, instead just asks for something else. He notices that certain things are always past tense, that his sister is the only present tense family and it makes Louis’ heart ache. He wants to ask for more information but doesn't feel he has the right to press for those details.

They go on short dates with dinners that Harry barely eats, typically going for a soup or small side salad. There are long dates as well, one Tuesday evening spent wandering around a museum. Harry critiquing everything in sight. He scoffs at some art that was dated from the 1920s as if he knew the guy and Louis laughs, he watches as Harry walks around the gallery with his hands behind his back and his long wool coat moving with him. The same wool coat that would be handed to Louis later that evening when the wind picks up and the chill brushes across his skin. They go on walks at the park hours before midnight while Harry complains about his friend and roommate, while Louis complains about his job, a beanie tucking Harry’s hair away ends up on Louis’ head before the night is over. “Because the wind will give you a chill. The cold doesn’t bother me.” Harry spoke as he brushed his fingers over Louis’ jaw. 

Over a month later and Louis has slowly gathered dried flowers and little notes, little bits of Harry’s clothing tucked away in his closet. Sometimes Louis reads the notes, all flower meanings. Yellow Sunflowers for good health, the weekend Louis had started to sneeze on their dinner date. Blue Irises for openness, the date he and Harry talked about things that no one knew about them. Indigo daisies for sincerity, the night Harry looked at Louis for a while. Smiling and telling him he really was enjoying his time with him. Pink roses for innocence after another date to the playground where Louis fell from the top of the monkey bars and skinned his palm. Harry pressed soft kisses to the angry skin. White lilies for honesty after the date that Harry admitted he felt strong feelings for Louis, that he missed him when they were apart. 

Louis had noticed that red was missing, red was never given and he’d thought it would have by now. He wondered what it would take to get a red flower from Harry. Louis sent a text to Harry, asking if he'd like to see his new place. Louis was aware that Harry had been courting him, that courting carried rules of sorts. He hadn’t expected Harry to respond with a yes. 

_________________

_** Harry. ** _

Harry stared at the numbers in the lift as they lit up one by one. A hum echoed in the small space as he looked down at the flowers in his hand. A dozen red roses wrapped in black tissue paper and a white ribbon. He normally never is the one to bring the flowers, instead having them sent to Louis’ place. He’d had to dig to find Louis’ new address, but found it easy enough. There are only so many Louis Tomlinson’s around and Louis had told Harry roughly where he moved to. Louis never commented on Harry knowing his address. 

He took a deep breath as he stepped off the lift and looked down the long hall. Harry looked at the numbers along each door as he walked towards Louis’. He stopped in front of a black door. He looked at the numbers on his hand and back at the silver ones on the door before he pressed the buzzer. He looked down at his clothes before he ran a hand over his white ringer tee and orange corduroy flares. His white vans pushed against the welcome mat outside of Louis’ door as he heard the lock click on the other side. The door opened and Louis smiled as his eyes scanned down Harry’s body. He held the flowers out towards Louis and smiled as Louis took them and brought them to his nose. 

Louis smiled as he stepped aside and walked away from the door with the flowers, “I really love these, they’re so beautiful Harry.” 

Harry watched as Louis tugged at the ribbon around the flowers, “I am glad you like them.” 

He started to feel nervous while he stood at Louis’ doorway. He needed Louis to formally invite him in and it was making him nervous. He didn’t need Louis to find out he was a vampire. Not yet, not tonight. He wanted a little more time with him before he lost him once more.

There were stories as old as Harry about vampires and many of them were laced in myths, though some carried a little truth to them. Harry had a soul, he was once human after all and his soul stayed with him and he could see his reflection in a mirror. He could eat and be in the sun but too much of either would weaken him and cause him to be ill. He couldn’t enter a human’s home if he was not formally invited to enter, it was normally not something he worried about. But it had been something he hadn’t thought about tonight. Now looking back he wished he had thought this over because when Louis told him that he should drop by, that wasn’t formal enough for him to be able to enter. 

Harry licked his lips as he looked over his shoulder. His smile slowly faded as he turned around and walked towards the open door. “What are you doing?” 

Harry offered a smile, an airy laugh slipping from his lips, “Just don’t want to be impolite.” 

Louis’ eyes narrowed as he tilted his head slightly and crossed his arms. He remained quiet as he looked at Harry over once again. This time though it was obvious that Louis was inspecting him.

“Well, Harry. There really is no need for that. You know me.” Louis took a few steps back as he spoke, his tone was no longer warm and welcoming to Harry. 

Harry knew. He knew that Louis had figured it out and dread slowly began to creep through his veins. “I’m sorry, but it’s how I was raised. Old habits, you know?”

Louis hummed a little as he put a hand on the back of the door, “Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Harry knew what, but he wanted to hear Louis say it. He needed to hear the words from his lips.

“I’m not ready for any of this.” Louis blinked a few times as he glanced away. He cleared his throat and looked back at Harry, “I despise them, did you know that?”

“I had an idea.” 

Louis took a deep breath and pushed the door slightly, half his body hid behind it, “You kept it from me. I’m not sure what hurts me the most, that you didn’t tell me at all. Or that you are..” He shook his head and laughed lightly, “A vampire.”

Harry looked down the hall as the lift opened and a couple walked off with their hands together. They walked towards Louis and Harry in a fit of giggles with their bodies close. Harry watched them enter a flat three doors down and he looked back at Louis. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Goodbye, Harry. Thank you for the courting. It's been really nice, honestly. But you need to leave and please, don’t contact me ever again.” Louis closed the door and Harry heard the lock click into place. 

Harry swallowed and glanced towards the lifts, watching as a woman got off and walked towards him, a smirk pulling at her lips as she brushed her arm against Harry’s. She looked over her shoulder as she stood outside her door to open it. Harry turned away and walked towards the lift, getting on just before the doors shut. For the first time in his life, he had no idea how to even begin describing how he felt. He bit into his bottom lip and closed his eyes tightly as the lift slowly made its way to the bottom floor. 

_ Louis. _

Louis stood behind the closed front door. He took a deep breath and turned around, pressing his back to the door as he slid to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and sighed as he crossed his arms over his knees and looked down at the floor. He felt like he'd been kicked in the chest. He ran his hands through his hair, hitting the back of his head against the door as he closed his eyes. He cursed under his breath before he moved to his feet and walked over to the flowers. He picked one up and brought it to his nose, taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes. The soft silk of the petals brushed across his lips before he dropped it onto the counter. Louis’ eyes fell on the note and he picked it up. 

_“Love, romance, desire. Everything that I have for you, or hope to have someday in the future, with you. Each rose is a moment I spent with you. A moment that I held your hand, brushed your cheek. A moment I heard you laugh or listened to you speak.”_

Louis laughed at the note, all of it written in Harry’s writing. All of it was written on stationary with his name. Smeared ink at the corner of the page. Louis swallows hard as he sets the note down and looks at the flowers. It’s only then that he sees them. Smaller, shorter flowers. All the colours and types he’d given Louis before. And Louis can feel his heart break a little more. He’s conflicted as he walks towards the sliding glass door of his flat, it’s partially open and he can hear the sounds of the night filtering in. A cool breeze from the late night air blows across his skin. Part of him wants to call Harry, ask him to come back. Part of him wanted to burn the flowers, burn the notes and all his clothes. 

Louis shook his head and cursed himself as he walked over to the sofa and picked his phone up off the middle cushion where he’d left it. He opened his last text with Harry and his thumbs slid across the screen. 

“ _Come back_.” He types, swallowing as he pressed send. He isn’t sure if he is making a mistake. He isn’t sure if he would be making a mistake by letting Harry go. All he knows is that Harry is simply, Harry. Someone who had made Louis so happy lately, someone who had brought so much joy and love into his life. He’s made Louis feel wanted, needed. And as selfish as it may be, he doesn’t want it to end. But he needs answers to questions he wished he’d never had to ask. He sits on his sofa and waits, because Harry hasn’t responded and Louis isn’t sure if he’ll return or not. 

______________

It took Harry nearly two hours to show up at Louis’ door. Louis heard the knock as he was sitting in the dark of his living area. He heard it once more and pushed off the sofa with a sigh. He didn’t expect him to come back. He’d shut off the lights to go to bed and instead found himself sitting on his sofa in the dark with nothing but his thoughts. Louis took a deep breath as he opened the door, coming face to face with Harry. It’s weird to him now, to know that Harry is a vampire. To know that he was about to invite a vampire into his home. Harry didn’t say a word to him. He watched Louis with a stare that he couldn’t read. His face lacked emotion while his eyes followed his movement. 

Louis took a few steps back from the door, his body hiding behind it slightly as he cleared his throat, “Would you like to come in?” 

Harry nodded before he took the step, Louis’ eyes on his feet as he stepped into his home. Only one other vampire has ever come into his home. Harry stepped away from the door, keeping distance between him and Louis as Louis closed the front door and locked it. He motioned for Harry to take a seat before he walked towards the sofa, rounded it and took a seat. Harry was still standing, his eyes still on Louis. 

“Don’t tell me I have to invite you to sit, too.” Louis was trying to lighten the mood. He knew he failed when Harry didn’t even blink. 

“Why did you ask me to come back?” 

“We needed to talk. I figured I at least owed you that.” Harry’s shoulders slumped slightly, “You don’t owe me anything, Louis. You never have.” 

“I just, I have questions.” Louis watched as Harry finally came and sat on the sofa, “What are they?” he asked.

Louis looked down at his hands before he looked back at Harry. He thought he could do this, ask what he wanted to know, let Harry have his say and be done with it. “Why did you not tell me the first day we met?” 

Harry glanced away, breaking the eye contact before he cleared his throat, “You don’t like my kind, Louis. I can feel it on you.” “So why stay with me? Why court me, send me flowers?” 

Harry still wasn’t looking at Louis and it bothered him, he was always told if people couldn’t hold eye contact with you while they were speaking, they must be lying. Louis doesn’t feel like that carries any truth right now. 

He tilted his head slightly, “Look at me, Harry.” He tried with a softer tone, hoping to get him to look at him. 

After a moment Harry turned his attention back to Louis and shrugged, “Because, everything I said to you was true. Everything I feel, it’s all true.” 

“I tried to date a vampire once. He kept trying to get me to turn and would get angry when I wouldn’t let him touch me anymore because I didn’t trust him. He ended up turning my best friend. My bestfriend who will now out-live his family, his wife. I watched his world get fucked in just days. He went from having everything he dreamt of, to nothing. All because of a vampire.” 

“We aren’t all like that. I would never, I could never. I didn’t ask for this.” Harry wasn’t looking at Louis now, he was looking down at his hands and Louis could still see part of his face. He could hear it in Harry’s voice though, how much it hurts him.

“When did you get turned?” Louis slid over slightly, acting as if he was trying to get more comfortable. Harry still wasn’t looking at him though so Louis wasn’t sure he noticed. 

“1828.” Harry’s voice was quiet as he kept his head down.

“Can you tell me about it?” 

Harry raised his head and his eyes scanned over Louis’ face before he gave him a nod, “It happened after that one night. And I lost him the day I saw him for the last time. The day he died, I approached him, and his horse and.” Harry bit his bottom lip as he swallowed.

Louis shook his head some as he moved closer to Harry and reached for his hand, “Love, you have spent 192 years with this. How do you do it?”

Harry smiled a little as he looked down at Louis’ hand on his. He shrugged slightly, “Because I know that in the end, I’ll find him again some day.” 

Louis wanted to ask more questions but he could tell that Harry was emotionally upset. He could see the hurt on his face and he felt bad for asking. And so much of Louis cared for Harry that he really wanted to look past the vampire thing. Give Harry a chance. He thought it over between his text to him and now. He thought about it all in every way he could. Convincing himself that if Harry had wanted to turn him he could have many times before. And yet, he never even touched his pulse points, never brushed his nose to them either. His hands stayed in respectable places. But looking back, there had been little clues here and there. 

“Louis, I need you to know that.” He turned his hand over so he could hold Louis’, “Even if something happened to you and the only way to save you would be to turn you. Unless you ask me, I would never do it. I respect a human’s choice to be turned because I had my life, my love ripped away from me. I spent a century hurting for my love lost. For my life that I lost. There isn’t a day where I don’t think back on my old life.”

“I have so many questions, we have to talk about this. I want to build trust with you, I really do. I don’t want to let you go, not yet. But you need to know that no matter what happens with you and I. There is only an ending.” It hurt Louis to say it, but he doesn’t ever see a future where he would want to live until the earth’s time was done. Or until someone killed him off. He’d rather live a natural life and let fate decide when his story was finished. 

“I won’t ever ask that of you. I was not given the chance to choose this life, I could never do that to someone else.” 

Louis nodded, “I have one more question. Have you fed on a human since we met?” He wanted to know, even though at the same time he didn't. Because feeding on humans can be a sexual thing for humans. The idea of Harry giving such arousal to someone made Louis feel sick to his stomach. 

Harry squeezed Louis’ hand as he shook his head, “No. It felt wrong having you in my life to feed on another human. It can be such an intimate thing for that person, I couldn’t do it.” 

“I hear stories all the time, about what it feels like as a human. Some say it hurts and it’s fucking awful. Others talk about a pleasure they’ve never felt.” Louis wasn’t sure why he was even bringing this up, but a part of him wanted to know. 

Little parts of him had always been curious about it, just his dislike of vampires in general is enough to keep him from exploring that. His eyes scanned over Harry’s face in the dark. A night light in the corner gave just enough light that he could see Harry’s eyes scanning his face. 

“It's a bit of both. But at the right moment, it can be the most amazing arousing thing. It can be very intimate and personal between the vampire and the human. I have never gone that far, the humans I fed from, it was more of a case of me just taking care of myself. I didn’t care if they got off on it or not. It wasn’t something I cared about.”

Louis nodded as he looked down at their hands, he sighed before he pulled his hand from Harry’s. “I don’t want to lie to you, Harry.”

Harry looked up at Louis, “So don’t.” 

Louis took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he tilted his head back onto the sofa. It was easier to think about this over actually talking about it. To think about a future with Harry, and knowing that someday it would have to end. Harry didn’t grow older. He wouldn’t change. Louis would grow old and grey. They couldn’t have a forever in the world that Louis lived. He also didn’t fully trust Harry. The betrayal of his last relationship had damaged his ability to trust. He wanted to trust Harry. He had trusted him beforehand, well as much as he could with the amount of time he’d known him. So maybe he could learn to trust this vampire. Louis opened his eyes and looked towards Harry. 

He shrugged slightly before he clasped his hands in his lap, “I don’t trust you. But I want to. I want to give you a chance, but we.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, he wasn’t sure why it was so difficult to say these words. “We have no happy ending. Whatever happens with us, will end eventually. It seems almost pointless to bother.”

Harry moved from his spot, moved closer to Louis and tugged at his hand, “Louis, love is never pointless.” 

Louis looked down at his hand as Harry tugged lightly on one of his fingers. He pushed his hand forward slightly so that his fingers would push between Harry’s, “Harry, you would live a lifetime without me. If you fell in love with me, and we had to end it because I was getting too old, I could never imagine living a lifetime after a love has passed.”

Harry slowly pulled his fingers from between Louis’, and softly dragged his fingertips across Louis’ palm, “Louis, I’ve lived two lifetimes without my love. If it meant having a few years with you, I would live 5 more.” 

Louis looked at their hands as he pushed his fingers towards Harry’s wrist. He pushed his fingers over the place a pulse should be, would be if Harry had one. He turned Harry’s arm over and slowly ran his fingers across Harry’s wrist. “I could never ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking me anything. I’m telling you.”

Louis looked up at Harry, “What if we don’t even work out?”

“Then it saves us both some trouble later.”

He looked back at Harry’s wrist as he used the blunt nail of his thumb to scratch a line down the middle, towards Harry’s forearm. He looked up at Harry, watching as he licked his lips with his eyes on Louis’ hand. “I’m not going to commit to anything right now. But, I want to give you a chance.” 

“I will never ask you to do anything you don’t want to do. I will never disrespect your choice to stay human, Louis. That is unfair to you and that is your choice in life. I just want some more time with you. I will take whatever I can.” Harry’s voice was quiet, his eyes still locked on Louis’ small movements across his wrist. 

To Louis it felt so personal, touching Harry where a scar remained. Likely, the only scar his body carried after being turned. The spot he was bitten when he was turned, Louis knew the two deep scars from the puncture of teeth. He wasn’t sure why they remained, why the bite from being turned is the deepest, the one to scar and leave behind a mark. He pressed his thumb down between them before he pulled his hand away. “I’ll give you some time, and I will try to trust you. I’m still a bit pissed if I’m honest. But, I feel something for you, Harry. I feel something heavy inside of me and it’s because of you.” 

______________________

Trusting Harry would be easier if Louis could just stop letting his mind wander. He wasn’t so worried about Harry turning him against his will, as much as he hated the idea of Harry feeding off another person. He hated the idea of Harry sinking his teeth into the skin of someone who wasn’t him. It was a thought that both scared him and excited him and it was all so new. He’d asked for a few days to himself, telling Harry he’d call him when he was ready because he just needed some time to himself. Some time to wrap his head around everything. Louis knew he needed to give it time, give himself time to adjust to this. It was something he never thought he’d be doing, dating a vampire. But there was something about Harry. 

Louis gave himself a few more days before he invited Harry over. It felt awkward at first before Louis put his feet up on the sofa and pushed his toes into Harry’s thigh. Harry ran his hand over Louis’ barefoot and up to his ankle. He gripped at Louis’ ankle with his cold hand, squeezing slightly while he watched the movie that Louis had picked out. The simple gesture seemed to break the tension after that. Louis had questions but he didn’t know how to go about asking them. He wasn't sure what was acceptable, being a vampire didn't change that Harry had boundaries. He felt the light scratch of Harry’s short nails across his ankle and turned his attention towards him. He’d been looking down at his hands as he picked a small bit of skin beside his thumb nail. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry questioned as he kept slowly running his nails up and down Louis’ ankle. 

“Just thinking.” It came out more of a mumble but Harry seemed to have heard him.

He nodded a little as he looked back at the tv, “You can ask me anything, I do not mind.”

Louis looked at the tv, he had no idea what was happening in the movie. “You’ve talked about a sister. Is she like… your real sister or someone who is like a sister to you?”

“My real sister. Her name is Gemma. She was turned after I was. She didn't know I had also been turned until we found each other in the 80s.

Louis tucked the leg that Harry wasn’t touching beneath his thigh, “Found you? You were turned in the 1800’s.” Harry nodded, “Yeah. She was turned in 1832, four years after I was turned. She and our parents had no idea what had happened to me.” 

“How did you find her again?” 

Harry pushed his hand beneath the leg of Louis’ joggers, his fingertips pushed into Louis’ shin, “I- well, I had visions that I assumed were all just dreams and one day I realised I recognized the things I saw. So, I followed them. I’ve not had them since she came back into my life. Apparently it happens between vampires, sometimes.”

Louis tilted his head to the side and nodded, “That’s so interesting. At least you have her, though. I couldn’t imagine going through life like you have and finding one of my sisters, who I thought died over 100 years ago, was alive.” 

Louis felt Harry’s hand tense around his shin, he pushed his foot into Harry’s thigh with a frown, “What's wrong?” he asked, watching as Harry pulled his hand back down to Louis’ ankle. 

Harry shook his head, “Nothing, no. It’s, yeah it's weird. It was a lot to find her and I was afraid that if we separated, I’d never see her again.” 

It was quiet between them after that. Louis allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of Harry’ hand on his ankle. The way he'd press his fingertips into his skin, alternating between scratching and a gentle massage. It felt different and almost intimate. They remained that way, the hypnotic touches while they watched the movie. Harry removed his hand once he saw a yawn slip from Louis' lips. Louis had tried in vain to get Harry to stay a little longer, not wanting him to leave. But Harry reminded Louis of the time and insisted as it was getting a bit late. Harry moved his hand down over the top of Louis’ foot, his thumb pushing into the arch and moved up and down a few times before he pulled his hand away and stood from the sofa. Louis turned his ankle a little before he got up and followed Harry to the door. They quietly said goodnight and Louis waited until Harry was on the lift before he closed his front door and locked it. 

____________

Over the last month and a half, Louis’ schedule had gotten somewhat hectic. It meant more money and a new job opportunity and unfortunately less time with Harry. Though Harry would find ways to fit himself into Louis’ busy schedule. Something Louis didn’t mind all that much. He, for the most part, had been able to push aside the whole vampire thing and just focus on getting to know Harry as himself a little more. Though sometimes the reminder would come up, like now, as they sat on Harry’s bed and Louis spotted a small photo frame. It’s old and it’s of Harry and his sister, who Louis met for the first time just a few hours ago. Harry had tried more than once to get Louis to come over to his place sometime. And Louis had been very nervous, apparently so much that Harry could feel it. He kept reassuring Louis that all was fine and nothing would happen to him, he wouldn’t let anything happen to him. He spent over an hour talking to Gemma and by the time she got up to leave, Louis had all but forgotten she was also a vampire. 

The reminders were always small things here and there. Like the photo, a reminder that Harry would live on and Louis wouldn’t. A reminder that he would some day break up with Harry and they’d have to go their separate ways. Something that he hated to think about. He looked over at Harry and ran his hand over his bare arm. The coldness of his skin was familiar to Louis now, he laced their fingers together, their bodies side by side on Harry’s bed. The tv played Friends quietly in the background. Physically Louis was content, mentally his mind was stirring. The wheels turning about the inevitable. Harry must have sensed it, he reached over with his other hand and ran his fingers over the top of Louis’. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly. 

Louis looked over at Harry and shook his head, “My mind just wandered, that’s all.” 

“Where did you go?” Harry’s voice was still quiet, just above a whisper and Louis smiled weakly. 

“Someday we will break up. I don’t like that thought.” 

“Well, that’s not for now. That’s for another day. The only thing that matters is here and now, with you. Not our future. Not that moment.” Harry removed his other hand but squeezed Louis’ with the one that was holding his hand. 

Louis squeezed back and took a deep breath, “How do you live on after losing a love? I could never imagine having to live for decades with grief. I wouldn’t want to do that. I feel like it would just grow with you.” 

He could hear Harry take a deep breath, feel his shoulders raise and fall with his body. Harry swallowed and remained silent for a moment. Louis knew he was asking something heavy from Harry, but he was curious. Maybe too curious for his own good. 

“You learn to live with it. I view grief as that annoying housemate that you almost forget you have, until they show up and leave a mess behind.” There was a softness to his voice, a slight quiver in it as he spoke and Louis squeezed Harry’s hand. 

“Can you tell me about him?” Louis knew he didn’t need to be specific. Harry would know who he was that he referred to. But he wanted to hear about it, hear about Harry’s first love. He wasn’t jealous, he was curious. He knows that Harry lived a world he would never know, that he loved deeply and he had lost that love. He wanted to know about all the puzzle pieces that made Harry who he was today, that formed him into the type of vampire he was. 

Harry nodded, his fingers tightening their hold on Louis’ hand and he pressed his lips together tightly before he let out an airy laugh, “Sorry, yeah. What do you want to know?” 

“What was he like?” Louis asked as he shifted on the bed, his body facing Harry’s and sat criss cross, his knee pressed into Harry’s hip. He reached out and took his hand once more and ran his fingers over Harry’s palm. 

Harry smiled weakly as he looked towards the tv, “He… he was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful with bright blue eyes and his hair would turn a reddish gold out in the sun. We spent so many long days outside working and he’d get this golden tan, and these golden red streaks in his hair.” Louis smiled a little as he looked at his fingers that traced the lines of Harry’s palm. His finger tip traced along the life line, a solid line that went and faded off the edge of his palm. Harry continued to talk, telling him about little things with his past love. How he’d steal flowers from a stand in town and leave them for his love on the porch, and neither of the two would ever discuss it. Harry said that he’d see them in an old glass jar on his kitchen table, and later put them between an old handkerchief in a book. 

“I sometimes wonder how, if anyone ever found the book. If there were still flowers pressed between a handkerchief. I wonder what they thought about it, if they made up these love stories in their head about two people. Or what.” Harry shrugged slightly and Louis nodded a little. 

“I have this brown book that I have had so long that I no longer remember where it came from. It has flowers between an old hand stitched handkerchief. The book was published like.” Louis paused to think before he shook his head some, “I don’t know. I think the 1820s maybe? I’ve always just had it with me, in some of my things and Mum never had any idea where it came from.” He watched as Harry nodded slowly, before he cleared his throat. 

“Uhm.” Harry said, it sounded strained and he blinked a few times. 

Louis frowned, “Oh fuck, no this isn’t about me, I just remembered is all. I think it must have been a common thing people did back then. Please, go on. I’ll be quiet.” 

“No, Louis. I just..” Harry smiled once more, only this time it wasn’t weak. “Can I see it sometime?” Louis nodded, “Of course, of course. Next time you come to mine, remind me.” He watched as Harry smiled and looked back towards the tv. 

They sat quietly for a few moments, Louis pushed his thumb into the middle of Harry’s hand and moved it in a slow circle. Harry curled and uncurled his fingers a few times. 

“When did you realise you loved him?” Louis asked as he looked up at Harry.

Harry’s lip twitched as he looked over at Louis, “I think the first time that.” Harry swallowed and looked down at Louis’ hand, “I knew I really did love him for more than a friend. Because I always loved him, he meant the world to me. Means, the world to me still. I always when I had been asked by someone else, a friend, in the past. I always thought it was this one time. But no.” Harry looked towards Louis and smiled a little. He glanced away as his face fell, like all the emotion just drifted from him, “I was staying over at his house and he and I were sitting on the cold floor by the fireplace. Two weeks before my birthday and it was snowing. The snow fell silently around us in these large flakes and the fire crackled. We talked about our hopes and our dreams and I just remember the warmth of the fire on my skin as I watched him talk. I think I could have sat for hours listening to the rasp of his voice and the way he’d speak. If I close my eyes just right, and I focus hard enough.” Harry’s breath was shaky as he exhaled with his eyes closed and Louis tilted his head a little and watched his face. 

He watched the way his eyes moved beneath his eyelids and his lip would twitch at the corner. He looked like he was holding things back, as if he was attempting to keep emotions behind a wall. Yet the flickering of his eyes behind the thin skin moved back and forth, almost like he was searching for that memory. 

“I can still feel the way it felt when he would look at me. He had this thing about him that when he looked at you, it was you and only you. Nothing else and no one else mattered. You had his full attention. He always made sure that you knew he was listening to every word you had to say, as if it was the most important thing ever.” Harry opened his eyes and looked at Louis, they were wet and he could see the pooling tears. He frowned and laced his fingers together with Harry’s and gave a soft squeeze.

Harry looked down at their hands, “I knew that I was in love with him that night, because I felt like I was home. I don’t know how, or what exactly made it all click into place. I just knew, I wanted to be with that man. I wanted to live forever in his heart. Live beside him until the end of time.” 

“I’m sorry you didn’t get that.” Louis spoke softly. 

Harry sniffed and ran a hand over his face before he looked back at Louis, “No matter how many years pass between that night and tonight. I know that in the end, he loved me just as much as I loved him. I know that the world just wasn’t ready for our souls to collide.” “How do you go through all these years, carrying that grief though?” 

Harry licked his lips and gave a soft squeeze to Louis’ hand, “It's how I said earlier. I once thought that it got harder. I know now it never gets easier. I know that I will have it with me until my time ends. But I have been lucky in a way some of my kind never will be.” 

“How so?” Louis asked. He unlaced their hands and moved so that his body was beside Harry’s again. Their thighs touched as he held his hand out, palm up on his thigh and wiggled his fingers.

Harry laced their hands back together, “Well, not to sound crazy. But I found him, again in the 30s.”

Louis laughed slightly at that, “How did you do that if he died?” 

“I don’t know how. I never stopped to question it but. Sometimes the world has a way of giving someone a second chance. It was him, the same family, the same voice and smile. Name and all. My friend saw him too.” “Maybe he had a job he’d been meant to do and hadn’t done it yet. I don’t know what I believe about all these things. I want to laugh at you and tell you to stop pulling me leg. But, I’ve heard stories about things and I don’t know. I have dreams sometimes that I’m living on a farm and raising chickens.” Harry cleared his throat, “Maybe you’re dreaming about a past life.”

“Maybe, they’re really vivid. I just know that I love someone strongly and miss them in those dreams. And sometimes that person is around and I wake up and the feeling of a heavy ache sits inside me. It’s weird and I know nothing at all. But no.” Louis looked towards Harry and nodded some, “Maybe you were supposed to have a second chance with your love. What happened to him?” 

Harry’s face fell, the emotion that had been there falling away as he looked away from Louis, “I had to let him go. I had to let him live a life like I will have to let you. He lived to be in his 80’s and past in his sleep. I still love him, I will always love him. I carry hurt with me but I try to cover it with love and hope.” 

“Maybe someday you’ll get another chance, third times a charm after all.” Louis smiled when Harry looked at him. He couldn’t figure out the look that Harry was giving him but Harry just unlaced their hands and ran a hand over Louis’ thigh. He squeezed lightly as he nodded. 

Louis asked a few more things, learning more about the person that had first ever captured Harry’s heart. The only person who may ever mean that much to him. And yet it should likely have bothered Louis, it didn’t. It warmed him to know that love had found its way into someone like Harry, to know that the man who has lived over 100 years with such pain can still smile fondly at little memories, speak of them with his eyes closed as if he’s watching them play out inside his mind. Louis was able to pinpoint moments that hurt and moments that brought joy. All the emotions evident on Harry’s face. While sometimes Harry wouldn’t look at Louis, he’d tell him whatever he wanted to know. And Louis loved hearing all the things that Harry had to say. Even if every word was about his love for another man. 

Eventually the topic shifted to Louis asking about Harry’s time in other parts of the world, during other time periods. It was interesting to sift through Harry’s memories like that, to learn about first hand experiences in things that Louis could only ever read about. And Harry didn’t seem to mind it at all. They sat close as the night moved on, eventually the clock struck 1 and Louis yawned. Harry called him a ride home and kissed him softly on the corner of his lips. Louis watched as Harry stood in his doorway until he was out of sight before he looked down at his hands with a smile. Despite the fact that Harry was a vampire and that he still was having an internal struggle with trust. He really did enjoy having him in his life and the thought of him leaving someday stung. 

Louis just hoped that maybe someday he’d be a story that Harry would tell another person, that maybe someday he’d mean at least half as much as Harry’s love does. 

_**Harry.**_

Harry was sitting on his bed when Gemma opened the door and poked her head in with a soft smile. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked. 

Harry pat the bed beside him, “I meant to, honestly. But I just wanted him for myself for once. I just needed it.” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” She curled up into Harry’s side, her head on his shoulder. 

“Well this time around he knows what I am. It’s why he was hesitant to meet you. He doesn’t trust us.” 

“Most humans don’t trust us though.” She said and Harry nodded, he knew that and hated it. But he also understood it with the rogue vampires around. He wouldn’t trust a vampire either if he was human. 

“It's just strange. He asked about my first love tonight, fuck it was so hard sitting here telling him things he doesn't know are about him” He looked down at his hands, running his fingers over his own palm as Louis had a few hours ago. 

“But are they him? The past forms?” He felt her shift beside him, her legs pushed beneath his blanket. 

“He looked the same, except now he has three freckles instead of two, like in the 30s. He had one before that.” He could feel Gemma look up from her slouched spot on his bed. 

“Soul marks. You have the same amount, love.” He felt her poke his face and he smiled some.

“I know. Which is what scares me. What if this is his last time? What if this is it and I never see him again? He doesn’t want to be a vampire. I will respect that, I have to.” “Does he have any idea about his past life? More and more humans are learning they lived before. Some never remember, some do and they find their soulmate who has been turned.” Her voice was muffled against his arm as she slid farther into his bed. 

Harry looked down at her and shook his head, “He talked about some dreams he had. Where he was on a farm and feelings he’d wake with. I think he dreams about his life from before. But, that’s all. It doesn’t matter, Gemma. In every world that I have known him, Louis has never wanted to be one of us. He was angry in the first life. He was disgusted in the second. If this is his last life, I just want him to live out how he’s meant to.” Gemma had completely laid down in Harry's bed, his cover tugged up to her chin as she looked up at him. “What if his fate is finished this time?” 

“I will do what I did the times before. I will live and go on and carry him with me. I believe someday we will have our happy ending. Maybe once my time ends that will be when it happens. But I can’t force a change on him. I refuse to do that or sway his choice. No matter how badly I don’t want an ending to us.”

“You have to do what you feel is best. And no matter what it is, we all love you. But also, you need to tell Lottie. That is her brother, she should be able to have a chance to know him too.” 

Harry nodded as he looked down at his sister, “I will. Oh, I do have a question. Long ago, the first time. I would leave Louis flowers on his porch.” Gemma laughed lightly, “You mean the ones you always stole from Mrs Smith, as if she had no idea.” 

“Yes, yes anyway. He would put them in a book he had, between an old handkerchief. I was telling Louis about this because he was asking things about… well about my first love. And he said that he had a book with flowers between some pages in a handkerchief.” 

Gemma sat up and looked at Harry, her eyebrows up, “How would he have a book from…” She looked confused before she shook her head some, “You need to see this book.” “I plan to, I asked if I could see it sometime.”

Gemma had only nodded after that, slipping back down into Harry’s bed and turning away from him. She swatted at him behind her back until he slid down into his bed too and they talked quietly together in the dark until the sun rose. Something they had done a few times before. These days they don't often have the chance to stop and talk like they used to. Life was always going around them and their lives were always moving with it. Harry enjoyed the moments they had to just talk and be with each other for a while without the worry of the ever changing world around them, or the lingering sadness they carried about missing their old lives. Something he knew that she did miss, as did he. It was a common topic of conversation; something that could bring them down for a few days, but in the end they’d talk to each other and get on with their lives. Because they both knew they simply had to keep going. 

_____________

Harry tried to be patient, waited a few days before he called Louis and asked about sending more time together. But he was anxious, he kept thinking about the book. He knew there was no way it was the same book, that it was a coincidence. But he still wanted to see it. He gave it three days before he asked Louis if he could come over. He tried to tell himself that he wouldn’t immediately ask to see the book, play it casually. Only five minutes into being at Louis’ place and he had asked about it. Louis smiled and went to get a box from a closet and brought it into the living area. He sat it on his coffee table and reached in and retrieved the book. Harry watched as he held it out to him, the gold painted on writing was scratched away, the edges showing signs of wear and tear. It looked like it was about to fall apart as he took it from Louis and sat it on his thighs.

Harry’s fingers traced the golden words painted onto the leather and glanced over at Louis who was sitting on the coffee table watching him. He looked back at the book and ran his fingers across the offwhite pages, he could feel the fabric of the handkerchief slightly sticking out between the middle pages. He pulled the book open, his fingers traced the words of the page before he pushed the thin sheet of paper over, exposing the handkerchief. White thread framed the cream coloured cloth. It was old and nearly brown but Harry could remember when it was a simple cream colour. The white thread that stitched little flowers around the edges. He could see the old flowers dried and brittle as he unfolded the cloth. He took a deep breath and tried to let it out slowly. Tried to hide his emotions from Louis. 

He saw the scribbled dates on tiny slips of paper that the flowers laid on. Each one dated from the day they’d been given. Louis’ scribbled writing was staring right back at him. Harry looked up at Louis, their eyes met and Harry took a deep breath before he closed the book and handed it over to Louis. 

“That was heavy.” Harry tried to laugh it off but there was something in Louis’ eyes as he looked from the book back to Harry.

“Is this the book, Harry?” Louis’ voice was quiet as he asked, looking back at the book and opening it to the first page. 

Harry didn’t respond, he wasn’t sure how to. He laughed it off instead, “No, it just reminded me of the book I talked about.” 

Louis nodded a little as he ran his fingers over the first page. He licked his lips before he spoke, “I saw this book and thought of you, I hope it finds you and brings you the joy it brought me. Sincerely, H” Louis carefully opened the book up and looked at a few pages, turning them gently, “I always wondered who H was. I would read through the book and see these scribbles on the side, noting each of the gifters favourite lines of a poem. I would read them and wonder how this person must have loved the person they gave it to. To take the time and write these words out. To mark pages and lines about love and friendships. I always hoped someday I’d meet someone who loved me like that.” Harry bit the inside of his bottom lip as he smiled weakly, “It’s not the same, Louis. Just similar.” 

“Someday, I will give you this book back. But it smells familiar to me and it’s always felt important to me. I feel a weird emotional attachment to it, something I have never told anyone. So for now, I’m keeping it with me. But this is your book and for some reason it ended up in my family's hands. I very much believe things happen for a reason, Harry.” Harry shook his head, “No, you don’t have to give it back. I gave it to-’’ He caught his words and looked at his hands. “I gave it to him, I gave it to someone I love because every poem reminded me of them. Every word written held words I wanted to say but couldn’t find myself to say. Words I never got to say.” “You said them, if he read them. You said them. Harry, I read them and I saw the love. You told him everything you ever felt and you did get to say them.” Harry looked up at Louis and nodded a little, “I just miss him sometimes.” Even though _he_ was sitting in front of him, it was the truth. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. Instead he smiled, “Take care of that book. Keep the book, I don’t need it.” “Harry, it belongs to you. I just want it for a little while longer. It’s just a book to me. It carries no emotional value, but at the same time it does and I can’t explain why or how. Just that, I love the book so much and I sometimes look at it when things suck in my life. I’m not ready to let it go. But the fact is, the difference between you and I is, I die. I have an ending. The book deserves to live on and it should be with you.” Louis’ words hurt. He knew it was all true, but the reminder still burned. It hurt to know that was his future with Louis, once again. Like all the times before. He’d love him and lose him. A cycle he was familiar with now. He scooted forward on the sofa and tugged the book from Louis’ hands. He carefully opened it to a specific page, the words still familiar to him even after all these years. He hasn’t even read the words that the book held since he gave it to Louis. He hasn’t touched it since it became Louis’ book. And it hurt to hold it in his hands, turning the thin paper one at a time to a page he knew by heart, thinking of Louis doing the same. Knowing that he’d done the same all those years ago, knowing his fingers brushed across the corners and down the words as he read. Harry swallowed as he found the page. 

"I loved you first: but afterwards your love outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song as drowned the friendly cooings of my dove. Which owes the other most? My love was long, and yours one moment seemed to wax more strong; I loved and guessed at you, you construed me and loved me for what might or might not be –

Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong. For verily love knows not ‘mine’ or ‘thine;’ With separate ‘I’ and ‘thou’ free love has done, for one is both and both are one in love: Rich love knows nought of ‘thine that is not mine;’--” “Both have the strength and both the length thereof, both of us, of the love which makes us one.” Louis finished the words and Harry looked up at him as he closed the book in his lap as Louis continued to speak, “You wrote on the side of it, ‘Christina Rossetti writes what I wish I could say.’. If you ever think he didn’t know the love you held for him, you’re fooling yourself. And I hope you know how much he loved you back.” 

Harry frowned slightly, “How could you know what he felt?”

Louis handed him the book, “He replied to every note, every word you wrote.” 

Harry opened the book and scanned his own words, on the opposite sides of the pages were words Louis wrote. He turned the page to find more, and more with every gentle turn of the page. Louis’ words scribbled back at him in a response. He smiled weakly, his eyes pooling with tears. He turned to the page of the poem that he’d just read, wondering how he hadn’t noticed the different ink that scribbled along the opposite side, a line drawing to the poem from the words. 

“ _I loved you from the start and I will love you with all my heart until our worlds part._ ” Harry blinked a stray tear away as he looked up at Louis. His bottom lip trembled and he wanted to laugh it away. But it was something that he’d missed, the words to know how much he was loved by the man he loved. To know that Louis had loved him and loved him deeply. 

“You know he loved you, he always will love you.” Louis’ stood up and walked over to Harry, he sat down beside him and took the book from him, laying it gently on the coffee table. “You will never get over him, you will always carry him with you. I will never be jealous of this man, he brought you something you deserve and it means the world to you. I can see how it hurts to not have him and I never want to know the pain you carry.” Harry looked over at Louis and sniffed as he ran his hands over his eyes, wiping the tears away. “Some days it’s like an old ache. And some days, it’s like now. It feels brand new and fresh and it hurts so bad. I just want him to hug me and hold me one more time.” 

It felt weird to say those things to Louis. But when it came down to it, all the forms of him had been different ones. The one he’d known before he was turned, the one he met in the 30s’ the one that sat beside him with his hand on his and his head on his shoulder. Even if this Louis agreed to be turned, part of Harry would always miss the Louis he first knew. The one who captured his heart and stole it away beside his own. He placed a hand on Louis’ thigh and squeezed lightly. He could never explain how it felt right now, even if Louis knew all his secrets, knew all the truths of the history of that book and who Harry’s first love had been. 

They sat quietly while Harry calmed himself, while he went through moments of content before the tears formed once again. It was freeing almost, to show the emotion. Even around his sister and Zayn he had just hid it away. He found it easier to hide it, deny it. But there would be times that he would break and he’d find himself emotional. He’d take a long hot shower and curl up in bed and let the tears silently fall in quiet sobs. It was soothing to have someone else comfort him. To have someone sit beside him and talk to him quietly, relax him and help him to breathe slower, steadier. Help the tears to slow and eventually he was laying with his head on Louis’ lap while he ran his fingers through his hair. Harry watched as the tv played quietly, barely audible to Louis but Harry could hear it as Louis spoke about random things. 

Harry felt emotionally and physically tired, he closed his eyes and let Louis lull him into a soft sleep. 

_** Louis. ** _

Louis had let Harry sleep on his sofa a few nights ago after he’d cried himself out. He’d felt so bad for him, he could never and in all honesty does not want to ever, know how it would feel to carry such grief. He’s dealt with his own grief and he knew how painful it could be. But he couldn’t imagine losing your partner so young and in such a way that Harry had. Only to have to proceed to live an eternity without them. Even if Harry had been given a second chance, something that baffled Louis but he didn’t question it. He believed it though, he didn’t see why he shouldn’t. Life was weird like that and he believed people had more than one life to live. His own dreams reminded him of that. He’d been hesitant to wake Harry that following day, he looked peaceful as he slept on Louis’ sofa. 

He ended up waking him up last minute, telling Harry to leave when he felt okay to do so before he had to head off to work. It was admittingly difficult for Louis to do for more than one reason. The first was because he hated to leave Harry in such a state. The second was because he hated to leave Harry, the vampire in his home. He’d had a restless sleep, always worried that Harry would break his trust. He knew that he needed to trust Harry but he was finding it hard to do. Always having a nagging voice in the back of his head that he couldn’t trust him. He wanted the voice to shut up and piss off. 

When Louis had gotten home that night, Harry was gone, a note left on his coffee table on top of the book. It was a simple thank you for what Louis had done, an added apology for ruining their night together. Louis flipped the note over and told Harry he hadn’t ruined their night. He told him his heart broke for him and he cared about how Harry felt, he cared about what Harry cared about and it was important to him that Harry felt comfortable discussing things with him, no matter what they may be. He stuck the note in the book and placed it on a shelf with some other books. It wasn’t tucked into the books like the others, instead laid in front of them like decoration. He wanted Harry to read it anytime he wanted, to read the words of his lost love. It was apparent to Louis last night that Harry had never read the book after handing it over. Louis still was curious how his family had ended up with it but brushed it off in the end with it simply being meant to be. 

_______________

Louis sighed as he followed the slow movements of Harry’s hand along the side of his leg. His fingers slowly moved down over his shin before they slid upward towards the side of his knee on the inside of Louis’ leg. They’ve been sitting quietly in the dark. There are three candles lit on his coffee table, flickering in the cool breeze from the open balcony door. The storm seems to have passed on now, the distant thunder nothing but a low noise. 

“I have no idea when the power will be back on.” Louis mumbled as he tilted his head back, sliding farther down onto the sofa. He moved his leg so it was on Harry’s lap. 

Louis felt Harry’s fingers slide up the side of his calf towards his thigh, his fingers slipped beneath the thin material of his basketball shorts. He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. He let the air leave his lungs slowly as he felt the beginning stir of arousal low in his abdomen, something he’s not sure he wants to venture toward with Harry. He’s heard so many stories of vampires not being able to control themselves. How some have bit a human against their wishes while kissing along their necks, caught up in the scent of the human’s blood as their hearts pounded inside of their bodies with heavy arousal. 

Louis is aware that after a month and a half of knowing that Harry was a vampire, that he has shown respect to Louis. He knows he should be able to trust Harry, to trust his boyfriend and be able to kiss him, to feel his hands on him. Lord knows he thinks about it, how he aches for it. And how he wishes now, that Harry’s hand would move farther up his inner thigh instead of stopping above his knee and sliding back towards his ankle. There’s something about the way Harry’s hands work over his ankle and foot that keep the arousal building and Louis swallowed as he opened his eyes and looks over at Harry, the light of the flickering candle leaving a soft glow on his face. Harry’s eyes were on him and he licked his lips. 

The air felt heavy, like another storm was on the horizon. Louis let his other leg drop to the floor, the one that had been ignored over the last hour of slow touches by Harry. Louis had been in the shower before Harry called, asking if Louis was up for company. He’d agreed and finished his shower, tugging on a pair of basketball shorts over nothing and just pulling on a zip up hoodie. He wanted Harry’s hand to touch him farther, explore his body in the way he’s touched his legs. The way he’s fingers dig into the arch of his foot. Louis cleared his throat as he felt Harry’s nails scratch lightly down the bottom of his foot, an act that should tickle him, instead he felt himself getting hard. 

“Harry.” His voice shook slightly as he spoke and he cleared his throat again, sitting up a little straighter, which pulled his foot from Harry’s lap slightly. Harry’s grip tightened as Louis moved his leg. 

“Is something the matter?” Harry asked as he held on to Louis’ ankle, his thumb brushing back and forth across the inside. 

“No, not really. I just.” He wants more. He wants more than the holding of hands, wants more than the soft hugs. He wants more than the intimate touch of his foot or a peck on the cheek when they part. He doesn’t know how to say it though, doesn’t know how to trust Harry with it all. It feels like a lot. Louis scratched his arm lightly before he ran his hands over his thighs, “I want more.”

Harry slid his hand up over Louis’ shin slowly, “More what?”

Louis almost snorts a laugh, he knows Harry isn’t clueless, “I want to kiss you.”

“You don’t need my permission for that, if that is what the issue might be.” 

“Uhm, well that isn’t the issue.” Louis responded as he glanced over at one of the flickering candles. 

“So what is it?” Harry asked.

Louis watched the way the candle flickered and wished Harry had the power to read his mind. Though he thinks even if he did, knowing Harry he’d still want Louis to speak the words he’s finding so hard to speak.

“I don’t know if I trust you.” He whispered. He felt ashamed to admit it, he didn’t want to hurt Harry’s feelings and he felt like this shouldn’t even be an issue.

“Oh.” It’s a soft sound that slips from Harry’s lips. His hand didn't move but it felt lighter on Louis’ skin. 

“Louis, why don’t you trust me? What about kissing me worries you?” 

Louis looked towards Harry, relaxing when he moved his hand just a bit, “Because I want more than just a kiss. I want more than just your hand caressing my leg. I don’t know if I trust you being close to me in that way. I mean, assuming you would want it also.” He frowned, he should have started this discussion in a different way, at least find out if Harry wanted those things.

“Of course I want that. I want it when you are ready, on your time. Physical relationships aren’t a big deal for me, Louis. I don't really care if there is one or not. You can have a deep relationship with out sex. But I want you to trust me. Louis, I would never do anything to you without you wanting me to. You’ve invited me into your home, I respect your personal boundaries. You allow me to touch you and I only go so far, no matter how much I want more than what I have given you. I can only promise you my words again and again, that I know you do not want to be turned.” Harry’s hand slid up Louis’ leg towards his knee, he squeezed lightly and it did something to Louis and he bit his bottom lip. 

He could feel Harry shifting on the sofa and he looked from his hand towards him, he was facing Louis now, one knee drawn up onto the sofa. 

“I will never put my teeth across your skin without your permission, in any way. I will stay clear of any vital parts of your body that you don’t trust me to touch. Either with my hands or my lips. But no matter the words I speak, it’s up to you. You need to learn to trust me if you want these things.” 

Louis nodded and leaned forward slightly, Harry moved in a little closer, his head slightly tilted. Louis’ eyes dropped to Harry’s lips as he spoke, “It’s your move, Louis. If you want it, you need to make the move.” Louis felt like his whole body was trembling, he felt scared and anxious. Excitement weaved itself throughout his body. It felt like so much was about to happen, when it was just a kiss and it was just Harry, it was just him and Louis taking their relationship to the next step. But it was also about trusting him, letting him in even more, allowing him to touch Louis, kiss him and bring him pleasure. Allowing Harry in was a big step for Louis and this felt like so much all at once. 

He swallowed and reached up for Harry’s shirt, pulling him closer until their lips touched. He could feel the ghost of Harry’s breath across his skin just before he pressed their lips together. He sighed out, feeling his breath between their lips before he moved his own. His hands shook as he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Harry’s. He didn’t move at first, just took in the feeling of their lips together, the feeling of Harry’s hand on his thigh. His thumb circling the skin beneath his shorts. Harry nudged his head slightly, his nose bumping Louis’ cheek as he did. Louis’ hand shook slightly as he raised it to Harry’s jaw. His thumb on his cheek, fingers against the side of Harry’s neck. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and he pulled back slightly. He frowned and shook his head as he dropped his hand. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry whispered, his breath brushed across Louis’ cheek as he turned his head to the side. 

“I don’t know why I’m so scared.” Louis couldn’t look at Harry. He felt stupid, he felt pathetic. 

“Louis, you aren’t pathetic. I’m someone you never wanted to know. I’m someone you don’t trust. You’re taking a big step with yourself letting me in, let alone letting me kiss you.” He could feel Harry’s hand grip his own. 

Louis kept his focus on the sofa cushion as he shook his head slightly, “I’m a fucking adult whos afraid to kiss another man. It's a bit pathetic.” Harry squeezed Louis’ hand, it was tight and he held the grip for a moment before he spoke, “Far from it. I’m a vampire and you’re opening your doors for me and inviting me in. That’s no easy step.” 

Louis closed his eyes as he breathed out, he could still feel his heart against his chest and he breathed slowly and deeply. He felt Harry shift in front of him, felt his lips touch his cheek. Harry’s lips slid towards the corner of Louis’ lips and Louis turned his head, his lips pressing against Harry’s. He parted his lips slightly and breathed out through his nose as he reached up and ran his fingers underneath Harry’s chin before dropping them to grip Harry’s thigh. Louis tilted his head into the kiss, feeling Harry’s tongue brush across his as he moved forward, pushing up with his foot on the floor to move to his knees and hover over Harry. He tried his hardest to not break the kiss. He cradled Harry’s face in his hands. 

He could feel his heart once again, thumping against his chest as he tried to breath slowly, in and out as he tried to focus on feeling the way Harry’s hands clutched his hoodie at his hips. Tried to focus on the way his tongue brushed his own, his lips pressed against his. He tried to focus on anything he could besides the beating of his heart. Louis pulled away slightly, his breath shaky. Harry blinked up at him before he smiled slightly, “Are you okay?” he asked in whisper, a hand sliding down Louis’ outer thigh. 

Louis nodded and leaned down, his forehead pressed against Harry’s and he closed his eyes for a moment and just breathed him in. He smelled like cigarettes and peppermint. He smelled like pepper and vanilla. He smelled so good and Louis breathed in deeply before he opened his eyes and pressed his lips back against Harry’s once more. He didn’t hesitate this time, parting his lips for Harry and falling back onto the sofa, pulling him on top of him. 

____________

Louis was falling for Harry. He’d known it for sometime and he’d been able to push it aside and shrug it off. He had a habit of falling fast at first, the whole new relationship thing tended to get him excited, hopeful for a possible future. He’d eventually get his thoughts sorted out and it would be fine. Only with Harry it didn’t happen like that. And now that he was able to kiss him, lay on his bed with their legs tangled together and kiss him for as long as he wanted. Lay beside him with his head on his chest and talk about their days. Sometimes, he’d even fall asleep and wake up with Harry still there. It was different now, it felt serious and it worried Louis. When he’d learned that Harry was a vampire he knew he had to make a choice. He chose to have him around and see how it went. He didn’t expect the feelings to stay in all honesty. He expected his feelings to dwindle out. He assumed he’d get bored because he didn’t like vampires, he didn’t want anything to do with them. 

And now he was hanging out with them, spending time at Harry’s and being introduced to those who’d been in his life for almost a hundred years. It was interesting to Louis and he found it fascinating. It was like a really tight knit family. On the outside they looked like every day friends who’d known each other for years. They didn’t remind Louis of the vampires that he’d encountered. It helped comfort him, helped him to relax around them. Though it was hard at first for him to do. He still was hesitant to fully let his guard down. There had been one particular female that Louis had been drawn to. He felt like he knew her, had a strong pull towards her. He knew her name and birthdate. It was weird though, because Harry had told Louis they’d never met. But he’d been confused, if he’d never met Lottie, how did he know her name was Charlotte? How had he known her birthday, not her turned date, but her actual birth date. It floored him, he was confused and had sworn they’d been introduced before. However the little that Louis did know of vampires, was that they didn’t often discuss their original birth dates. They kept a lot of their time as humans private. So for him to know such a thing at all would be something, especially since she was as old as Harry in vampire years. But he was drawn to her and he enjoyed spending time with her. She reminded him of his sisters, she reminded him of something else and he couldn’t quite figure it out. He’d told Harry one night and he’d simply told him to not put too much thought into it. That had been difficult for Louis as it felt like he had an itch he couldn’t scratch. He felt like there was something he knew, but he couldn’t remember and it was getting on his nerves. As he tried to subtly figure it out by spending time with her, befriending her and learning more about her. He simply felt the itch fade some, forgetting that there was something about her. 

Louis had decided that he’d had to have met her before to know all these things and not being able to remember when was the itch he needed to scratch. He started to ignore it, it was easier that way and it seemed to calm Harry as anytime Louis brought it up he looked like he’d been caught sneaking off with a pack of sweets before supper. Louis would pluck that reaction away and keep it safe in his memory. Louis was getting comfortable around the other vampires, around Harry especially and he wanted to try and take it to the next level. His nerves would build and build everytime he thought about actually bringing it up with Harry. It wasn’t anything drastic, it was just that he simply wanted to feel what it was like to be touched and to touch. It had been a month since he first kissed Harry and all the kisses they’d shared since had been amazing. The feeling of Harry’s lips on his, the way his lips would move, it tugged at Louis. Caused him to want to run his hands down Harry’s body and slip them beneath the fabric of his clothes. He wanted more. He’d decided he would bring it up next time Harry came over. He’d chickened out every other time but now that the thought was what got him off, he wanted to know how it really felt and now just what he fantasized about. He needed to just do it. Bring it up and see what happens next. He was fine if Harry said no. But he just needed to know if they could go a step farther. 

____________

Louis was annoyed as he spotted his building in the distance. He could see a figure at the doors of the building and knew it was Harry. He glanced both ways before he jogged across the street with his hands in his coat. He kept the pace up until he came up to Harry with a smile. Harry was already opening the door for Louis and gave him a tight smile as he put his hand on Louis’ lower back and guided him inside. Louis went without question and let Harry guide him to the lift. It was quiet all the way up to his floor, quiet as he opened his door and walked in. He kicked his sneakers off as Harry locked his door and watched him take his coat off. 

“Why are you so quiet?” Louis asked as he headed towards his sofa and flopped down. 

He watched Harry remove his own coat and shoes before he came over and sat down beside Louis. He leaned over and kissed him gently before he smiled. “I don’t want to alarm you.”

Louis frowned and straightened up where he sat, “About what?”

Harry glanced at the balcony door before he looked back at Louis, “I think you’re being hunted.” “You think what?” Louis started to get up but Harry reached for him, a tight grip on his wrist.

“You’re safe in your place. You’ve got to invite them in, remember? And I’m here. No one would try to come for you with me here.” 

Louis shook his head, “Is it because you’re here? Have you put me in danger?” He knew how it sounded, but he’d heard stories. He wanted to know.

Harry shook his head slightly before he licked his lips and ran his cold fingers over Louis’ hand, “I know there are stories but. No, it’s likely he caught your scent. We can smell your blood, and some humans smell more appealing than others. Some rogues will hunt them out, make a game of it. It doesn’t end well. It’s why I wanted to meet you at the door.”

Louis took a deep breath and glanced down at their hands, “How do you know if I am…being hunted?” The word felt strange coming from his lips and he looked up at Harry.

“I heard someone discussing a human over here. I decided to follow him one day, I wasn’t too sure because he only came halfway before he turned away. I think he’d known I was there. So instead I started to watch your place, and I asked Niall to also since he works in this area. The rogue has followed you, but you stay in busy areas and it makes it hard for him to get to you.” 

Louis felt sick, he had plans to have a talk and none of it was supposed to be this serious. He ran a hand over his upper arm, his fingers trailing down it, the feel of the cotton of his long sleeve shirts. Harry leaned forward and kissed Louis’ cheek softly.

“I will do anything to protect you, Louis.” He said quietly as he looked down at his hand. He reached out and tugged at Louis’ hand. 

Louis looked at Harry and sighed softly, “How can you protect me?” 

Harry swallowed as he traced the lines on Louis’ palm with his fingers before he laced his fingers through Louis’ and gave a gentle squeeze. “So, there is this thing that I could do. Or, I could not do it and I can just watch you, have Niall, who works in this area also watch you.” 

Louis didn’t like the idea of being watched, he didn’t want anyone to be a security guard for him. He liked being alone sometimes, he needed it. He looked at their hands before he looked at Harry, his eyes scanned his face, “What is the thing you can do?”

“Mark you.” It was blunt and honest. Right to the point and Louis pulled his hand back. That wasn’t something he wanted, he didn’t want Harry’s teeth anywhere near his skin. Hands? Yeah, he wanted him to touch him, make him moan and feel good. No teeth, that idea scared him. 

As if he could read Louis’ thoughts, Harry reached out and ran a hand over his cheek, his thumb swiped beneath his eye, “I barely draw blood, it leaves a mark that only others can see and, before the blood, before my teeth sink in just enough to imprint. I suck on your neck, like I would a love bite. It’s intimate, that is why many don’t do it as many vampires do not do these things with humans.” 

Part of Louis wanted to just tell him to do it, do whatever that could rid him of the nauseating nerves in his stomach at the idea of a vampire hunting him. But if Harry had to draw blood, who was to say that he wouldn’t continue? How could he stop if he tasted Louis at all? Louis didn’t trust him with this and his hands shook as he pulled away from Harry. He stood up and walked over to the steps and went up to his loft and laid down on his bed. The moon was out and it was clear, the rays of light shone across his messed up queen bed that lay on the floor. He stared up at the moon through the large picture window, one of his favourite views and he was thankful that Harry didn’t follow him up to the loft. Thankful for a moment to himself. A moment to think. Louis sighed heavily as he watched the moon, watched the dim stars around it burn bright in the city’s night sky. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He was conflicted, he was so fucking conflicted and it angered him. 

He never wanted to know how the teeth of a vampire felt, he never wanted to know how teeth felt at all. He didn’t like the idea of being bitten. He hated it so much that he wouldn’t let any one night stand near him if they had a thing for nipping and biting across his skin. He didn’t trust anyone. He’d always been weary of it, a weird irrational fear of being bitten, of being turned always sat heavily inside of his mind. He groaned as he rolled over, feeling a weight sink into the mattress beside him. He knew it was Harry and he kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to look at him, he couldn’t look at him right now and part of him wanted Harry to leave. It seemed his heart was betraying him though, as he wanted Harry to stay, curl up beside him and protect him. Louis sat up and looked at Harry, he was looking at his hands and picked at his thumb nail. 

“How much blood?” He asked, startling Harry slightly who looked over at him.

“Uhm, not too much but it happens. I have to break your skin somewhat for it to mark.” 

“How do you know someone else is a vampire?” Louis asked as he pulled his knees to just his chest.

“Outside of the bite marks you mean? We can sense each other.” Harry leaned back on one arm, his other hand over his stomach. 

“I’m scared.” Louis whispered as he sat his chin on his knees.

Harry looked at him, his eyes roaming over his face, “It's me, I will never do anything to harm you. I will draw blood but, I have control, Louis. I can and will control myself. I just want to protect you and the rogue vampires often kill their hunts.” 

Louis swallowed and nodded, he felt like he had no say in this at all. It was to let Harry bite him or, he could end up dead. He straightened out his legs before he moved to his knees and crawled the short distance towards Harry. Harry looked up at him and Louis leaned down, brushing his lips across his. Louis’ pulled back and looked into Harry’s deep green eyes that were staring back at him all wide eyed. He leaned down and nipped at Harry’s bottom lip before he surged forward, their lips colliding in a heated kiss. He straddled Harry’s hips as he tried to not break the kiss, nipping at his bottom lip once more before he broke the kiss and moved to Harry’s neck. He could smell the scent of coconut lotion and cigarettes and he placed soft kisses beneath Harry’s ear. 

Louis nipped at Harry’s earlobe as he felt his hands grip his hips, he was hard and he wanted to feel ashamed of it, but he couldn’t help it. It was something about having Harry beneath him, knowing that he could flip Louis without a second thought, take claim to him like a toy. He closed his eyes as he breathed heavily, his cock thickening up inside his joggers. He shifted against Harry, pressing himself into his abdomen. 

“Fuck” He whispered beneath Louis and ran a hand down over Louis’ ass. Harry gripped his left cheek tightly, his fingers digging into the cloth covered fabric. 

“Do it.” Louis moaned softly against Harry’s ear as he moved against Harry, the friction of the fabric of his joggers against his cock burned slightly and he wanted them off, wanting to feel Harry’s skin against his body. 

Louis reached down and slid a hand beneath their bodies, running it under Harry’s shirt. His skin was cold to the touch but soft as his fingers spread across his ribs. Harry moved them so that Louis was on his back, eyes wide and blinking up at him. Harry straddled Louis’ hips and rocked his body down onto him. Louis bent his knees up and ran his hands over Harry’s thighs. Harry reached down and ran his hands under Louis’ shirt, his cold fingers brushed over his nipples as he pushed the shirt up. He leaned down and kissed up the middle of Louis’ chest. He moved his lips towards his right nipple and dragged his tongue over the small bud before he blew a breath across the wet skin. Louis dug his fingers into Harry’s thighs as he tilted his head back and licked his lips. His eyes locked on the moon. 

Harry placed a soft kiss on Louis’ nipple before he softly kissed along his jaw, “Are you sure you want this?” He asked in a soft tone, his lips brushing across Louis’ cheek. 

Louis nodded and looked towards Harry, he blinked a few times before he spoke, “I want it. I promise.”

“It’s going to hurt, but it can also feel good.” 

Louis nodded as he tilted his head back, his focus back on the moon. It calmed him, soothed his nerves. This wasn’t just a hookup giving him a hickey. This was a vampire who was grinding his ass against Louis’ hard cock, bringing him closer and closer to the edge. A vampire he was falling in love with. He closed his eyes and pushed his hips up, his cock pushing against Harry’s ass. It felt rough but good and he ached for more, ached to feel skin on skin. As if to read his mind, Harry slid down his legs, taking his joggers with him, slowly revealing Louis’ hard cock. Louis reached out and wrapped his fingers around himself, tugging slowly as he watched Harry pull his own shirt off and toss it aside before he tugged at his belt. 

There was something erotic to Louis about watching Harry undo his belt. The way it fell open as he undid the button on his jeans and unzipped his fly. The way his belt buckle framed his hard cock as he pulled it from his jeans. Louis sighed, a slight whimper falling from his lips as he squeezed the base of his cock. He bent his knees and dug his toes into the bedding beneath him. Harry pushed his jeans off, pants following them into a pile on the floor as he stood naked in front of Louis. Louis could eat him up, run his tongue over every inch of Harry’s body. He ached for it and spread his legs open for Harry. It pulled a smirk to his lips as he moved back between Louis’ legs, their cocks bumping together as he leaned over Louis with an arm on either side of his body. 

Harry bumped his nose against Louis’ cheek and smiled softly before he leaned down and kissed him. It was slow and gentle as their tongues brushed, as Harry ran his fingers down Louis’ neck. It wasn’t long or deep. It was simple and light, and just right. He reached a hand up to brush his fingers through Harry’s hair, giving a soft tug at the ends when the kiss broke. They stared into each other’s eyes before Harry shifted his hips and pressed his cock into Louis’ thigh. Louis hooked his legs behind Harry’s thighs and pulled him in. 

“ ‘M still in a shirt.” He whispered as he arched into Harry. 

Harry ran his fingers over Louis’ bottom lip before he kissed the corner of his mouth, “I think it’s kind of hot.” He placed soft kisses down to Louis' jaw, a slight hesitance as he moved towards his neck.

Louis could feel the ghost of Harry’s breath across his skin and he tilted his head back, eyes locking in on the bright full moon. He swallowed as Harry shifted his hips against Louis’ as their cocks rubbed against each other. The skin on skin friction wasn’t as smooth but it felt so much better than the fabric of his joggers. Precome wetting the skin made a smoother glide and Louis moaned, feeling the soft feeling of kisses along his neck. Harry was slow with his lips as he’d place a soft, barely there kiss along the side of Louis’ neck. He was gentle with him, as he moved a hand down between them and gripped Louis’ cock in his hand. It was firm and the tug was slow, a slight twist of his wrist. A moan spilled from his lips as he closed his eyes, letting himself focus on the way Harry was working his hand on his cock. 

He let himself drown in the feeling of Harry’s hand on him, of his lips on his neck. He listened to the way his breath increased, heavy pants as he moaned into the room. His eyes focused on the bright light of the moon. Harry licked a slow strip up the side of his neck, his tongue traced along his ear from the bottom up while his thumb circled over his slit. He dug his fingers into Harry’s sides and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth biting into it as he closed his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked as he placed a soft kiss to Louis’ lips before he pulled away. 

Louis nodded and looked back at Harry, he took a deep breath and swallowed, pushing into Harry’s hand. He could feel himself getting closer and closer his hands moved to the bed, clutching at his blanket beneath him. 

“Do you still want this?” Harry asked as he nosed along Louis’ neck. 

Louis moaned softly as he felt Harry’s hand slip down, passing his balls and between his cheeks. Two fingers brushed across him and he inhaled sharply as he spread his legs further apart. Harry pressed against Louis’ hole with a finger 

“Fuck, Harry. I’m close.” Louis moaned out as he tugged at the blankets, “Please, do it. Do it, make me come.” He gasped as he felt Harry kiss along his neck. 

He felt Harry’s lips pepper his skin as his finger pushed in and out of him slowly. He wanted more, he wanted his cock in him. He wanted Harry seated deeply inside of him as he marked him. Kind of like a story he’d read online once. “I want you in me.” He moaned, his head dropping to look towards Harry. Harry kissed him quickly, lips lingering against his. “Are you sure?” “Yes, please. I need you in me when you do this. I need to feel you all over me.” 

Harry took a deep breath before he pulled back on to his knees. His hands ran over Louis’ thighs. Louis calmed himself, breathed a little slower and deeper before he spoke, “I have lube in the drawer beside you.” His hand shook as he pointed towards the small bedside table. 

He watched Harry reach over and grab the lube, watched as he opened it and poured some on his hand, gripping his own cock and stroking himself. He switched hands, putting his other on his cock and working himself over while he ran his fingers over Louis’ hole. He sucked in a breath as he smeared the lube over Louis, fisting himself to the sight of it. Louis closed his eyes, gripping his own balls in one hand and squeezed. He licked his lips as he felt Harry push his fingers in, a soft fuck from his lips at the site.

Louis focused on the feeling of Harry’s fingers in him, focused on how good it felt to be touched, to be touched by him. He focused on the way he pushed in, a cautiousness to it. He was slow and went easy at first. His hips seated against Louis. He was deep inside of him, all he way in and Louis could feel his hips pressed against his ass. He moaned as he felt him slowly begin to fuck into him, moaned his name as he picked up his pace. It felt so good, it felt amazing and different. There was something about it, something that tugged all sorts of emotions from deep inside of him. Something that screamed out, finally as he got fucked by Harry. Something he hadn’t been aware he needed so bad as he gasped out, head tilting back and his eyes locked on the moon. His focus was always the bright light of the moon. 

It calmed him, soothed his nerves and fears. He felt Harry drape himself over his body, his lips on his jaw as he kissed him softly. His lips drifting lower and closer to his pulse point. He kept his eyes on the moon for a few more moments before he felt the soft graze of his teeth. Louis closed his eyes and focused on the way Harry’s hips pushed his cock into him, the way his own dick was rubbing between their bodies. Locked between a cold body and a warm body, it was a weird sensation. He was right on the edge of coming, Harry’s lips close to slipping from his in a long moan. 

He took a deep breath as Harry latched his lips on his skin, his tongue pressed against the flesh. He sucked on Louis’ neck as he rocked his hips into Louis. Louis ran his hands over Harry’s upper arms and over his back, feeling the cold soft skin beneath his hands. He kept his head back, kept his eyes closed as he felt the pain from the way Harry sucked on his neck. It went straight to his cock, he moaned out a breathy warning. He was going to come.

Harry’s teeth pressed into his skin and his eyes shot open, locking on the white light of the moon. It stung as arousal burned through his entire body, as he came hard between them. He gasped out, a harsh sound from his lips, his nails dug into Harry’s back as Harry’s hips slammed into him one more time before he came deep inside of Louis. Harry drew back, blowing a soft breath of air on the wet mark on Louis’ neck before he licked a strip across it a few times and placed a soft kiss. He pushed himself upward, pulling away from Louis as he pulled his cock out of him. Louis breathed heavily and looked down toward Harry, he dropped his knees and watched as Harry laid his hands on Louis’ thighs and rubbed them up and down. A gentle touch to his heated skin. 

“Are your fangs away?” He asked. He was out of breath as he tilted his head to the side. 

Harry shook his head and Louis slowly sat up, he ran a thumb over his bottom lip, “How long before they go back up?” 

He could see Harry run his tongue over a fang with his mouth closed, he looked down at his hand, “Till the taste of your blood is gone.” 

“What does it taste like?” Louis ran a hand over Harry’s bare hip. 

“It’s amazing.” He could see Harry’s hand shake and he narrowed his eyes curiously at it. 

Louis nodded as he reached out and tilted Harry’s head up by his chin so that he'd look at him. “I trust you.” 

Harry nodded, “And I love you.” Louis saw the white of his fangs as the words spilled from Harry’s lips. He swallowed hard and breathed in, “I love you.”


	5. Chapter Five

**_Harry._ **

Harry stretched out on the bed, his back arched slightly. He rolled his head to the side and smiled slightly when he saw Louis curled up with the blankets bunched up between his arms. Every since they’d had sex, every since he’d marked him, it’s been different between the two of them. Harry knew it took a lot for Louis to allow both of those things to happen. And he knew it would continue to take some work for them to get closer. He could sense it sometimes when they’d have sex or be cuddling on the sofa during a movie. If Harry nosed his neck in the moment, he could feel Louis tense up. Harry would move away and focus somewhere else, using his hands to touch Louis and distract him. It would work and Louis would relax as Harry lightly trailed his fingers over his arm or across his stomach when he’d slip his hand beneath Louis’ shirt. He learned Louis liked his stomach touched, liked the way Harry would brush his fingertips across the soft skin, sometimes lightly scratching back and forth. Knowing those little things came in handy for Harry when Louis would tense up, be stressed, or his mood changed and Harry wanted to distract him.. He was going to be patient with Louis because he had to and because he really wanted to be. Harry was working to stay patient with Louis. Not only because he had to be, but because he wanted to be. He didn't want to rush Louis or for him to second guess his intentions. Louis' comfort, his happiness was paramount to Harry. He loved him, and hearing those words from Louis had both surprised him and filled him with joy. However, something happened after they had sex and Harry marked him. Something changed and Harry wasn’t sure if it was because he bit Louis, or if it’s because they slept together and if it did something to their connection that was obviously there. Sometimes Harry could feel Louis’ emotions, pick up on him when he was in the same neighbourhood as him. He was even able to track Louis down by his emotions, feeling annoyance that grew stronger with every turn. Until he found him in a small grocery store. Harry had walked up to him and greeted him, not going to admit how he’d found Louis. He acted like he shopped at that store all the time even if Harry rarely ever bought food. Even with Louis in and out of his place, he didn’t keep many foods around. Louis had simply scoffed at the lack of a cereal brand on the shelf in front of them and rambled on about having coupons before he grabbed a box and handed it to Harry.

The last few weeks had been almost perfect. Harry hadn’t seen the rogue vampire around and neither had Niall. He told Lottie that he marked Louis, her response had been mixed before he told her about the rogue. Louis and Lottie spent a lot of time together, some days she was over at Louis’ when Harry showed up. It worked out since they all got along, and even though Harry wanted Louis all to himself, he knew that after all these years, Lottie deserved some time with him. That was her big brother, it was only fair. Even if Louis had no idea that he was her brother, she knew and every time Harry saw them together, he could tell she was just taking everything in. Someday she would have to leave him, he would live a life and it would end while she would keep going. Harry understood it, understood the way it saddened her to know she’d once again live a world without her brother. He did his best to be of comfort to her. But he knew despite his attempts at comfort, in the end it was going to hurt. He told her to not think about the future, instead to focus on what is happening now.

Focus on having him in her life now, etch everything to memory. Take lots of photos and enjoy the moments she did have. Harry took his own advice, Louis did too after he brought it up one night. He had a box of polaroids of Harry and Lottie, even the others tucked away under his bed. Louis was working them all into his memories, preparing for the day he’d leave them also. It was bittersweet. He got along so well with everyone and they loved him. They’d never had a human who worked their way into the tight knit group like Louis had. Throughout all the years that they all spent together, they’d meet humans, spend time with them. But there was no one who was welcomed the way Louis was. Niall and Louis got along amazingly, he’d hang out with him after work sometimes. Zayn and Liam often went to the movies with Louis, sometimes Zayn and Louis would just be lazy, spend a Saturday watching shitty tv until Louis passed out on the sofa. 

Everyone loved him, everyone liked having him around. It was mutually agreed on that they were going to miss him when he had to leave their lives. Harry found a weird comfort in that. Knowing this time around, he wasn’t going to be the only one losing Louis.

Harry had hoped that maybe by Niall and Zayn getting to know him, how he, Gemma, and Lottie had, that maybe they could understand the impact he made on Harry, how magnetic he was and how Harry had fallen so in love with him. He knew though, no one would understand that part. No one could understand why he loved him endlessly. But Harry was taking every moment with Louis and working it into the many memories he carried with him. He wrote and wrote, writing every story, every detail he could about their time together. He made copies so Louis had one too, he wrote him notes and letters. And sometimes when he was over and Louis was sound asleep in his bed, Harry would get up and climb down the steps of the loft and go get the book.

He’d open it up and his eyes would scan the pages and pick one, reading it and reading Louis’ response. All those words that Louis wrote, all the ways he told Harry just how much he loved him. How he knew that Harry loved him to the moon and back and more. Harry wished he’d known all these things way back then. But he knows now, the world wasn’t ready for them. And it may never be ready for Louis and Harry to rule it. But for now, he had the words, he had the memories and it was good. 

___________________

Harry smirked with his lips against Louis’ inner thigh as he nipped gently. His fangs had dropped after he’d drank a bag of blood earlier and were still down. Louis had started to allow Harry to keep some blood at his place. Harry kept them in a paper bag inside a drawer at the bottom of Louis’ fridge. That way he had them but Louis didn’t have to see them. He would watch Harry drink from the bag, a slight tilt to his head as his eyes shifted between Harry’s lips and the bag, as he watched him drink it back like it was fruit punch. Louis had started to ask questions, too. He’d asked about the taste, how it was the first time he tasted blood. If other humans taste different. He’d also started to ask how it would feel for a human to be fed from, that one was asked most often. Harry never pointed out the fact that Louis had already asked him about it several times before, he’d simply answer the same way he always had. 

But tonight it ended up a bit different, Louis had watched as Harry brought the thick bag to his lips, kept his eyes on Harry’s as he drank from it. The air had felt different while he did. As always Louis watched Harry as he drank but instead of small talk or watching TV, he asked about feeding directly from someone. Harry finished off the bag, a small trail of blood escaping the corner of his lips. He used his thumb to swipe it away, bringing it to his lips while Louis watched him. He sucked the blood from his thumb before he licked his bottom lip, Louis’ eyes traced the movement. And this time, instead of responding he crawled over to Louis, crowding into his space and nosed at his shoulder. He could smell the way his blood picked up pace when his heart started to beat faster and Harry could feel the slight fear in Louis. 

He placed a soft kiss on Louis' shoulder, “Would you like to find out?” It was a question he’d never thought he would ask. The moment the words left his lips he halfway regretted it. 

He could hear the way Louis breathed out before he whispered, “Yes” 

So Harry had led Louis to his bed before he stripped them both from their clothes. It was new to Harry, being able to do such a thing with his fangs down. This was a step for Louis. It was one thing to let Harry drink around him, store it at his place. It was also one thing to be with him while his fangs stayed down. It was very much another thing to be trusting Harry to do this, to press his fingers into Louis’ flesh and pull his warm blood from his body and to taste him. Harry had long ago suspected that he would never be able to go back if he tasted Louis. He could smell his blood and it always made him crave it, especially if he was by him after he’d already drank and his senses felt overloaded. Harry had not expected that over the last month between the marking and now that Louis would feel comfortable enough to let him do this, and he also felt it was going to be one of his biggest tests. One little slip, one second too long and he could lose Louis. If he went too far, drank for too long, he’d have to turn him. He doesn’t want to be on that end of it, ever. Because he can feel the lingering disgust for vampires when they pass them. Harry counts himself lucky to be loved by Louis when he dislikes his kind so much. 

Harry smoothed a hand down Louis’ other thigh as he placed kisses towards his hip. Louis watched him, his head tilted on the pillow as Harry kissed towards the base of his cock and pulled away. Louis wasn’t fully hard yet, his breathing was slow and Harry could hear his heartbeat occasionally pick up speed. He wanted to take his time with Louis, calm him and distract him before he sunk his teeth into his flesh. His fangs stayed down, almost as if they knew what was to come. 

Harry spotted a candle that had been burning since he arrived, spotting Louis up on the loft as he lit it and two others. The other two seemed to have died out on their own. The only one remaining was a blue jar candle. It’s flickering flame is still visible above the edge of the jar. Harry pressed his cheek against Louis’ half hard cock as his eyes shifted from Louis and the candle before Louis’ eyes followed his line of sight. It caused Harry to remember a time so long ago. The first night he ever touched Louis, ever ran his hands over his naked body and admired every inch of him. It had also been the last time he ever got to be with him. Ever got to kiss him or hear his breathy moans as he pulled an orgasm from Louis. That night he had learned so much about Louis, so many things that caused him to unravvel and whimper soft pleas into the cool night air. 

When Harry looked back at Louis with an eyebrow raised, he saw something flash across his face. Harry moved to his knees and placed soft kisses across his stomach before he reached for the candle. He sat back on his knees and ran a hand over Louis’ hip, his fingers finding Louis’ cock and slowly wrapped them around it. He gave a few lazy tugs, pulling Louis to full hardness before he leaned down and kissed his hip softly. Harry held the candle up and watched as Louis gave a soft nod of his head, approval to let the wax drip to his skin. 

“I mean, I’ve never done it.” Harry can hear the hesitation in his voice.

“You know that I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.” He leaned down and dragged the tip of his tongue up Louis’ thigh towards his hip.

Louis licked his lips and breathed out, “Do it.” His fingers dug into his own skin at his stomach when Harry squeezed at the base of Louis’ cock.

He tilted the candle slowly as he stroked Louis. It was a way for him to distract Louis some, keep him from focusing on the pain of the hot wax. Harry watched it drip onto Louis’ skin, his cock twitched in Harry’s hand as he hissed out a moan. Harry leaned down and kissed the skin beside the drying wax. He looked over at Louis and tilted his head. He had an unreadable expression on his face. 

“What’s the matter, Love?” Harry asked softly.

Louis licked his lips slowly before he took a deep breath, “The deja vu that I’d just had was so vivid. It was like I was sent back to another time.”

Harry leaned down and gently kissed the spot of wax on Louis’ thigh, he felt Louis run his fingers into his hair and gently let the tip of his fangs scratch across the soft flesh. He heard Louis breath in sharply as he looked up towards him. Harry pulled his hand from Louis’ cock and peeled the bit of dried wax off of Louis’ thigh before he tilted the candle once more. Louis gripped his own cock and gave a harsh tug as the wax kissed his skin. Harry moved it up to Louis’ hip, leaving a line from thigh to hip before he kissed along the line of drying wax. Louis was stroking himself as Harry looked up at him. He eyed the wax and then Louis.

“How close are you?” He asked before he flicked his tongue across Louis’ slit. The taste of precome made him want to wrap his lips around Louis’ cock. Louis twisted his hand across his shaft before he let out a shaky moan, his head tilted back, “So fucking close.” It was a sight to see, the way his hips shifted off the bed when he arched his back slightly, a slight thrust into his own grip. Harry moved so that he was laying on his stomach between Louis’ legs. He leaned down and kissed the spot he’d decided he would feed from, it was hidden but would give him blood, let him feed. It wouldn’t be apparent to anyone else as the feeding marks tended to linger for a while. It felt intimate and personal this way and Harry liked that. Because that's what this was. He wasn't just feeding from Louis it was about the trust he was placing in Harry and giving him pleasure in return. He dragged the flat of his tongue across the skin a few times while Louis stroked his own cock, soft moans and pants slipping into the air. 

Harry tilted the candle once more before he gave a soft kiss to Louis’ skin and opened his mouth. He slowly sunk his teeth into the flesh of his inner thigh as he heard Louis hiss out. Harry closed his eyes as he held the candle away, tasting the rich warmth of Louis’ blood pool into his mouth. He sucked against his skin and moaned around the bite. Louis tasted different from all the other humans. He didn't have the typical thick copper taste, there was a sweetness to it. He heard Louis as he came, his heart pounding in his chest as he moaned Harry’s name out. He felt Louis grip his hair and pull tightly. Harry counted to ten in his head before he opened his eyes and pulled back from Louis’ thigh. Blood had seeped out from his mouth where he bit, flowed down onto the bed and caused a mess. Something about the sight turned him on, causing his dick to twitch between his legs. He reached over and sat the candle back on the bedside table. He could feel the blood that had slipped from his lips and slid down his jaw and neck. A few bits ran down his chest. He licked his lips slowly as he looked back at the bite, watching as it slowed and the bleeding had mostly stopped. He felt Louis move and looked over as he sat up and placed a kiss on his cheek. 

Louis’ hand gripped his cock tightly, “What do I taste like?” He asked as he began to kiss along Harry’s bare shoulder. 

Harry moaned as he wrapped a hand around Louis’ that was on his cock, stroking him tightly and quickly, “I want more of it. You taste so fucking good.” He was being honest, maybe he shouldn’t be so honest but he was caught up in the moment. 

He could feel Louis’ tongue on his skin and he moaned again, feeling himself getting closer and closer to the edge. He gasped out a warning to Louis that he was going to come before he looked down and saw him slowly licking along the thin strip of blood. That was all it took, that was all he needed before he came hard with a low moan. His hand tightly around Louis’ as Louis worked his hand over his cock. There had been something about the way Louis looked at him as he tasted his own blood on Harry’s skin that did it for him, something he wanted to see again and again with Louis’ hand on his cock. 

_____________

Feeding from Louis became a regular thing. After the emotions of that night, Harry shouldn't be surprised but he finds that he is each time. Louis sighed as he fell back onto the sofa and Harry leaned back down to kiss the spot on his thigh. He had three other marks from Harry’s teeth, small reminders of short moments. The repeated use of the same area will cause scarring and when Harry told Louis that, Louis had told him to keep doing it there. That he wanted to remember him when their time was done. 

Louis would make remarks like that, about having memories here and there of his time with Harry. With Lottie and the others. Little things that he could pluck away for himself, hide them deep in his heart and never let them out. He told Harry that he loved him, he loved Lottie and the others and he wanted to keep them around as long as he could. Harry had told Louis that he could though, and Louis asked how Harry felt at seeing Louis try to live a life with another person? Having to watch as Louis got married to a man who wasn’t Harry, have kids with a man who wasn’t him. How would Harry take it and he tried to tell Louis that all that mattered to him was being around him. But Louis shook his head, told him it would be too painful for the both of them. That someday in the future, Harry needed to leave, go on with his life and pretend he’d never met Louis. 

Harry had simply nodded as he looked at their hands, fingers laced together and told him that it wouldn’t ever be as simple as that. Louis only responded with a whispered agreement. 

But outside of those brief moments where they would remember that their time was temporary, it was good. It was so good and it was everything to the two of them. They would go on dates and spend the nights wrapped up in each other's arms. Kissing and whispering soft ‘I love you’s’ in the dark. They’d make love with passion and kiss each other breathless, well in Louis’ case at least. They’d fuck and laugh while they did it, taking hours to come because they kept stopping because Louis or Harry couldn’t not make another smart ass remark, adding on to the other’s own remarks. They laughed until they cried and they cried as they talked. They shared promises and secrets for no one else but each other. And it was all so good. 

Until Harry woke up one morning, a heavy sinking feeling in his chest. He swallowed back bile and crawled over Louis to climb out of bed. He rushed down the steps and into the kitchen and searched for a bag of blood in the fridge. He still kept a few around because feeding off Louis too much wasn’t good for Louis. 

He ripped the corner off and swallowed as much as he could in one go, unsure why he felt so sick. 

Harry tossed the half empty bag into the sink and went back to Louis who was still sound asleep in bed. His eyes shifted beneath his eyelids at a rapid pace and he kept grabbing at the duvet. Harry breathed out slowly and sat down beside him before he laid his head on Louis’ chest. He closed his eyes as he heard the rhythmic beating of his heart. He began to count them beat by beat as he listened to the life flow through Louis’ body. He could feel the warmth of his bare skin against the coldness of his own. He could feel him twitch in his sleep and hear every breath he took. He felt like he had to cling to these moments, write them to memory. He felt like they were fleeting. 

He laid there for a few hours as Louis slept soundfully, as he spoke softly in his sleep. When he turned over, pulling Harry off of him, Harry wrapped his arm around him and pressed his face between Louis’ shoulders. Harry closed his eyes tightly and breathed in, Louis’ scent of coconut and cigarettes mixed with the soft scent of his blood that Harry had grown to love. He placed a soft kiss on Louis' back and found himself wishing that Louis would never wake from his slumber. A heavy weight sat on Harry’s chest that scared him. Something wasn’t right, something was on the verge of changing his world and he knew it. Harry knew that something was coming. He pushed the stomach twisting thought from his head and squeezed Louis tightly before he rolled him over.

Harry looked down at him and felt tears swell in his eyes. He blinked them away and leaned down, kissing Louis softly. It slowly pulled Louis from his sleep, his hands finding Harry’s hair and pulling him in. Harry needed him, he needed him in every way he could have him. Just his lips were not enough to bring the calming warmth he so desperately needed right now. Louis sighed against Harry’s lips and Harry pulled back some. He swallowed back a soft sob and Louis frowned, the street light from outside casting light between them as he ran a hand over Harry’s cheek. He swiped a few stray tears away. 

“What do you need, baby?” He asked softly. 

Harry’s bottom lip quivered and he wanted to laugh if not for the fact that he felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown. He needed Louis and that was all he knew. He needed to feel him inside and out. 

“I need you.” He replied as Louis sat up slowly. 

“What do you need me to do?” Louis moved to his knees and cupped Harry’s face in his hands and peppered soft kisses on his cheek. His lips collided with the tears as they fell.

“Fuck me.” It was all he could say. He couldn’t pour out every word of want, every need in all the forms he needed it. He just knew that that was something he wanted, that was something that would bring them close. 

And Louis nodded as he pushed Harry onto his back and hovered over him. Louis had given himself over to Harry so many times in the past. Given him his trust, given him his life to hold. And this time, Harry was going to give himself over to Louis. Let Louis have control, let him take hold of Harry for once. And the building fear that this was for the last time was heavy on Harry’s heart as Louis slowly caused him to unravel. 

_______________

“He was what?” Harry paled as he watched Lottie narrow her eyes at him. 

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t know. We know it was you, Harry. You’ve been obsessed with him for centuries!” Her voice was loud, loud enough to stir the others. 

Gemma and Liam came into Harry’s bedroom, “What’s all this about?” Liam asked as he glanced between Lottie and Harry.

Harry held his sheet over himself as he reached over for his robe and pulled it on. He wrapped it around himself before he stood from his bed. “She said Louis was turned.” “What? By who?” Gemma questioned, looking to Lottie for the answer.

“By Harry, of course.” She snapped, a glare shot towards Gemma as if she had anything to do with it.

“You have got to be joking, he would never turn Louis. How do you know Louis was turned?” She asked. “I can feel his anger. I woke up angry, I woke up wanting to die.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “I feel disgust and betrayal.” Lottie walked over to the corner chair in Harry’s room and sat down. She ran her hands through her long peach coloured hair. Harry had tugged on a pair of joggers before he walked over to her, he kneeled down in front of her, “Lottie, I would never, ever fucking do that to him. I would rather live in a world without him than bring him this life that he despised.”

She looked up at Harry, “You bit him, what was there to stop you from doing it again? Maybe you went too far, fucked up because you’re greedy.”

Harry will never admit to feeding from Louis. It wasn’t just about getting substance, it was intimate and private. Just for the two of them. 

Harry’s eyes narrowed and he stood up, “Don’t you dare. I could have turned him from the start. I could have turned him back in the bloody 30s, Lottie. I watched him die, I let him go and watched him die again. You do not get to sit there and put this on me.”

Liam cleared his throat, “I’m sorry to interrupt, however, did anyone bother to check their phones? I have at least 20 texts from Niall.” 

Everyone looked towards Liam for a moment, he turned his screen towards Gemma and her eyes scanned the texts. She grabbed his phone and clicked through it, “He’s with Louis.” “Did he turn him?” Lottie stood from her seat as if she was ready to fight him. 

Gemma shook her head, “No, he saw who did though. He’s at Louis’ and Harry needs to go alone. He said he tried calling you, Harry.” She looked towards him and Harry went over to his bedside table. His phone was dead, he’d forgotten to put it on the charger and he could kick himself for that.

He plugged his phone in and grabbed a shirt out of the dirty hamper, he sniffed it before he took his robe off and pulled the shirt on. He heard Liam clear his throat and looked over at him.

“Why can she feel him and not you?” He asked with his attention towards Harry.

“He’s blaming me for it.” Harry said as he grabbed a pair of shoes and tugged them on. 

“Besides,” Gemma spoke, “She and Louis are blood related. They’re going to have a stronger connection. It could even be he’s thinking about her. He feels something with her. If it’s a strong enough sibling bond, now that he’s a vampire…” She trailed off as Liam nodded. “I want to go with you.” It was Lottie speaking this time, Harry looked over at her before he looked at Gemma.

Gemma walked over to her and ran a hand through her hair, “No, honey. You need to stay here. He’s angry, and he’s only been turned recently. He doesn’t know his own strength. This isn’t safe.”

Lottie shook her head and stood up, “He’s my brother! I have every right to be there.” 

Harry knew she was mad at him, that either way she blamed him, he walked towards the bedroom door, intent on not saying anything. But he stopped and looked back at her, “She’s right. He never wanted this, the last thing he needs is a bunch of vampires in his place.” 

“You better fucking update me on every god damn thing that happens. This is _your fault_ , Harry. You fucking fix it.” She shouted as she stormed over to Harry, using her strength to shove him into the wall beside the bedroom door. 

A photo fell to the floor, the glass shattering as Harry closed his eyes, he didn’t want to snap at her, he refused to. He understood how she might be feeling. He was angry, too. 

He just didn’t see a reason to lash out. But no matter what she said, it wasn’t the truth. “Lottie, I am not at fault. I tried to protect him. If you mark a human, _most_ rogues back off of them. They don’t want the time or the fight for some blood. He should have been safe.”

“Should have been, can you do anything _right_?” She sneered before she stormed out of his room. 

He looked towards his sister who shrugged a little, “Just give her sometime, go to Louis’ and remember.” She walked over to him and ran a hand over his cheek, “Somewhere inside him is Louis, the Louis who loves you. Be patient and be calm. He’s going to say things, he’s going to do things and it might be a nightmare. I’ve seen it happen between lovers and the hatred is strong. No matter what he says, be calm. Don’t let him see your anger, don’t let him get it out of you.” 

Harry nodded, he eyed his phone on the bedside table as she left the room, the sound around him falling quiet. It felt heavy. All he could feel was a heavy weight and he felt anxious and it was laced with disgust. It was a weird mixture of emotions. Harry slid down the wall into a squat and ran his hands through his hair. He tugged just hard enough to hurt and breathed out heavily. Everything he never wanted was happening and it was so much. It was too much. He stood up and cleared his throat as he ran a hand over his shirt and smoothed out the wrinkles. Harry walked over towards his phone and went to grab it before he pulled his hand back. He felt a heavy feeling sitting in his chest. It sat just beside his heart. He looked around his room and spotted a hoodie and went over and grabbed it before he tugged it on. Harry moved to his knees and looked under his bed, tugging a small lock box out and sat it on his bed before he stood up. He went and got a messenger bag from his closet. 

_____________

As Harry walked to Louis’ place he started to realise that the world felt different. It felt and looked darker, colder. The sky was overcast with thick clouds and a heavy fog had settled in around him. While neither were unusual, it just felt fitting in a weird way. It was quiet and a heavy feeling followed him as he walked. He didn’t hear the normal sounds of birds or traffic, children playing as he passed a playground. As he got close to Louis’ place he realised it was even emptier around him, as if it was void of life. Normally his side of town was quiet, not as lively. Where Louis’ was flowing with people coming and going. Today however he counted only a handful of people when he’d normally have to dodge people as he walked the busy streets. The creeping dread of the unknown got worse as he saw the familiar building come into sight. He started to pick up on Louis, feeling his anger and hatred. It burned inside of Harry and he pushed forward as he entered the building. The lift was quiet, too quiet as it rose to the floor that Louis lived on. The ding telling him he’d hit the floor was loud to his ears as the doors opened and he stepped out into the hall that felt longer than normal. Everything felt off and disorienting. 

Harry took a deep breath as he knocked on the door, swallowing when it opened and Niall appeared. He looked tired and Harry wanted to cry. Niall stepped outside and shut the door behind him and wrapped his arms around Harry tightly. It was secure and safe and Harry breathed for a moment. He allowed himself to have this moment. He allowed himself to crack a little more as he pressed his face into Niall’s neck. It was over far too soon as he felt Louis standing on the other side of the door. A feeling he never wants to feel again, as long as he shall live. It was pure and utter hatred and it was directed at Harry. Louis knew he was there, knew he was standing on the other side of the door and he didn’t want him there. There was an eeriness to it, knowing that Louis was on the other side of that door and staring deep into Harry’s soul.

“You have to be patient.” Niall said as he pulled away and reached behind him for the door, “You need to stay calm, no matter how you feel, no matter what he may say. No matter what he projects.” 

Harry nodded as the door opened and he followed Niall inside. He expected to see Louis standing there and was surprised when he hadn’t. He walked into the living area and turned around as Niall was locking the front door. That was when he spotted Louis. He was standing beside the door, meaning he was behind it even as Harry walked in and something about that sent a shiver down his spine. He swallowed and let his eyes roam over Louis’ body. He was paler, his eyes bluer. And from where Harry stood he could see the gold in them. The look on Louis’ face was of hatred that Harry never thought he’d see. Let alone be on the receiving end of it. He took a deep breath as Niall walked past him, running a hand over his shoulder as he did. Harry could feel every emotion that Louis was having, he could hear every thought that he was thinking. Which was simply only one that stood out the most. He wanted to kill Harry. 

_______________

Harry kept his eyes on Louis as he stood by the door. His hands were in fists at his side and his eyes narrowed on Harry. Niall rubbed a hand on Harry’s knee and sighed. 

He shook his head slightly, “H, you need to focus on me. Don’t give into him right now. Don’t let him know how you feel.”

“How the fuck do I turn that off? I’ve never had to block someone out.” He looked towards Niall before his eyes slowly shifted back to Louis. 

As a human, Louis’ strength was decent. Despite his build he wasn’t weak at all. He worked out and Harry knew he was strong. He could only imagine his strength now. He wasn’t sure what it might be at the moment as he was a new vampire, his body should still be hurting from his death. It had taken Harry a few days to shake the pain, to fully find his own strength. Louis didn’t look like he was newly turned as he stood there with that glare in his eyes. “Stop looking at him for one. And two, fucking focus on me. You need to learn to keep him out because he can manipulate your feelings.” Niall’s voice interrupted Harry’s thoughts and he looked at him. 

Harry raised his eyebrows at Niall, “What? He can _what,_ now?” 

“We all have these _things_ about us right? Apparently he’s good at manipulating people's emotions.” Niall sounded casual as he talked.

Niall’s thing was reading minds, as long as they allowed it. Which most people and vampires had no idea that they could keep that from happening. Niall had taught all of them, even Louis. How to keep a wall up. Harry’s thing was being able to go unheard and move quickly. Throughout his years he was always able to escape sticky situations if he’d been caught feeding. Apparently Louis had a whole host of things about him. 

“It’s because you two are bonded. You can feel each other, sense each other, read each other. You can turn it off too. And you need to, If he gets in deep enough he’s going to cause a big mess. He wants to do that and you need to stop him, Harry. He tried with me earlier and it wasn't easy to pull out. He’s good at it already. I don’t know how, he’s shown no signs of a fledgling.” This time Niall looked back over at Louis. Louis’ eyes shifted to Niall and he tilted his head slightly. 

Niall looked back over to Harry, “Why does he want to kill you?” Harry looked down at his hands and sighed, “I don’t know. He’s blaming me but this isn’t my fault.”

“I know it’s not your fault. I saw it happen.” Niall’s voice was soft and he sounded disappointed. 

“What?” Harry tore his eyes from Louis and looked at Niall. He tilted his head slightly and reached for Niall’s hand, “You saw it happen?” 

Niall nodded a little as he looked at their hands before he looked over at Louis, “The entire night had been weird. There was a vibe in the air. I was working at the 24 hour coffee house and I asked Lewis if I could work the next shift. I never do that, I hate that place. But something told me to. He let me and a guy came in. The rogue came in and he was fidgeting. I offered him a bag on the house and he said it made him feel sick.” Niall looked towards Harry and pulled his hand away, “He left 20 minutes before my shift was over and I knew I had to go to Louis’. I clocked out right then, didn’t even tell Lewis. I just left. Still had my apron on as I headed to Louis’ place.” Harry looked over at Louis, he was watching Niall as Niall talked, his eyes almost burning into the back of Niall’s head. “I saw Louis come around the corner and then he disappeared. I knew he’d been pulled into the alleyway and I took off running. But the rogue had already bitten him, he was feeding but he latched on and went too far. I told him to stop and I even kicked him a few times but he wouldn’t stop. Another vamp had been walking by and grabbed him off of Louis. By that time there was no pulse.” Niall swallowed and looked at his hands, they shook slightly and he looked at Louis, “I didn’t know what to do. The other vamp said we had to change him now. I told him he didn’t want that but he did it anyway. He said he could decide his own fate once he awoke. If he didn’t want to live he could fix it but we couldn’t afford another deceased human. I told him again that you had been adamant, you never wanted to be turned. I told him not to do it but his wrist was to your mouth.” Niall was talking to Louis, his face apologetic as Louis’ shoulders relaxed. 

“I tried to pull him off of you but it was too late. He turned you, and I felt rage. I felt so much rage for the rogue. I have never felt such anger in my life and I have had an angry life. I killed him.” Louis looked down at the floor as Niall turned his back to him. 

Harry could feel a shift in emotions from Louis, he felt sad, and he felt scared. But it was quickly washed away by the hatred and he turned his attention to Harry. He felt like Harry broke a promise to him. He felt like this was all Harry’s fault. He was supposed to protect him and if Harry had never come into his life, he’d be human and he’d be at work. All would be well and as it should. 

Harry looked away as Niall cleared his throat, “The other vamp left, I guess when I killed the rogue it had caused a scene. I grabbed Louis and got out of there.” “You can be punished for that.” Harry said. He didn’t need to lose his best friend either. He needed Niall. 

“He was a rogue, who knows how many he’d already killed. He wasn’t going to turn Louis himself. He wanted to drain him for all he had. I’m not too worried about the council right now. If they want to speak to me, so be it. I’ll own up to my actions. But he was a rogue and he wasn’t unknown either, so.” Niall shrugged, he obviously wasn’t too worried about it. 

But they had strict rules, despite vampires being known they were to keep to themselves and not harm each other or humans. Feed on the willing and never turn the unwilling. Murder on a human was automatically a death sentance, murder between vampires was sent to a council. Each country had one, the humans had seeked out some of the oldest to form them, all agreeing on rules to keep things in order. To keep things fair. Vampires, like humans were just trying to get by. For the most part many had no intention in harming a human, after all that was their main life source. Animal blood didn’t give the right nutrients. And it was disgusting on top of that. 

“I love Louis. I love him with all my heart. I watched him grow old and I visited him just as you did. I befriended him for almost 10 years, Harry. There are photos of us. You told me to protect him and I did. And he became one of my best friends. Outside of you and Zayn, I had no one in my life. I have never known the love and companionship of a friend until I met you two. This hurts all of us who knew Louis. This hurts everyone because we all knew he never wanted this life.” Niall leaned back on the sofa and ran a hand through his hair. He dropped his hands and closed his eyes. 

“We never wanted to see him become what we are. We betrayed him.” Harry understood. In the end, they did. They betrayed Louis. No matter how hard Niall tried to keep it from happening, it happened. 

And maybe Louis was right, maybe if he and Harry had never stayed together he’d be okay, be at work and his life would exist as it once had. Maybe none of this would have ever happened.

“You can’t think about the maybes, Harry.” Niall spoke softly and Harry sighed.

“What do I do? He hates me.” He shot a glance towards Louis who had moved closer, his eyes locked on Harry and he was so angry. He was bleeding with hatred.

“Has he fed?” Harry asked.

Niall nodded, “He emptied every bag he had in the fridge back to back, and then he threw it up. He hates everyone, and everyone who has been turned without their consent, hates it. Give him time.” 

“We have to get more blood. I only had 5 bags here because.” Harry took a deep breath. He didn’t want to say it, he couldn’t admit it right now. 

Niall simply nodded his head once more, “I’ll call Zayn.” “Lottie is angry at me.” There was a shift in the air when Harry said her name, he looked over at Louis, his face was more relaxed. 

Harry grabbed Niall’s arm to stop him, he kept his eyes on Louis as he spoke, “Call Lottie, have her bring it.” Niall shot a glance over at Louis who was looking indifferent to her name, his anger, while still heavy in the air was calmer, “Alright.” Harry took a deep breath and watched as Louis’ eyes slowly went between the two of them, he could tell he was thinking, he was examining the scene in front of him as if he was plotting. It was unnerving because he’d tilt his head slightly when he looked at Niall, as if he was feeling a hint of compassion. But as soon as his eyes landed on Harry, he’d tense up and his fists would clench tightly. Louis was plotting and it wasn’t good. He had to be hungry and he had to be hurting physically. Harry wasn’t safe and he knew he wasn’t. He licked his lips and stood up, he could feel Louis’ eyes on him as he went up to the loft with his bag and sat it on the bed. He sat down beside it and pulled out the box that held all their memories. Memories from the start and now, to the end. Harry knew that he wasn’t safe, the hate inside Louis was consuming him. If he wanted Louis to calm down, to compose himself, he needed to leave. Niall and Lottie could take care of him, guide him through this if he makes the choice to see his way through it. But Harry knew that if he stuck around it wasn’t going to go well. Especially when he could tell that Louis was trying to figure out how to get to him. He ran his hand over the old box and sighed as he looked at the bedside table. A photo of the two of them sat, facing the bed beside a journal. Harry glanced over his shoulder and looked back at the notebook. He took it and shoved it into his bag and stood, coming face to face with Louis and he dropped his bag as he backed up. He could hear Niall cursing in the living area before he started up the stairs. 

“Louis, stop.” Niall’s voice was loud and demanding as he came into the loft area. He walked over to Louis and pulled on his shirt, Harry’s eyes looked at the shirt and it was torn, blood stained and dirty and Harry sighed.

“Louis, back off right now. You can’t do this, I know somewhere inside of you, you know you don’t want to do this, man.” He tugged harder but Louis pulled away as he moved closer to Harry’s space. 

Harry swallowed as he looked into Louis’ eyes. He was the love of his life, he was Harry’s world and he hated Harry so much right now. He wasn’t sure if Louis would ever stop hating him. But it hurt so bad to know that the one he loved so much, wanted to harm him. 

“I want you out of my life.” Louis’ voice was raspy and his tone was cold as he stared at Harry, “I never want to see your fucking face again. I never want to hear your name again.” 

Harry nodded and looked over Louis’ shoulder to Niall. Niall stepped away and went to the steps, walking down just a few and Harry looked back at Louis. He smiled weakly, “Okay.” Harry ached to reach out and touch Louis, just once more but he couldn’t. He knew it would be a big mistake. So he looked down and stepped aside, walking past Louis. He could feel his eyes on him as he followed Niall down to the living area. He walked to the door and opened it, feeling Niall crowd him with a hug to his back. 

“I’ll take care of him. I’ll call you later and update you.” Harry nodded and patted Niall’s hand softly. 

Walking away from Louis’ place was hard, it had always been difficult to do. But this time, it hurt. This time it stung deep inside as Harry crossed the empty street and headed towards the familiar playground. The fog was still thick around him as he walked over to the swings and sat down on one. He swayed lightly, unsure of what to do now. The love of his life, his soul mate hated him. Wanted to hurt him and never see him again. Harry knew that Niall was hopeful that things could get better. But Niall didn’t feel what Harry did, he didn’t see the thoughts that Harry had. 

Harry knew what he had to do. No matter how hard it was going to be, he knew what was best for everyone right now. 


	6. Chapter Six

_ Louis. _

Louis hated everything about his life. He hated the way the world was brighter, louder. The way he could smell the scent of blood as he walked along the streets. He hated himself and everyone he’d known. He shut everyone out, except Niall. Only because the one time that he’d tried to shut Niall out, the bastard had taken to knocking on his door until Louis opened it and let him in. Louis wanted him out of his life also, but Niall had said that Louis needed to have him around, he couldn’t navigate this on his own. He didn’t want to navigate anything. He wanted his old life back. He made a remark about starving himself and Niall had told him he could very well do that if he wished, but that it was supposed to be one of the most painful ways for them to die. The thought of the pain scared Louis from that option. Niall offered further advice, he could let the hatred overrun him and live as a hermit for centuries or he could accept his fate and make peace with himself.

_“Do you know what happens to vampires who exist with nothing but hatred inside of them?” Niall asked one night when Louis had refused to feed._

_Louis didn’t respond, his eyes falling on the guy sitting between the two of them. He was willing but he smelled awful, his blood smelled horrible._

_Niall nudged the guy who looked towards him, “You can go.” he said and Louis and Niall both watched as he shrugged and moved to his feet, showing himself out the door. Once the door closed Niall looked towards Louis, “They rot. They literally become nothing but hatred. I don’t want that for you, Louis. I actually fucking care about you. We all do. And none of us, fucking none of us ever wanted this for you, ever. And the fact that you honestly sit there and think that any of us would have let this happen, you’re fucking wrong and it hurts that you think such a thing. I killed your maker, Louis. I broke a law and I may have to pay for it. But I would do it again, and again if it meant protecting you. And honestly as fucking hard as it was, I wasn’t willing for you to be turned. I was going to let you pass. I respected your wish, and so did Harry and everyone else.”_

Niall never got a response because Louis didn’t have one. He’d been told countless times that none of them had wanted this life and yet here they were, making the best of it and that he should too. The anger was so deeply ingrained though, he didn't know if he could face the reality of his life. It didn’t help that he was having such vivid dreams, even when he was awake. He’d have these zoned out day dream moments of such visceral images in his mind that sometimes he could even smell the air around him. He wanted them to stop. They brought emotions and feelings he didn’t want to ignore. Sometimes he felt such a lingering ache consuming him. He didn’t understand why he was dreaming so much, especially about Harry and sometimes even Lottie and Gemma. It didn’t make sense to him. But none of this did. 

___________________

When people talk about vampires, one important detail that Louis had learned that often got ignored, was how painful it was. Even weeks after the turning. Niall had told him that it would pass, it was his body changing and it was him needing to feed. Feeding wasn’t something Louis wanted, he didn’t want the taste of blood on his lips. Niall reminded him that that was only a small part of the pain he would feel if he didn’t feed. Louis would hold out as long as he could before he’d break, accepting a bag of blood from Niall. Who would always follow it up with telling him that he really needed to feed off a human. He could survive on bags but if he was ever in a situation that he needed to feed from a human, he needed to know just what to do. Louis refused, he wasn’t going to willingly do it. It had been a week and 2 days since he had last drank from a bag, the pain was coursing through his body and Niall loomed over him as he curled up in a fetal position on his bed. 

“We are able to go longer, but it gets more painful. You get weaker and it only hurts more and more. I nearly died from it, Louis. Don’t do this.” Niall stared down at him as Louis looked up.

He closed his eyes and pressed his face into the pillow, he wasn’t sure he could hurt anymore than this. Between the vivid images that felt like an alternative reality and the pain of starvation, Louis was sure he was in enough agony that he was fine letting this be his end. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t say anything because it hurt too much to even move. His hands balled into fists against his stomach, every inch of him twisted in pain. His heart hurt, it didn’t even beat and it fucking hurt. But he supposed that could be the emotional pain lingering from his most recent dream from the last time he’d passed out. Did you even dream when you passed out? He wasn’t sure that was possible. 

It had been him and Harry, side by side in a pasture as the sun slowly faded beneath the horizon. Harry leaned slightly against him and it had to have been late summer as the air was thick and humid. His body was covered in sweat and filth, he could smell the faint scent of horses and cows, and the hot air around them. It shouldn’t be something he even pictured, let alone an image that brought sadness to him. When he opened his eyes he felt empty and alone.

Louis closed his eyes tightly, a low groan slipping from his lips before he passed out once more. It was happening more and more frequently. He’d come to, it was in waves of pain that made him feel like he could throw up, almost wishing he actually could before he’d feel a whole host of emotions wash over him. Every time he would slip unconscious another dream would come, each time more vivid than the last. It was like he was being sucked back into time, to someone else's memory. To another moment in another world where he once lived, only it wasn’t him. He didn’t understand why his mind would place him and Harry on a farm from a time he didn’t even know. He didn’t understand why any of this was happening to him, why it had to be happening at all. Why couldn’t he just die? Close his eyes and never open them again? 

_“You know she cares, right?” Louis looked over at Harry as he picked up a rock, he inspected it for a moment before he tossed it to the side. Louis sighed, “It’s just not fair, you know? I’m a grown man and she wishes to keep me home? Why can’t I go live on my own? It’s not even that far. She and the girls can visit anytime they want.”_

_Harry stopped and turned towards Louis, his hand was cold where he laid it on Louis’ forearm. His fingers lightly brushed his skin, “Louis, despite the fact that you went off and bought a house without discussing it with your Mum, I think the issue that she has, is that her only son is moving away.” Harry dropped his arm before he picked up another rock, he looked at it as he spoke, “Even if it might be just down the road, you’re leaving her behind. It's got to be a bit scary for her.”_

_“I do not get it. I’m still there for them all whenever they need me. I was supposed to wed by now, all my friends have.” “I haven’t.” Harry interrupted with a slight frown._

_“Ah, not yet. But I would like to start my own life, settle down and wed.” Louis didn’t miss the slight frown that washed over Harry’s face before he turned away, tossing the rock as he did._

_“You’ll find the right one, but be patient with your Mum, yeah? It’s hard to let go.” Harry continued walking and Louis watched him for a moment before he followed._

_Louis didn’t want the right one, he wanted Harry. But that wasn’t allowed, it would never be allowed and he was to keep it locked up inside. He couldn’t let that secret out no matter what. He’d grow old on his farm and die alone, and he’d accepted that long ago. But he always hoped that someday Harry might at least feel the same as him, even if they couldn’t ever be together._

When Louis came to once more he could feel a soft ache inside his chest. He felt a weird longing that he hadn’t before and was pushed away. His mind was simply busy making up scenarios in his head. There was no other logical explanation for some of the dreams he was having. It had to just be his way of handling the situation, right? He sighed as he slowly rolled over, the bed felt hard beneath him as he tried to get comfortable. He kept picturing Harry in his mind, a rock in his hand as he examined it. It felt like a memory, something he’ d actually lived through. He felt regret twisting inside of him, he wasn’t sure why he would feel regret. He didn’t regret anything. Harry was at fault for this, Harry was why Louis was the monster he was now. 

“Someday, you will realise that Harry is not why you were turned.” Niall’s voice startled Louis and he turned his head slightly, Niall was once again looming over him. Louis would narrow his eyes if it didn’t hurt. He spotted the bag in Niall’s hand and shook his head.

“Don’t read my mind. No, I don't want it.” He forced out and his mouth felt dry. 

“Stop talking out loud. Louis, I was willing to let you die when you got bit. But, Louis. I’m not letting you go now, this is pain you don’t want. You have no idea how bad it fucking gets. This, that you feel now is nothing compared to a few days from now. The end is so bad. It literally feels like you’re burning alive.” Niall kneeled down with the bag in his hand. He brought it to Louis’ lips and Louis turned away. 

He didn’t care. Niall couldn’t know how bad it could get, he was a thriving healthy vampire after all. What does he know? He can feel Niall still standing over him as he tries to pull a blanket up to his head. Louis hears a heavy sigh before he can hear Niall’s steps as he walks away. Louis’ chest feels tight, he feels like there is a heavy weight sitting on him and he blinks into the darkness a few times before he slowly slips unconscious.

_Harry’s crying and Louis doesn’t know how to fix it. He wants to wipe the tears away and calm him but all that falls from Harry’s lips are heavy sobs. Louis feels his heartbreak, feels anger twisting inside of him. He wants to hurt the person who’s done this. The person who broke his best friend's heart. Louis wraps his arms tightly around Harry and feels his button up shirt soak up the tears as Harry pressed his face into his shoulder. His body shakes with another sob and Louis can only rub his hand up and down Harry’s back slowly as he pulls them to the floor. Louis parts his legs and Harry scoots in between them, his arms between his chest and Louis’ as he cries. Louis slowly begins to picture every way he is going to hurt the person who did this. He isn’t sure who, as he was unaware that Harry had even been seeing anyone._

_He makes the choice to not focus on the fact that Harry had kept that part from him, instead he focuses on Harry. On running a hand through his messy hair, kissing his forehead as his sobs get farther and farther apart. Eventually, Harry’s quiet, just soft sobs occasionally that tell Louis he’s thought of it once again. Louis tugs at Harry’s shirt until it’s untucked and slips his hand beneath it, lightly scratching his blunt nails across the small space of skin he can reach. He draws little circles and random shapes that come to mind. He lightly starts scratching words into Harry’s skin, feeling the way he breathes slower and slower. He feels Harry take a deep breath and pull away from him. His cheeks are blotchy, red and his eyes look like he’s rubbed dirt in them; they're so red. Louis smiles weakly as he pulls a handkerchief from his back pocket and uses it to wipe away the remaining tears._

_Harry’s bottom lip trembles so Louis runs his thumb across it slowly and a small hush falls from his lips. “You’re okay. You’ll get through this, okay? I’ll be with you every step of the way.”_

_“I don’t want to lose you.” Harry looks down between them and Louis looks down also._

_He tugs Harry’s hands apart to keep him from digging his nails into his own skin, “H, you’re never going to lose me. It’s you and I forever.” Harry shakes his head a little and sniffs, more tears start to fall and Louis frowns as he reaches out with his thumb and swipes them away. “What happened?” Louis whispers as he tugs at one of Harry’s hands. Harry takes a deep breath and looks at Louis before he swallows, “I’m gay.”_

_Louis stares at Harry for a moment before he nods, “Okay. But what happened?” He doesn’t care if Harry is gay. He knows what the people around them may think but Louis doesn’t think the same as them. He would be hypocritical if he did, but now isn’t the time. He doesn’t want to tell Harry yet because he’s not ready to admit it to himself._

_“I thought Thomas was too. We kissed a few times, but we got caught by his brother. He told him I made him do it, and then he told his friends.” Louis runs the name through his head as he tries to figure out who Thomas is._

_His face must give his thoughts away because Harry supplies the last name, “Brooks” and Louis nods, he knows exactly who the guy is. Louis already disliked him for the horrible things he’d said about his eldest sister. He’s way too old for her and he’s very much on Louis’ list of people he would like to see stand at a pyre._

_“I will always love you, Harry. You mean the world to me and anyone who doesn’t respect you is not worth your time.”_

Louis sits up in bed, hatred coursing through his body. He’s breathing heavily as he grips the blanket on his lap. He lets out a shaky breath, feeling a hand on his arm. He looked over to find Niall sitting beside him. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Louis thinks he’s shaking he’s so mad, “I’m sick of these dreams. I’m sick of waking up feeling someone else's emotions. I want to kill someone so bad right now, and I have no idea who the fucker is.” He tenses up, his shoulders squared, he’s zeroed in on the foot of the bed as he feels Niall run a hand down his back, “You need to relax, Louis. You don’t have the energy to get riled up.”

“And you need to fuck off, Niall.” Louis shoved the blanket off him and moved to his feet, the room spins as he reaches out for something and finds nothing but air. He knows whats coming and he spits out a ‘fuck’ before the room goes black once more. 

___________________

Louis blinked into the bright light of an open window and groaned. He heard footsteps approaching and everything was hazy as he lay there, staring into the light. He wondered if he could still go blind if he stared at the sun. Niall stepped into view and Louis closed his eyes, he didn't have it in him to deal with him. He wished that Niall would just go away, let him be. 

“I know you think this is for the best, I really do. But you need to stop, you need to let me get some blood in you, Louis.” Louis wanted to flip him off but he couldn’t even move his arm. It felt heavy. Niall rolled his eyes as he sat down beside Louis. He patted him on the arm and smiled, “You may hate me now but, you sleep with your mouth open sometimes and it was too easy.” 

Louis frowned, he wasn’t sure what Niall meant until he saw the small shot glass tinged in red sitting on his bedside table. He looked back at Niall and shook his head, “Why?” “Because, Louis. I don’t want you to fucking die.” “You had been willing before.” Louis wasn’t sure why it mattered now. Why he couldn’t die now, but it was fine before he was turned. 

“Because you have a chance at something that you’re fucking refusing to see. And you need to fucking wake up.” Niall stood up and walked over to the window. He tugged the curtains closed and looked back at Louis. 

“There is so much you don’t know, that you really should know before you make this choice, Louis. And you need to do it before it’s too late.” Niall walked towards the stairs and Louis closed his eyes. 

“‘M a fucking adult, Niall. Leave me alone.” Louis attempted to yell out, unsure if it was actually loud enough for Niall to hear. 

But of course, Niall did hear him, “Than fucking act like it” was the reply that followed and Louis closed his eyes. He didn’t want to fight with him. He didn’t want to fight with anyone. He just simply didn’t want anything, any of this or being alive. He just wanted to fade away. 

_There’s a chill in the night air as Louis exhales, a slight fog showing his breath spilling from his lips as he breathes out and looks up at the stars. He could see so many and always looked forward to this time of year. He could see them more clearly during the autumn and winter nights, the sky always seemed darkest. He hears the familiar steps approaching him before Harry sits down beside him._

_“I think I pissed on a skunk.” Harry mumbles and it pulls a soft laugh from Louis’ lips._

_“Could have just gone to the outhouse.” Louis says as he tugs a long piece of grass and twists it around his finger._

_“Alone? No thanks.” Harry says before he leans back on his arms._

_There’s no moon out tonight and when Louis looks over at Harry, he can barely see him in the darkness. He wishes he could see him, sometimes the light of the moon is the best way to look at Harry. The way he tilts his head up towards the sky, the way his hair falls away from his face and Louis focuses on him for just a little while. His favourite version of Harry is after he helps Louis work on the farm all day and then sits with him after sunset and into the early hours of the night. Just listening to the night birds sing in the trees around them, listen to the late night bugs chirp and the world fall asleep around them. It always feels private to Louis, those moments._

_They are what gets him through some of the hottest and longest days, when he’s tired of shoveling cow shit left and right, gathering eggs and plucking feathers. When he’s fed up with having a farm and having to work his family’s farm also. Some days he just wants to lay in bed and disappear for a while. But knowing that the days Harry’s helping, that they will end up side by side in the quiet of the night together, those moments push him through. Those moments are everything to him._

_“You’re doing it again.” Harry whispers out as he looks at the stars above them._

_Louis looks away, spotting the dark figure of a horse beside another in the distance, “Doing what?”_

_He feels Harry move beside him and looks over, realising he’d moved closer. “Staring,” his voice sounds shaky as he speaks and Louis nods slightly._

_The air feels different, he can’t place it and his palms begin to sweat as he balls his hands into fists in his lap. He suddenly feels nervous, “Yeah.” he exhales._

_“I like it when you stare at me.” Harry says._

_And Louis feels like he’s on the edge of the world as he takes a deep breath before smiling into the darkness. But the distant yell of Harry’s mum echoes out across the pasture and they both mumble choice words of annoyance._

_“I should go.” Harry says as he moves to his knees._

_Louis nods and moves to his own and they both use each other for balance as they stand. Harry walks with Louis towards his back door and Louis looks at him as he pulls it open, “Maybe tomorrow you can stay over?” He has meaning in his words and he isn’t sure if Harry grasps it or not._

_But the lingering silence between them gives Louis hope that Harry knows what he’s trying to say. And another moment passes before Harry clears his throat._

_“Yeah, I’d like that.” Harry says as he turns away._

_Nothing else is said but Louis’ stomach twists with nervous excitement._

Louis came to with a groan and the bitterness of copper lingering on his tongue. He spotted the shot glass on the bedside table and sighed before he slowly sat up. Niall is at the foot of his bed, looking at him with a slight tilt to his head. “Why do you keep feeding me?” Louis asked.

“Because I fucking care about you. And I really wish you would realise, you’re needed.” 

Louis shook his head as he looked at Niall, it hurt to do that and he felt tired. He wanted to go back to sleep, but the ache, while not as strong, was still present and it hurt enough that he slid back down into the bed. 

“Louis, what was the dream this time?” Niall asked as he laid down beside him.

Louis looked over at him before he looked at the ceiling. An overwhelming sadness washed over him. He wasn’t sure how to say what it was without getting upset. Because right now, all he wanted was to be facing Harry. He closed his eyes and let the image flood his mind once more. The night stars high above them, the feeling of Harry beside him. Even if it wasn’t him, he pretended for a moment it had been him. He let himself believe for just a moment that it was a memory from years ago. 

“It was Harry and I sat beneath the stars. It was a time I don’t even know and I just know that.” Louis swallowed as he opened his eyes and looked at his ceiling. “I loved him so much. I wanted to just, I wanted him to be mine.” He swallowed and closed his eyes. It was too much to even think about. Because he can feel the way he felt in his dream. And it hurts now, it hurts because it’s not real. It’s just him dreaming of things he wanted with Harry, finding a place for feelings that he’s trying so hard to forget. 

“Did you ever think that maybe, they aren’t dreams?” Niall asked and Louis looked over at him.

Louis blinked a few times before he frowned, “Uh, okay no, because they are just dreams. The mind does weird things.” 

Louis watched as Niall sat up and took a deep breath. He looked at his hands before he looked at Louis, “Lou, you know I care about you, right?” 

Louis nodded, he’d figured it out by now.

“Okay, well the thing is, and no one knows this. Not Zayn, not Harry. Nobody knows my history. No one has ever asked, thankfully and I think you need to know it.” Niall glanced over at Louis before he looked away. 

And Louis wasn’t too sure he wanted to know it with the way it all felt more serious than it had a moment ago. He didn’t like it when Niall was serious, he liked when he was carefree and smiling. But now, he looked like he was upset and it made Louis upset too. Louis reached over and tugged the blanket up some, trying to cover Niall with it. Niall offered a slight smile before he reached over and held out a shot glass of blood. 

Louis eyed it and shook his head, “No, not taking it.” 

“Please? I need you to stay with me and while I got a good amount down you, I didn’t want to make you sick. And you look tired. I just want you to hear what I have to say.” He held it out once more and Louis sighed.

“Fine, only because I want to hear what you have to say, too.” He slowly sat up and took the shot glass and took the blood in one swallow. It was thick and warm and he hated it. He shuddered slightly before he slid back down beneath the covers. 

Niall looked towards the half wall that overlooked the living area, Louis had photographs sat on the edge and random knick knacks. He looked at his hands before he sighed, “I was turned in 1349, when the plague hit Ireland. I watched my family die, I watched my wife and child.” Niall shook his head before he took a deep breath, “I had the plague, I was sick and on the verge of death myself. But for some reason, a guy I had known for years turned me. He was always weird. And just, something wasn’t right about the man. I had no idea what he had done. He told me he saved me, I was a chosen one and I must live on. I was content with death, I had nothing left for me. I didn’t want to live a life without my love, without those that I had lost. I lost them all in a span of a month and I had no idea how to go on. I had no idea how to face a life without them, let alone as some creature that fed off of humans.” 

Louis watched as Niall picked at the blanket that was half over his lap, he focused on a string at the edge and tugged at it which pulled it looser. It would have bothered Louis, but he ignored it. Now wasn’t the time to be worried over a bit of string on an old blanket, Niall was telling him something that had to take a lot of courage to do. He looked up at Niall’s face and he looked away. Niall cleared his throat. 

“I had no idea what a vampire was for so long. But, he told me what to do, taught me how to do it. Made me watch as he turned another person, and another, and another and. I left. I couldn’t handle it. It was like he had no care in the world for what he was doing. I fled and went as far north as I could. I would feed on the way but, one day I was walking about to feed and I saw a woman come upon her husband. He’d been fed on by another, it was obvious and it was messy. He was dead. I didn’t want to be that type of a person that could easily kill someone. I was mourning and it all hurt. I decided to stop feeding. I gathered firewood and went back to the small cottage I’d found that was abandoned and just an awful place to live.” 

Niall sniffs lightly before he looks over at Louis. Their eyes met and Louis offered a gentle smile, “I decided I was going to just let myself die. I wasn’t sure if it would work or not but, I just didn’t want to go on. That was the most painful thing ever. Between mourning my losses and the hatred that was building every day inside of me for what I was. And the pain of starvation. Louis, I never want you to feel the way it burns. It felt like someone lit a thousand matches and held them all against my skin at the same time. I felt like my stomach was literally being pulled out of my body.” Louis swallowed as he looked away. Niall was still looking at him, but he couldn’t face him. He didn’t want to look at him right now because this was scaring him, “So how did you survive?” Louis asked as he let his eyes wander to a photo of his family. 

“Someone found me, she fed me and she healed me. She told me this wasn’t the way. I argued with her and it made me angry. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her gone because she pulled me back to health and I didn’t want it. She said that the pain I felt was only the beginning. She told me her husband spent 2 months withering away and rotting. She did what my maker never did. Instead of just showing me what to do, she taught me how to exist in this world as we are now. She told me the pain of losing our loved ones will never leave us, we carry it with us always. But that would get easier. I didn’t believe her. I didn’t want to believe her, but Louis. I hated what I was. I wanted to die and I didn’t want to be a vampire. But right now, I’m glad she pulled me out of that. We lost touch a few years later, but I see the world in a different light. I’ve met the most amazing friends who are my family now.”

“How do you stop the hate?” Louis asked as he tried to sit up, but he felt weak and sighed as he gave up. 

“I don’t think it ever goes away. None of us are always happy about what we became. Even Harry had days where he hated who he was. We all have our moments, but we just let ourselves have them and we move on. We find the good in this world and we cling to it, and you have so much waiting for you. Your time isn’t over, not yet. Louis, you need to get your shit together. You have an amazing story to tell and you’re just sleeping it away, hoping you’ll fade away. You won’t just not wake up someday. You will hate what you become far more than what you are now and there is a point of no return. I love you too much to ever see you get to that. I love you too much, to let you walk away from something that has followed you from life, to life.” Niall reached over and ran a hand over Louis’ hair. It was dirty and he should wash it but he has no strength to even sit up let alone get out of bed and walk down some stairs. He felt tired as he looked over at Niall. 

“What do you mean?” Louis wasn’t sure what Niall meant by the life to life part. He had an idea what he was referring to but he didn’t buy it. 

“Louis, I don’t know what to do, to make you see what you’re seeing isn’t a dream.” Niall pushed the blanket off of his lap and looked over at Louis. “I think you need to find answers before you decide your own fate.” 

Louis’ eyes drifted closed for a moment before he hummed, opening them back up to find Niall by the stairs, “How?” “Stop ignoring the dreams, and listen to your feelings. Go talk to Lottie.” Louis slipped under once more, and he didn’t dream this time. Instead it was just a soft feeling inside of him as he rested. 

___________________

Louis was still bitter, still angry. But he was feeding and slowly with each day he was getting better. He’d realised he did owe it to his Mum to go and see her. But he didn’t want to do it until he was better and until he was less angry. He was currently sitting in the sun on his small balcony, a light breeze blew across his skin as he squinted up at the bright blue sky. He could hear the distant sound of children laughing, dogs barking. Something he’d slowly learned to handle. His neighbours fought the other night and he thought he was going to lose his cool. He slammed the side of his fist against the joining wall and had forgotten his own strength, an indent being left behind from his moment of anger. He’d been embarrassed when Niall walked in and saw the wall, but laughed it off. He told Louis that he’ll get used to the sounds, the loudness. The way everything feels brighter. “You just learn to live with it.” He’d said. As if it was really that simple. But Louis wasn’t sure it was that simple. He wasn’t sure he could see it ever being so simple. However, the familiar words he once heard Harry tell him about his lost love seemed different now. Louis moved to his feet and stood up, he leaned on the railing of the balcony and looked down at the busy street beneath him. Niall had told him to be careful in the sun. It wouldn’t kill him but it could weaken him, make him sick. And if Louis wasn’t feeding regularly it would happen quicker. Part of Louis just didn’t care. But enough of him did and he pushed off the railing and headed back inside. He pulled the sliding door closed and pulled the drapes to dim the sunlight in his living area. He looked over at a bookshelf, a familiar old book laid on the 3rd shelf. He looked around the room to make sure he was alone before he walked over to the shelf and picked it up. He opened it to a random page and spotted writing. It was half cursive half print and he ran his fingers over the writing etched into the page in pencil. 

_“I hope someday, that I will be able to tell you how much you mean to me. I wait for the day that you will be mine and I, yours.”_

_Louis closes the book with the pencil in between the pages and sits it on the bedside table before he leans over and blows the candle out, sending him into darkness as he slides down into his bed. He smooths his hands over his stomach before he rolls over, eyes falling on the window that he left open. He can see hundreds of stars slowly becoming covered with clouds as he listens to the distant rumbling of thunder. He can already smell the rain in the air as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath._

Louis closed the book with a slam and tossed it back on the shelf, he exhaled heavily before he breathed in through his nose, a lingering scent of rain brought a frown to his face. He went over to the sliding door and tugged the shades to the side a bit. The sky was still clear and bright, with no sign of rain anywhere. He heard his front door open and close and turned to look as Niall dropped a bag by the door before he kicked off his shoes. 

Niall looked over at him and raised an eyebrow, “What’s wrong?”

“I smelled rain.” Louis responded. It wasn’t unusual for him to smell things after his dreams. But it always baffled him that he would. 

“What were you doing before that?” Niall already knew where this was going and Louis knew it as he walked over to him. 

“I looked at a book that Harry had given his love, the guy had written notes in it to Harry that he’d never gotten to read.” Louis said. He walked over to the sofa and sat down, watching as Niall looked at the bookshelf.

“You mean the one he gave you?” Niall asked as he picked up the book and held it out slightly, “Is this it?” 

Louis nodded, “That’s it but he didn’t give it to me. He gave it to the first love he had, the one that died when he was turned.” 

Niall nodded, “Yeah, you.” 

Louis rolled his eyes, “No, Niall. That isn’t possible.” Niall hummed a moment as he walked over to Louis and dropped the book beside him, “I think it is, Louis. I think you need to stop thinking of it being impossible.” 

Louis picked up the book and ran a hand over the cover, it was old and he felt slightly offended that Niall would just drop it the way he did. “Why do you say that?”

Niall sat down beside Louis and took the book from him, he opened it and flipped through the pages, he didn’t respond as he read a few of the pages, flipping them randomly. He sighed and sat the book on Louis’ lap before he pointed to something tucked between the last pages. It was a paper that had been folded long ways so it fit like a bookmark. Louis tugged it from between the pages, he’d never really paid attention to it. There were little bits of paper marking specific pages and he always ignored them. But this one had Harry’s name on it. This one was for Harry and Louis hadn’t ever noticed it. But the last time he’d actually sat and looked through the book, actually looked at it, was so long ago, he likely wouldn’t remember if he had noticed the folded paper. 

He could feel Niall’s eyes on him as he opened it, it was a letter to Harry and he didn’t want to read it. He didn’t feel it was his place to read something that was directly to Harry. It felt more personal than reading scribbles on the side of book pages. It didn’t feel right but he could hear Niall sigh. He knew he wanted him to read it, so Louis didn’t. He tucked it back into the book and looked at Niall. 

“What?” Louis asked as he closed the book.

“You are irritating me. You should have read that, Louis.” Niall said as he took the book from Louis. 

“Well, it’s not mine. Not my place either. How did you even know it was there?” Louis watched as Niall stood up and took the book back to the shelf and sat it down. 

Niall turned around and looked at Louis, he shook his head slightly, “I’d already looked through the book. It fell out and I picked it up. I skimmed it but I didn’t read it. I think you need to read it though, and you would know why if you would have done so. But if you’re not ready,” Niall shrugged a shoulder, “I don’t want to force you.”

Niall walked away, leaving Louis alone as he heard the bathroom door close. He looked over at the book and shook his head. Louis glanced over his shoulder towards the bathroom before he looked back at the book. 

The wind picked up, causing the shades to move slightly, a cool breeze washing across his face. He could smell a soft honey scent in the air and he smiled as a feeling of nostalgia came over him. He pushed up from the sofa and walked over to the book, picking it up once more and walking back over to the sofa. He sat the book down on the coffee table and ran his finger over the top edge of the pages until he felt the slight poke of paper sticking out. 

Tugging the book open, Louis came face to face with the folded paper. Harry’s name was on it, the pencil faded slightly. He glanced back at the bathroom door once more before he carefully pulled it from the seam of the book. He slowly opened the paper, being careful because it felt thinner, older. It was fragile and it was Harry’s and despite everything, Louis did not want to mess up anything that belonged to Harry. He knew how much this person had meant to Harry. He knew that even today he missed him with all his being and he loved him so much. Louis used to long for the day to have someone who would love him, even just a little. He could never imagine being loved as deeply, being wanted as much as this person was by Harry. His lip twitched slightly as he tried to not smile. A love so deep and a love that Harry never let go of had to be important, and it was obvious to Louis anytime he’d heard Harry talk about this person, that they truly were special. 

Louis carefully unfolded the paper, light pen strokes scribbled words and a small flower was pressed onto the page. It was white and the leaves resembled hearts. 5 heart shaped petals laid out in a circle and a little yellow center. It was dried and a few pieces crumbled at the corner as Louis moved the page. He lightly ran his finger across the middle of the flower. 

_Louis stares down at the page with a slight tilt to his head. He smiles as he begins to write above the flower he just stuck to the page._

_My Dearest Harry -_

_I hope that when I return this book to you, you will find this sooner rather than later. This flower is from the other night, when you snuck into mine and we went for a walk. You plucked the Night Phlox and tucked it into my hair. The soft honey scent reminds me of you when we lay beneath the setting sun in the summer evenings. You always have that cup of tea with far too much honey as you sit quietly beside me. If the wind blows just right, I can smell your tea._

_I often wonder if your lips taste just as sweet as honey. I often wonder about many things that maybe I should not. I can't help it, Harry. I feel things that we are told are unnatural, a sin even. But it doesn’t feel wrong to me. It feels right, it feels good. How can love be a sin? It makes no sense to me and I won’t let that stop me. I have to wait on you though, and I’m okay with that. I will wait as long as I have to because in the end, it’ll be worth it. Someday it will be you and I sitting side by side after working. Sitting together beneath the late night sky before we get up and go into our home, together. Until that moment comes when you are mine and I am yours, I will keep a piece of you with me. I will keep each flower you leave me, I will keep each little note you sneak me. I will keep every glance I see all in a place where no one can ever find them._

_Someday when we are old and the world has changed, I will sit beside you and show you all the things I have. I will show you the notes I wrote back in this book, I will show you flowers that mean the most to me. And by then, I will have shown you how much I love you, how much you mean to me._

_Until then, my love,_

_Louis Tomlinson_

Louis’ hand shook with the paper gripped tightly. He swallowed and shook his head, an airy laugh escaped into the air. He carefully folded the paper up and laughed once more as he heard the bathroom door open. He unfolded the paper in annoyance, maybe the name changed. Maybe he read something else and his brain just malfunctioned. But no, there staring back at him was his name. His writing. He swallowed and took a deep breath as he felt the sofa sink beside him. He couldn’t look at Niall, he couldn’t. Not when he was feeling so many things at once and he couldn’t figure out which one was from the dream or from now. He felt so much love and longing inside of him that it almost hurt, a lingering hatred was just beneath the surface of it and all he wanted to do was hug Harry, something he very well couldn’t do. He hurt for him, he hurt for him and he wanted to protect him so much. He felt so confused that it scared him. He looked down at the paper once more, the old flower stared back at him. 

_“I’m sorry I woke you.” Harry sniffs, a stray tear escapes his eye and Louis reaches out and swipes it away._

_“No, don’t you dare ever be sorry for waking me. You can wake me all you want, for any reason ever. You don’t deserve this, H. You are worth so much more than this world has given you. I want to hurt that man who thought to treat you so poorly.” Louis’ thumb slides down Harry’s cheek and across his jaw._

_He watches as Harry sniffs and wipes his hand across his other cheek before he looks down at the night flowers that have bloomed. So many Night Phlox stare back at them as Harry runs his fingers over the soft white flower with the heart shaped leaves. A few haven’t opened and they look like tiny crimson balls in the daylight when they are curled up. Louis reaches over and grips Harry’s hand._

_“Harry, I-” He looks down at their hands. He has so much he wants to say. So many things he should just say, maybe it would save Harry the hurt later. Maybe he would stop being led on by men who just use him to make a joke out of. Maybe he needs to grow up a little more and just speak the words he so badly wants to speak._

_“I know you want love, I know you want it, but maybe give it some time?” It sounds harsh to his ears as he speaks_

_Harry shakes his head slightly, “He approached me this time. I should have known he would be no good. I think he’s confused. He was fine until his friend caught us. These men, they are unwilling to own up to being who they really are. I do not understand it.”_

_“Harry, the world is a weird place right now. It just isn’t ready for some things. In due time I think it will be. And eventually, you will have the love you deserve, the man you deserve. He will love you until the end of time.” Louis already loves him so. He loves Harry more than anything else and he hates that he found out Harry is trying to court. He hates the idea of him being with someone who isn’t him. Because he isn’t ready himself but more importantly, he needs Harry to see it too. He knows Harry feels something for him, but for some reason they just don’t ever come together. For some reason they don’t talk about it. And Louis figures, the world isn’t ready for them just yet. But someday they will have their moment._

_Louis feels Harry’s hand pull away from him and he watches as Harry reaches down and plucks a Night Phlox from the others. He brings it to Louis’ head and tucks it in his hair beside his ear. Louis smiles slightly, the soft flickering of the candle sat on a wooden crate beside them casts a soft glow on Harry’s face. He looks so young, even with the scruff on his face from not shaving in a few weeks. He looks beautiful and Louis really does love him. Louis leans forward and places a soft kiss on Harry's cheek. It isn’t new, it is something he would always do to Harry. But this time, he lingers just a little longer._

“Do you not see it, Louis?” Niall’s voice sounded slightly distant as Louis shook his head. He felt like he was listening to him from another room. 

He blinked a few times and looked over at Niall, he had the letter in his hands and Louis took it from him and carefully folded it, “You should not have read that. That is Harry’s and it’s private.” Louis felt angry. He felt lost. 

“I know, I didn’t know what I would find and I didn’t fully read it, I promise. But I saw the name and felt you needed to see it.” Niall’s tone was soft and quiet as he spoke. 

Louis sighed as he placed the paper back in its place. The only two pages that had no writing on them, no scribble that he realised matched his own. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the scent of honey lingered around him as he did. He felt something deep inside of him, an ache like heartbreak. But he wasn’t heart broken. He’d been too angry to feel the pain of a broken heart. But this didn’t feel like his own pain either. He let out a shaky breath and his hands shook slightly, he felt like he was picking up someone else's feelings. Like they sat beside his own. 

“I feel someone else inside of me, why?” He looked over at Niall, he wanted these feelings to go.

“They’ve always been there, you just never let yourself feel them, Lou.” Niall ran a hand over Louis’ arm before he gripped his hand and gave a light squeeze.

“What are you on about?” Louis looked at their hands and squeezed back. He wouldn’t admit it to Niall but he liked when he would hold his hand. It was comforting to feel grounded sometimes. 

“You’re connected, you will feel him and he feels you.” Niall said before he pulled his hand away and patted Louis’ knee.

Louis frowned, “Why are you talking like that?” 

“Louis, I think you need to focus on getting better and then go see your mum. She won’t have answers but you need to take this step by step.”

“So why did you feel that I needed to see the letter? That fucking has my name on it?” He was confused. He didn’t understand anything right now and he just wanted to back track and start over. 

“Because I need you to stop denying what I think you already know.” Niall stood from the sofa, he looked back at Louis and sighed, “I think you know the truth, Lou. I think for some reason, you’re scared to face it.” Niall turned and walked away.

Louis could hear him as he went into the kitchen and he looked down at the book on the table. He wasn’t scared to face any truth. Was he? He shook his head as he picked up the book and took it back to it’s spot on the shelf before he went up to the loft and laid on his bed. He didn’t have anything to be scared of. The only thing he was scared of was having to live a life he didn’t want to live. He was scared of being a vampire, of living this new life that he never asked for. But he did need to see his Mum. He knew Niall was right on that one. He wanted to be honest with her, to tell her about himself and what had happened to him. Because he was always honest with her. And right now he just needed her. 

___________________

Louis gave himself a few weeks before he sought his Mum out. He didn’t want her to see him how he was. He didn’t need her to see him looking like shit. He wanted to look healthier, look better and more normal. Niall had commented that outside of the occasional gold in Louis’ rather blue eyes, he looked fine and as if he’d lacked some sun lately. Louis remarked that he did lack the sun, he also missed it. He wasn’t sure he could ever miss the sun as he’d always prefered the cloudy days. The more overcast the sky, the happier Louis was. Now he’d spend at least an hour out in the bright light of the late afternoon sun, soaking it up and breathing in the air he didn’t need. 

He’d decided one Friday as he sat on his balcony, shirt lifted up to his neck to expose his torso to the sun, he would go see his Mum that evening. He’d been avoiding her calls and texts, letting her think he was just busy with his life. When the reality was he was having a massive pity fest and had just needed some time. And while the time had passed and he’d sucked it up and decided to accept his fate, he still wasn’t happy with it. He decided that he absolutely owed it to his family to see them before he made a choice about his new life. He owed it to his Mum to see her and be honest with her. He knows she won’t be accepting of what he prefers to do, but maybe he can put up with this life long enough to see his youngest siblings grow old. 

The dreams had slowed, the steady heartache inside of him was a steady reminder of something he chose to ignore. He didn’t want to believe that it was Harry he was feeling. He didn’t want any reminder of him at all. He wanted to simply forget about him. Let him go and let him find a new love, one he deserved. Louis still didn’t believe he was Louis in the letter but it was something that scared him, for some reason. The idea that he was alive all those years ago and falling deeply in love with Harry. It scared him, it messed with him. He’d carefully tucked the book into a bag with a few photos Niall had given him that he didn’t look at. Niall had said he might need them, but Louis just shoved them in the bag and ignored them. He also told Louis that somethings may surprise Louis’ Mum and to be slow with this. As if he knew exactly what Louis had planned to do. Louis had decided he would be honest, tell her everything. Dreams, visions, and the feelings inside of him that he knows aren’t his. He wanted to be completely open with his Mum, he didn’t want to hide anything and he wasn’t sure how ready he was to do this. But he felt he needed to. He felt he needed to talk about all these things to someone human, to someone who hadn’t been alive for centuries. He admired Niall and in the end, he did appreciate everything he’d done for Louis. Honestly, it meant something to him that at his worst, Niall stuck by his side and helped him through it. But he also felt that his Mum might have a more rational way of viewing everything that Louis didn’t even want to face. 

___________________

Louis was sitting across the table from his Mum, his mug of tea had long gone cold and hers was on the third refill. He hadn’t said a word once he walked in and just sat down at the table. She came in and found him there and immediately sat down across from him and reached out for his hand. She tried to ask what was wrong but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to talk just yet. He just wanted to breathe in the smell of home, of his Mum’s cooking. Of the world he’d grown up in and moved away from. It brought emotions he didn't want but yet still welcomed as he tried to replace the hatred that had taken over.

“Not that I haven’t enjoyed this time, but I have a feeling there is a reason you’re here.” Her voice was quiet, just above a whisper as she spoke. Louis lifted his eyes from his cold mug of tea to her face while she took a slow sip of her own. He nodded and took a deep breath, “I was turned.” 

The mug lingered in front of her mouth for a moment before she sat it down, “Oh. Did you want this?” Louis shook his head and she nodded her own, “Oh, baby.” 

Something about the soft way she spoke made new emotions push through the anger he still held inside of him. He swallowed and crossed his arms on the table before he laid his head down on top of them. He could feel the moisture of his breath hit back against his face as a quiet sob fell from his lips. He hadn’t let himself feel anything but the anger for what had happened. But something about the way she had said those words, about her presence alone. It let the dam of anger collapse and the wave of sorrow hit him. He wasn’t going to try and shove it back down either. He didn’t want to. He wanted to feel something else, he wanted to cry and have a pity party. And he knew she’d let him have it. The sound of her chair scratching across the tile floor. The soft sound of her bare feet on the floor as she came over and sat down beside him. He could smell her perfume as she rounded him and ran her fingers through his hair. A whispered hush, followed by calming words that told him he was okay. Reminding him he was safe and it was okay. She encouraged him to let it out as he kept his face down, sobbing into the wooden table and her fingers brushed through his hair. She told him he’d be okay and to just let it happen. She never told him to not feel what he felt, always encouraged all her kids to face what they feel, and let their emotions out. Louis could hear one of his sisters come in and a soft oh no drift into the air. He felt her hand on his back and pulled his head up to come face to face with her. She offered a soft smile before she stood up from the kneeling position and draped herself over Louis’ back and hugged him tightly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. One thing he’d never questioned in his life was that he was loved. He was loved and wanted by his family and it was always what got him through the hard times. They always rooted for him, supported him and did whatever to get him back on his feet. 

“I love you” Fizzy whispered against the back of his neck before he felt her move away. He sat up and his Mom pushed a napkin towards him.

“I’ve just been so angry.” The words came out unprompted as he heard his sister sit down across from him where his Mum had been. 

His Mum reached out and used a napkin to wipe away his tears and he looked over at her, “I don’t know where to begin.” 

“From the beginning.” 

___________________

Starting from the beginning had been hard for Louis to do. It meant talking about Harry, it meant discussing the boy he’d fallen so hard for. But neither of the two said a word, or his other sister when she got curious about what was going on and sat down beside Fizzy. No one batted an eye when he admitted that Harry was a vampire, that he’d befriended a group of them even. There was no surprise when he talked about being turned and the heavy anger he felt. They listened to every word, focused on him and let him speak. When he admitted he’d refused to feed, refused to drink because he’d wanted to stop existing. Their eyes shifted to the table, a hand gripped Louis’ from his left and he looked over to find his Mum. She nodded, encouraging him to go on. It was hard to try and express everything he wanted. Difficult to put his thoughts into words. But it was harder to pull the book from his bag and set it on the table. 

It became harder with every word. He wasn’t sure if he’d be laughed at or blown off. Instead his Mum’s finger found the edge of the letter immediately as she ran her fingers along the top of the pages. She opened it carefully and pulled the paper out. She was cautious as she unfolded it with Louis watching her. He felt a weird protectiveness over the letter while she read it. He’d talked about the dreams. He’d talked about how vivid and surreal it all felt, how he’d feel the emotions, feel the air around him as if he had experienced them. His two sisters looked on as if they were listening. But his Mum, Louis could see the wheels turning inside her head. She wasn’t just listening to her son talk. She was sorting and filling things away. 

She gently folded the paper up and looked at the girls and gave them a nod, “Would you two give us some privacy, please?” 

They didn’t argue, they nodded and got up without question and left the room, he looked over at his Mum who was looking through the book. Louis remembered the items that Niall had given him, the ones he hadn’t looked at. He handed them to her and watched her as she looked at them. 

“Oh, Louis. This has to be so confusing.” She said as she sat a photo down. 

Louis averted his eyes, he didn’t want to see what pulled such a remark from her. He saw another photo be sat down in her peripheral and looked down at his hands. She cleared her throat and stacked the photos neatly before she slid them over to him.

“Why are you fighting this?” She asked, a soft look to her face when Louis looked over at her. 

“Fighting what?” He was confused, he glanced at the photos and saw himself looking back. Harry stood beside him and the photo was old. It was on a porch and he was squinting as Harry stood with a blank expression on his face. 

He looked back at his Mum as she smiled. “I always knew you were special. I always knew that you carried an old soul. I carried you, I loved you and even before I gave you a name, I just knew you were amazing. I love all my kids, but there had been something deeper with you and it was obvious from the start.” 

“Niall keeps telling me I lived before. And I died and lived again, and it happened again and now I’ve been turned. He said in every life I hated vampires. According to that letter, if what Niall says is true.” Louis cleared his throat as he pushed the photo away and looked at another one. It was him and one of his sisters. Only she looked a little different. Her face was rounder, her eyes smaller. But he could see that it was her still. Her long hair in a braid over her shoulder as she smiled. But he looked the same. Just a thicker beard than he wears now, “I died when Harry told… when he told me.” It sounded weird to his ears. “I hated them then, I hated them every fucking time and now. I am one? Why me? _Why_?”

“This world is magical. We sometimes don’t get to see just how life works, how many souls continue on, life after life. We don’t see the beauty or the love around us. Because we focus and we ignore. For years, Louis there have been stories of past lives. Of little boys talking about how they had been females who died as adults. Even knowing names that they couldn’t know, ages and locations and how they passed. All turning up true. People brush it off, claim the parents pushed the story on to their child. For years, we as humans have all had dreams and moments where we felt something intense. And we brush it off. It’s just deja vu we say as we go on with our lives. But you, my love, never brushed it off until your early teens. You’d have dreams and you’d know things. We had amazing gardens because you just knew what to do. You didn’t fail history, you knew things and would often get in trouble because you corrected the teacher. You are special and all the lives you may have lived are still attached to you.” Louis nodded slowly as he looked at another photo, it was him and his Mum. Her hair was long and dark and in a thick braid. She had a more narrow face and wide set eyes. To anyone else it looked like a past relative, but to Louis he knew it was her. It was her in the 1940s with a smile on her face. He looked over at her and slid it towards her, “What about this lady? I feel it deep inside of me that it is you. That person looks just like me.” 

She took the photo and tilted her head a little as she looked at it, “It feels weird to look at this person's face, someone who I have a photo of and am told it’s a great-great relative. And to have my son standing next to her. I never thought about it when I would see you and a relative's face be so similar. I never questioned it. I have no doubt in my mind though, that we as a family, all our souls are together through every new life we live. It hurts no one to think we’re all in this together. I mean, love. You’re a vampire. You feed off of blood and you will live in a world that I could never even think of living. You will see changes I can’t even fathom, changes Doris will never know of. Why should it be so hard to think that maybe, you and this Harry lad, are soul mates who keep finding each other? Maybe your fate was supposed to be what it is now. Maybe, Louis, you were always meant to be turned.”

There was one more photo looking back at Louis when he looked down. It was the oldest photo in the stack. The corners torn and the photo worn away. But he could see it was him and Lottie. Both with blank expressions on their faces and her hair pinned high. Her in a high collar dress, and him in a suit. He ran his fingers over the photo and could remember it being taken. A man had been raving about being able to take a photo while a woman yelled at him for trying to steal other’s souls through his devilish tricks. Lottie and Louis had gone out to spend her birthday together. Just the two of them and he’d wanted her to have the best time. They’d dressed up and had an expensive meal and when they came across the man, they paid him and had their photo taken. Cameras were new to them and it was weird to Louis to see the image of himself staring back and unmoving. Lottie had been excited about it and that alone had been the best thing he had given her all night. The dancing and the dinner with her big brother was nothing compared to the photo she held in her hand. 

Louis looked over at his Mum and smiled, “This girl. Her name is Charlotte. I know her as Lottie and I knew her as that back then. She was my sister. I met her sometime back when I was still.” He shook his head, he didn’t want to say it. “And I felt this instant bond with her. It felt like when I came home and saw the others. I couldn’t place it and I didn’t understand it. I shut her and everyone else out.” “Want to know a little secret?” His Mum asked quietly as she leaned over a little. She slid the photo towards herself. “I sometimes dream of a blonde haired little girl. I never knew why, and I never bothered to think much of it. I love all my babies, I will always love them. But sometimes it was like something was missing.” 

___________________

“Louis?” Silence falls before he hears his name once more,“Louis, are you okay?” Louis looked over at his sister, her hair in a sloppy bun. While the house was fast asleep he went and sat out on the back porch. Cigarette to his lips as he watched the moon move across the sky. 

Daisy was sitting beside him, oversized pjs with one of Louis’ hoodies that he’d been wearing when he arrived tugged on over them. She looks so small, so innocent. But there’s something different about her. Something that he can sense in her. She looked over at him and blinked a few times with a slight frown on her face. He sighed and moved closer to her, his elbow nudged against her. 

“Does Mum know?” He asked her. 

She doesn’t try to even pretend to not know what he’s on about, instead she simply nodded. 

“When did it happen? Was this a choice?” He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, he really doesn’t. But she’s so young. At least Louis was nearing his 30s. She’s only 17. 

“It wasn’t a choice. I had been walking home alone when we had a series of rogues around. Mum had told me not to be out alone, it was all over the news.” She wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes on her hands as she picked at a frayed string on the hoodie sleeve.

“I remember, they warned people until they caught them to stay in groups. So what happened?” He keeps himself composed, both angry his little sister is stuck at 17 forever and angry that this was kept from him. 

“My ride never showed and it was getting dark. My phone was dead and I didn’t know what to do, so I just walked home. Pheebs was ill and home that day. I don’t always go right home, sometimes I spend time with friends so Mum didn’t know.” 

“How did Phoebe take it?” He swallowed as he wrapped an arm around his little sister and tugged her closer. 

“She was so angry. But, she asked Mum if she could be turned later. Once she’s a bit older. Mum said what she chooses to do with her life as an adult is up to her. But she can’t let me sway her decision. She needs to decide for herself.” She wrapped one of her arms around his stomach and Louis felt her twist her hand in his shirt. 

He can’t imagine being turned so young. He has no idea how to help her and he just feels like he has to. He sighs and kisses the top of her head, “I have some things I need to figure out in my life. But, you have me, always. Okay? And Mum is right, she has to make that choice for herself.” “I know. I just get scared sometimes. I feel alone even though no one treats me differently, those who know I mean.” She sniffed quietly and he could feel the tears soak into his shirt. He squeezed her just a little tighter.

“I may have someone you can talk to. She was turned many years ago, and she turned at 18. But you have to have an open mind.” He felt her pull away and looked over at her as she wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of the hoodie.

“I’ll tell you later. But, go ask Mum if I can steal you for a few days.” 

Louis watched as she nodded and stood from her spot on the steps. He closed his eyes once he heard the sound of the door closing behind her and clenched his fists. He breathed in and out slowly, letting himself have this moment to feel the hatred and anger for whoever did this to his little sister. He gave himself this moment to feel it, acknowledge it. And then he breathed out heavily and let it go. He wouldn’t allow himself to be angry in front of her, she didn’t need that. Daisy needed someone who could be supportive, who understood. He wanted to find out who it was, he wanted to kill them for doing this to her, especially when she was so young. But he needed to let it go and be there for her. 

Louis watched as the sun slowly began to rise above the horizon, the bright rays lighting up the dark sky. He could hear the begining sounds of birds waking as he closed his eyes and breathed in the early morning air. He didn’t really have a plan in mind, except that he hoped Lottie would let him in. He owed her an apology. He owed one to many people, but the way he left things with Lottie weighed on his mind. He needed her. Daisy was his sister too, and she needed someone who could help her. She needed someone who understood what she was dealing with. 

___________________

Leaving his Mum’s had been a bit hard for Louis to do. He knew it wouldn’t be the last time he saw her, but he knew that she was also sending one of her daughters off with him. While it was only for a few days, he felt it might be the best thing for Daisy. And his Mum had agreed, in the end. At first she hadn’t been so sure, she worried it would confuse her. Louis hoped that it would be a positive, that she would have a similar bond as he did with Lottie. And he hoped it helps bring her comfort to know she isn’t alone. He also hoped that Lottie wouldn't slam the door on his face. He had rang Niall and told him what was going on, he wanted to see Lottie alone. He wasn’t sure how many vampires Daisy had been around since being turned, or even beforehand. But he worried about there being too much at once. 

For the most part the ride back to his place was quiet and easy. Daisy watched out the window as the world passed them by in a blur. She traced raindrops as they slid down the window and talked to Louis, asking what would happen now. He told her he was taking her to meet someone who was important to him. Which was true, Lottie was important to him. He’d always felt a bond with her, and it reminded him of his connection with his other sisters. And while it’s really hard for him to simply state she’s a sister of his from a past life, he’s tried to accept it. He feels stupid when he thinks of it, when he starts to believe for a moment that it is all true. A part of him still struggles with it even after speaking with his Mum. However, in the end he believes that Lottie can help Daisy in a way he can’t. 

They stop off at his place and he shows her the bags of blood that Niall has there. She hesitantly takes one but asks if he can leave her alone and he agrees easily, taking one for himself and heading down the hall to the small office space he’d set up. It barely had room for a decent desk and looked more like a large walk in closet. He sat down in the oversized office chair he had and leaned back slightly and tore the corner of the bag. Louis brought it to his lips and closed his eyes as he tilted it into his mouth. The thick liquid spilled onto his tongue and he hated the taste. It was still too coppery and bitter. 

He kept being told that different types had different flavours and some humans tasted a little different, which was why fresh from the source was best. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t sure he could ever do it. He heard footsteps approaching his door and opened his eyes as he licked his lips before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. A smear of deep red across his skin and he rolled his eyes. He also thought he’d never be neat about drinking. Niall seemed to have no issue, Louis was like a toddler with a cup of juice. 

Daisy approached his office and stood in the doorway, her long hair now pulled up in a neat bun. She stood there for a moment before she held out a photo. Louis motioned for her to come closer before he took it from her. It was the old photo of him and Lottie. He’d thought his Mum had kept it, he wouldn’t have minded if she’d had. 

“Mum told me to give you this.” Daisy said, her eyes still on the photo. 

“Did you know why I was home? Did Phoebe say anything?” He asked her as he sat the photo on his desk. 

She shook her head, “She just said you’d been turned and were sad. That you broke up with your boyfriend who was also a vampire.” 

Louis nodded, “That’s about the gist of it, yeah. But there’s more.” 

“How much more?” She asked him as she sat on a small stool by a wall of books. 

“So, apparently I lived in a past life. And, I knew Harry and this girl, Lottie. She was my sister.” He watched her face for a moment before he licked his lips, “And in my past life, you and Phoebe were there, Mum and everyone.” 

Her eyes narrowed in thought for a moment, “But how? I mean… ho- I mean.” She looked confused and Louis smiled a little.

“You know the photo albums of old relatives? We all come from somewhere, and it’s kind of like we just keep being reborn, life after life. And Lottie wasn’t because she never died. You all look different in the photos, but now…” He wished he had a photo that he could picture in his head. It was a family photo from the 40s. He could pick the twins out easily now, but he knows at one point it was just a simple, ‘oh, they look like the girls’. 

“You recognise us.” She finished for him and he nodded.

“Yeah. I don’t know why and I. Well, I don’t quite believe it if I’m being honest.” 

“Why don’t you believe it? What's to not believe?” She asked him as she stood from the stool. 

“I have these dreams of a world I don’t know, of a time so long ago that it just. I don’t know.” He watched as Daisy walked over to his desk and picked up the photo. 

“There’s a photo of you and someone else that Mum gave me. On the back it is dated from the 30s. She said I needed to make sure you do what was right. I don’t know what she means by that. But I sat it on the counter in the kitchen.” Daisy turned around and looked towards Louis, her eyebrows knitted tightly, “I don’t know what to believe either, but what's wrong in believing any of this? What harm does it bring to think that I may have a sister, from another time who is like me? Who does it hurt to just accept these things?” 

Louis tugged her arm towards him and pulled her into a hug, she sighed and patted his head before she gave in and hugged him. “When did you get so smart?” He mumbled as he let go before he stood from the chair. 

“I learned it all from Mum. She’s always thought we may have had other lives and lived in other times. We may never know the truth in it, but why not just let it happen?”

He nodded at her before he took the photo, “She was turned and she spent a large portion of time alone. I thought relation aside, she might be someone who could help you with this. I know I was turned also but, I think she could help you in a way I can’t.” 

“Well yeah, you can’t help me if you’re chasing your vampire boyfriend.” She said as she turned to leave the room.

Louis frowned before he followed her, photo in hand. “What? I’m not chasing anyone.” 

“You will be. And it’s okay, I understand.” Louis wasn’t sure how to respond so he simply didn’t. He spotted the photo on the counter in the kitchen and slid it towards himself. He had tried his best to ignore the feeling inside of him. The heavy painful sadness that took up residency beside his own heart. At night he swore if he laid his hand on his chest he could feel a heartbeat that he knew he couldn’t and then sometimes, it was like there were two. 

___________________

Louis had called Niall and asked if Lottie was around. He’d told him that it was just him and her at the flat and they could come anytime. Louis had debated letting Daisy rest and doing this tomorrow. But she was pacing and acting anxious, so he thought it best to get it over with. He was nervous because he didn’t know how Daisy may react. And because he wasn’t sure how Lottie would accept him asking her to help his sister. Who, if everyone was correct, was also her sister. 

Once they arrived Niall had opened the door and greeted the two of them with hugs. When they walked in Lottie was standing in the living area, watering a plant. She turned around at the sound of Louis’ voice and her hand tightened on the plastic pitcher in her hand. She shook her head and started to walk away before she turned around once more. Louis could tell that was when she noticed Daisy standing there. The pitcher fell to the ground as she stared at her. Louis stepped aside slightly as he looked at Daisy. Her face was emotionless but her eyes were shifting. He could tell she was taking Lottie in. He wondered if she was having the same feelings he had the first time he saw her. The strong feeling that he knew her, that he’d seen her many times before. 

Lottie took a few cautious steps forward before she looked at Louis, tears stained her cheek. “When?” 

“I’m not too sure. I didn’t even know until early this morning. It was a rogue, and I thought maybe you could talk to her?” She was nodding her head before he even finished his sentence. 

“She’s supposed to be our sister?” Daisy asked and Louis looked over at her. 

Louis shrugged slightly, “If you choose to believe it, yes.”

“Why do I have memories of her if I’ve never met her?” Louis raised his eyebrows for a moment before looking at Lottie and back at Daisy.

“Memories?” He asked Daisy and she nodded.

“It’s like a weird foggy dream? Like when you’re waking up and you can hear everything around you but you’re still in a dream. We’re on a farm and she’s feeding a calf.” 

Louis looked over at Lottie, she smiled a little, “I had a calf who didn’t live. The Mum wouldn’t let her nurse at all and we tried our best to get her strong. I was so attached to her and every day after studying you and Phoebe would come and sit with me while I fed her.” 

Daisy nodded a little, “I don’t want to leave her behind.” Her bottom lip twitches a little and Louis frowned. 

He couldn't handle seeing his sister cry, none of them. He’s sure he’s started crying a few times during movies because one of them started to. He felt a tug of his arm and saw Niall nodding his head towards the hall. 

“Let’s give them some time.” He said and Louis looked over at Daisy.

She nodded at him before she walked over to Lottie and hugged her. It was sudden and took Lottie by surprise but she wrapped her own arms around Daisy so Louis followed Niall down the hall. He saw a half open bedroom door and turned his attention to Niall’s back. It was Harry’s room and he almost expected to see him sitting on the bed with a book in hand. 

“We haven’t seen him since you were turned. Gemma talks to him but she isn’t sure where he is.” Niall offered the information up as if Louis had asked. 

“I didn’t ask.” He didn’t even think about it, he hadn’t even thought about it actually. The thought didn’t sit well with him, realising he hadn’t really wondered where he was. 

Niall walked into his bedroom and turned around, holding out a small sippy cup. Louis stared at it before Niall waved it at him. He took it and looked at the small cup. “Won’t be havin’ you dribble all over my bed.” Niall sat down on the foot of his bed as Louis walked over and sat beside him.

“You bought me a bloody sippy cup?” He asked and Niall nodded.

Louis shrugged and took a sip from it, it wasn’t easy but he got the hang of it. Niall nudged him and he looked over at him.

“So, what's going on with you and H?” He asked Louis and while it was a simple question, it had also been a loaded one. He wasn’t sure where to start. He wasn’t sure how to or if he even wanted to. 

He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to think about Harry or what all had been going on, because he really just did not want to face the facts. He wanted to stay oblivious to the world around him. He wanted to go back to the way it was and he knew that was never going to happen. He knew deep down that this was his life now and his little sister was forever a part of this world. It made him feel sick to his stomach to think about. 

“Okay, let’s try this. Do you miss him, Louis?” 

Louis looked over at Niall and frowned, of course he fucking missed him. How could he not miss him? He was so in love with him. “Yes.” 

“Why are you so angry at him? What did Harry do to you exactly?” Niall ran his hands over his thighs as he watched Louis shrug. 

Louis huffed out an airy laugh before he sighed, “I.” Louis shook his head, “I wanted him to protect me from this. I wanted him to keep this from happening to me. He was supposed to protect me and I thought he could.” 

“You knew though, right? That a bite wasn’t going to be full proof.” Niall asked, his tone was curious and Louis nodded.

“I knew all that. I knew, I just felt angry. _Feel,_ I feel angry. I don’t know anymore why I am so angry with him, why I feel so hurt by him. Because I know in the end, he didn’t do anything. He did what he could to protect me but...” There was no but - there was nothing else to say because that was it. Louis knew that Harry would lay his life down for him, he would do whatever to protect Louis and he respected him and his choice about vampires. 

He loved him so much but had so much anger coursing through him. “I don’t understand the way I feel and all I can think is if all I have been told is the truth, if it’s all real. Maybe my anger is from another time in our lives.” Louis looked over at Niall as he spoke, his face going from soft to a realisation as he stood up. 

“That actually makes sense, Lou. Do you know anything about your deaths? About the time you two had?” Niall turned away from Louis as he walked over to his phone. 

Louis watched as he picked it up, his thumbs moved across the screen quickly. Louis thought over the question for a moment, he knew only what he’d seen. And he still had a hard time believing everything. He wished he was like his sister, and just accepted it so easily. Though he had a feeling she didn’t fully accept it as easily as she appeared, maybe it was easier to go along with things. It’s all so overwhelming that going with the flow of it all seemed a little easier. Louis sighed, he never did like going with the flow. 

“Only the.” He waved his hand around in front of him, not sure what to call the visions or dreams. “Whatever they are, the dreams. I don’t even know anymore.” 

Niall nodded, “Louis, I know this is really hard to grasp. I could never imagine having visions of your past life including someone you knew as a human, who was there through time and time again. I have dreams and moments where I feel like I’m pulled back into my human life. But it’s always just a memory triggered by a moment I am experiencing now. And I know that the people I am facing, no longer live in this world.” Niall walked back over to Louis and sat down beside him, “I really wish I could take the struggle away from you, take the fear that I know you feel and any negative feelings. I wish you knew that accepting this would make it easier, but I understand how hard this has to be for you. But I really think, and Zayn does too. That you maybe holding on to something that happened between you and Harry. And Zayn said it’s not likely to fade until you face it.” 

“What if I don’t want to face it?” Louis licked his lips as he looked at the sippy cup in his hand. His lip twitched at the design on it, dinosaurs with space helmets on them. 

“If you don’t face it, Lou. You may have to live with these emotions forever. No one wants to be this angry and hurt for the rest of their lives.” Louis looked over at Niall. He looked sad and Louis wanted to hug him. He wanted to reassure Niall that it would pass. 

But he didn’t know if it would. They could be wrong, everything he’d been told could all be wrong. Or, it was all correct and he was being stupid and needed to face it all. Which was something he was struggling to do. He didn’t want to face anything. He knew he was being stubborn, he knew he was denying it all because in the end, all of this scared him. It was so much all at once and it was hard to take in. 

“Sometimes, Lou. We have to do things that we don’t want to do. Sometimes it scares us and even as vampires we face these moments, and you’ll do it again in the future. But when it comes down to it, we have to do it. And I know you can do this, I know you’re strong enough to handle this.” Niall ran a hand over Louis’ back. It was an act of comfort and Louis leaned into the touch slightly. He knew Niall was right and he hated it. 

“Right now, my focus is my sister.” He had to take it one step at a time, and she was his priority.

___________________

Focusing on Daisy only worked for so long. Before Louis knew it he was driving away from his Mum’s place and heading back home. Alone and leaving his sister behind. She had reassured him that she was going to be okay and that having Lottie to talk to would help. Louis had talked to Phoebe before he left and tried to figure out where she stood, how she felt. _“I just want to wait a year or so, live a life a little longer. I can’t leave her behind. I know what I want but I want some time.” She looked at her hands as she ran lotion over the top of her fingers._

_“Being her twin doesn’t mean you have to do this, she will understand that.” Louis didn’t want her to get turned because she felt she had to. He didn’t want her to be turned at all, but if she was going to he wanted her to on her terms. At least get the say in it that neither him or Daisy got._

_“I want this. I do, I just want a little more time.” She looked over at Louis, her long hair pulled up into a neat bun._

_He ran a hand over her back before he pulled her into a hug, he reminded her once again that no matter what he was always there for her, and Daisy. He would always be just a call away. It was always hard to leave his sisters behind, especially when things happened to them and disrupted their lives somehow. But he knew they would be okay. They were young and strong, they would see this through and it was only a hiccup in their road._

Louis knew that no matter what everything would work out, it always did. It always will. There would be light at the end of the tunnel, even if it took a while to get there. He needed to learn how to be more patient with his new life, with the new world he lived in. He needed to take it all one step at a time, but more importantly, he needed to face things. Whether he believed it all or not, he knew ignoring it all and shutting it out wouldn’t ever allow him to be at peace with anything around him. He could despise being a vampire and be bitter, but he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be at peace with it all and just accept it. But the underlying anger for Harry was still pushing to the surface. He needed to face it head on and get past it. 


	7. Chapter Seven

_ Louis. _

Louis was sitting with Zayn on his balcony as they watched the people move about on the busy street below. It had been weird adjusting to being a vampire, almost 8 months had passed since that day and Louis still felt disgust towards it. He remains bitter, missing the life he lived and sometimes sinking into depression. But he eventually floats to the surface, comes up for air and keeps going. He has people who need him, who count on him. He couldn’t give up no matter how much he sometimes wished that he could. He couldn’t leave anyone behind and he’d grown used to the other vampires coming and going from his life once more, it was made a bit easier now that he too was a vampire. He didn’t always feel so alone in this world. 

Zayn had started to bring up Harry, something that had fallen quiet in Louis’ life. Except for the dreams and visions, whatever you wished to call them. Louis had changed the subject at the mere mention of Harry, refusing to discuss him, refusing to allow himself to wonder if he was okay. He was okay, though. Louis could feel him and he hated it. He hated laying in bed at night and feeling the ache in his chest. Some days it wasn’t as strong as others. And other days, it was a hatred that Louis never thought someone could feel. Then there were the days where it was just a soft feeling of content. Where everything felt okay and Louis could handle those feelings sitting beside his own. It was often a stark contrast for a day or so before they would align and the feelings were stronger when they felt the same things. Louis learned quickly that he was feeding on Harry’s anger and would intentionally anger himself in hopes it brought Harry’s contentful joy down a peg. It worked. 

It became a game that Louis knew he shouldn’t be playing. Sometimes he’d push his own emotions too far and feel the sweep of sadness course through him. He’d give in and try to shut his own feelings out, not wanting to hurt Harry despite the fact that he _did_ want to. He would regret it each time when the creepy sadness would wash over him. He felt bad that he was likely the cause for it. No matter where Harry was or what he was doing, Louis would forever feel him. He accepted his fate, that Harry's heart would sit beside his own until their end of time. 

There were some days when the emotions seemed a little faded, just a ghost of warmth. Harry’s emotions would vanish for a few days before he’d slowly overcome Louis once more. Somedays Louis would worry when the days counted on and he felt nothing inside of him except himself. He never would have thought that feeling the anger of Harry inside of him would be something he missed. Slowly though, he would begin to feel the edge of annoyance or anger. A lingering sadness, or some other emotion and it would bring a soft relief to Louis. He wasn’t sure what was happening when he would barely feel Harry. He wondered if Harry felt Louis fade occasionally or if it was just something with himself. It was just another question that Louis would file away with all the other weird questions in his life. All the other questions that he would never have an answer to. 

He’d grown more accepting with each passing day, he’d grown to live with the way things were. He didn’t know what else to do and he was tired of being angry all the time. He was tired of the hatred that he carried, it was exhausting being angry. Which had been why he and Zayn were currently sitting out on his balcony. He knew if anyone could help him figure out how to navigate out of the hatred, out of the negative emotions he carried for Harry, carried with Harry. It would be Zayn. 

Louis tucked a foot beneath his thigh as he slouched down into the chair. He looked over at Zayn who was standing against the railing. It always made Louis slightly nervous when people would do that. He always worried the railing would give and they’d fall. 

“Can vampires survive falls from this far up?” Louis asked as he brought his cigarette to his lips.

Zayn looked over his shoulder at Louis with a raised eyebrow and Louis shook his head, “No don’t give me that look. I was genuinely curious.” 

Zayn shrugged as he pushed off the railing, “Depends on a lot of things.” 

“I very much have no desire to find out.” Zayn laughed a little before he mumbled, “Good.” 

Louis took a deep breath in and tilted his head back, letting the cool breeze wash over his skin. He loathed moments like this, they transported him to another memory. A moment beside Lottie, Gemma, or Harry. With his Mum and sisters or just himself. Lately it had been a moment where he was brushing a horse off, the dirt kicked up around him as the horse grew impatient. Louis would smile, talking gently to her as his hand ran across her flank. The air around him was musty, the thick scent of wet grass in the air as flies buzzed around him and his horse. It was always much more vivid than the other moments he’d find. He could feel the temperature of the air around him, the bite of a mosquito. Little things that hadn’t happened before. Those details made it all the more tangible.

When he would slip away into this memory, he’d always feel a sense of impending doom. Something heavy that sat in the middle of his chest. Each moment he held onto the memory, was another moment that passed, another new memory. Each time he saw more and more. And each time the thick weight would grow heavier. Something was going to happen, something he wasn’t prepared for.

Louis exhaled heavily as he moved to his feet. He wasn’t sure what was to come, he didn’t think he wanted to know. There was a lingering dread that he carried with him for a while after those moments. 

“Have you discussed anything with Niall?” Zayn’s voice startled Louis. He glanced over at him and shook his head.

He hadn’t. There wasn’t much he felt he had to say. Louis had just kind of left people in a weird limbo lately. He was talking to everyone he’d talked to before. Closer to a few, like Lottie. Niall still came around and was still himself around Louis, still trying to get him to feed. Make sure he was keeping bags stocked for Louis. It was hit or miss though, as Louis didn’t like feeling coddled. He knew though that Niall’s intentions were pure. A new vampire has their creator around to guide them, teach them. Louis had no one and without Niall, who knows where he’d be. He didn’t talk much with Gemma, since he wanted nothing to do with Harry and she understood it. They seemed to have an unspoken agreement to just ignore each other’s existences. It worked out just fine and he was okay with it. Overall though, he felt ok with his relationships with everyone. “Not really, he just thinks I’m reliving a past life somehow.” Louis finally spoke as he watched Zayn turn around.

Zayn looked over at Louis for a moment, “Are you not?” “I think it’s just some weirdness or something. Nothing too deep.” Zayn laughed lightly, “Why do you deny it? Many of us face our human lives coming back in flashes. You lived many of those lives, you lived a very rooted and woven world around another vampire.” Louis nodded, “I think you need to stop drinking from pot smokers.” “You’re a fucking idiot, Louis. Deny it all you want, eventually you won’t be able to run from them.” Zayn waved a finger at Louis before he went back into his flat. Louis sighed, a slight roll to his eyes. What’s to run away from? He could barely escape the recent one, he knew he’d just have to let it play out and it would pass, like most of the others did. At least he hoped. 

_________

Louis watched as Lottie walked into the living area of his flat. She smiled briefly as she walked over to him and sat down beside him. A soft hum filled the air as she hummed a random tune he didn’t recognize. She looked over at Louis and slightly tilted her head. 

“How are you doing with everything?” She asked, leaning against the arm of the sofa as she tucked her foot beneath her thigh. 

Louis shrugged, that was a question he was rather tired of answering. “About as good as I could be, I guess.” 

He didn’t feel like having idle chit chat to fill the space between them before he got the balls to actually ask her what he’d wanted. But he also didn’t like the idea of simply bringing her over to dig into her past. He wasn’t sure how she would feel about it. Even if she was supposedly his sister. She smiled briefly at him before she nodded.

“Right, well, Louis. Why did you invite me over? I mean, not to sound rude.” She glanced away before she picked at one of her manicured nails. 

He could see little things in her that he always had noticed. Certain mannerisms in how she moved, how she spoke. Things that were so like his other sisters that he wants to laugh now. She hesitated before looking over at Louis once more, “You’ve not exactly been kind to me lately. We don’t talk. Not like we used to.” 

He’s aware, he’s been aware all along that he’s pushed people away. People who cared about him. It wasn’t easy, it was however intentional and he doesn’t want to lie to her. Louis nodded slightly, “I know. I know what I did and how I acted and.” “Louis,” Lottie Interrupts, a hand on his knee, “You hurt many of us. We all cared for you, I mean we still do. Even Gemma cares for you. The thing is, we didn’t do this to you and you acted as if we had. It was hurtful to have you turn your back on all of us so easily. We love you, Louis. _All_ of us.” 

Louis took a deep breath, “So much happened at once and I was overwhelmed. My life was taken from me and I had no say in it.” “Do you think any of us asked to be turned?” She asked and he shook his head.

“I know, Lottie. I just —” He looked at his own hands for a moment before he let his eyes drift towards her hands. He shook his head, “I know in the end none of this was something many wanted. It wasn’t just being turned. It was so many other things that had hit me at once.” “So tell me about them, don’t shut me out. Related or not, Louis I care a hell of a lot for you.” 

“It’s confusing, all of this.” He waved a hand between the two of them, hoping to say what he didn’t want to say. What he should say. That she’s meant to be his sister. That he has memories of her. He doesn’t want to call them that. It comes and goes.

Louis felt he’d made steps, small ones, but steps nonetheless in everything that has happened to him. He wants to believe everything that he’s been told. He just struggles with it because it's all so much. Even though now that he looks back, they’ve always been there. The memories had always existed in some manner. Though the feelings were never as strong until Harry came around. And the memories got quiet. When Harry was with him, his mind grew quiet and the memories stopped. Ever since he was turned, it’s been like waves washing over him. One after another each bringing an emotion he wanted to avoid. He’d not only see the memories, but feel them, smell them. Sometimes he could hear them. There was something heartbreaking in seeing his sisters laugh as they ran through a field with their long brown hair flowing behind them on a late summer day. Something in the way he could hear his Mum chatting with someone else and her light laughter echoed through the open air. It was a form of nostalgia that brought an ache to his chest, a moment he found himself wanting to go back to. 

Louis ran a hand through his hair, a slight tug of annoyance before he dropped his hands to his sides. He lightly scratched at a small burnt spot on his sofa. He felt an itch in his head and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, he pushed away the memory that he could feel moving forward. He’d learned he could sometimes avoid them. Sometimes though they hit him hard and heavy with emotions and moments that he didn’t want to feel. He felt a hand on top of his and looked over at Lottie.

“We all have them from time to time, we just let it go as deja vu. You have to face them or they won’t ever be silenced. They only get louder until you can’t hush them out.” 

“Hush them out? What are you on about?” Louis asked as he turned his hand over, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. 

She glanced down at their hands, a small twitch to her lips, “Louis, you can’t ignore them. Part of being turned is losing the human you once were. You have to cycle through the life you once lived before you can live again.” “I’ve had them before I was turned. They just had never been so strong and they happened mostly in my dreams. It wasn’t until recently that I connected it all. But when Harry was around it was like a flame was snuffed.” Lottie smiled lightly at Louis, “Did you know that soul mates are more than partners? They can be friends and brothers and sisters. They can be enemies, they can be anything. I feel we have many soul mates. Souls that we meet again and again in every world we live. I’ve known who you were since the day we met. I’ve known I was your sister once, long ago in a time I never expected you to know of. I accepted that to you, I would only ever be a friend. Harry though, he knew you in ways no one ever could have. You didn’t let people in easily, back then. Seems not much has changed on that front.” She laughed lightly before she looked down at their hands once more. “But the Louis I knew as my brother all those years ago, tough as nails. Hard working -- not to say you’re not.” Louis shook his head, “No, I understand what you mean.” 

Lottie continued, keeping her eyes off Louis as she spoke, “I always knew there was something special between Harry and you. The two of you walking through the pasture late at night. Sitting beneath the stars together. I could see the way you’d look at him, as if he was the only person around. No matter where we’d be. You’d just have this look on your face and it was… you looked so in love with him. I always felt he was your one. When you” she swallowed and squeezed Louis’ hand, “When everything happened it was like the world stopped. I was turned, I turned Harry, you died. The world I knew went from one thing to another, and another, and another and it destroyed me. I destroyed it. I destroyed so much, I ruined lives and I remember it all like it just happened. I remember the way it felt, the way I heard the echoed cries from Mum when she saw you.” Louis took a deep breath and looked at her, a tear was staining her perfect makeup and she laughed lightly as she wiped it away, “Lottie, you didn’t know.” “No, I didn’t. I acted on impulse when I turned him, I fed too much and had no choice and I got scared. My actions led to your demise.” “Do you think that’s fair to say? Fair to yourself? To blame yourself for that?” Louis asked, he shook his head slightly, “Because I don’t.” “I do. Had I waited even two more minutes to go that path, I would never have crossed Harry. I would have missed him. One action caused a domino effect on everyone.” 

“I think--” Louis pulled his hand from Lottie’s and rubbed his palm over his jeans. He shifted some, turning more towards her. “I’ve always felt that the story of our lives has been written and everything that happened in them, was how it was supposed to go. Whatever happened, was meant to happen. Even if our actions caused a series of events to unfold that would change lives. I think that was how it was supposed to be.” 

“So you think, you being turned was meant to be?” She blinked a few times as she waited for Louis to respond. 

He sighed and nodded, “Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Deep down, yes. I do think this was how my life was meant to be. Maybe I was always meant to be turned, maybe I was supposed to have been turned centuries ago.” 

“Do you believe that you’re having memories of your life before?” 

Louis shrugged, “I don’t know what I believe when it comes to those. I know what I feel when they happen. I know that sometimes, especially lately. It’s all so intense that it almost hurts to breath.” “Lou, why is it so hard to believe in this? If you’re speaking to me now, with the things I could tell you about your past. I bet they align with a memory.” Louis narrowed his eyes slightly at Lottie, “Try me.”

She nodded with a soft smile, “Close your eyes, think deeply and just let them come to you. The first glimpse of me say something, anything.” Louis took a deep breath and sat back against the corner of the sofa. He pulled a leg up, tucking his foot beneath his thigh. He closed his eyes and focused on the darkness before him. He pictured Lottie and slowly the familiar itch started at the back of his mind. Warmth crept across his skin and he breathed out slowly. He could hear a distant sound of laughter, it came in waves as he focused, as he let the memory form. He felt his lips tug into a small smile as he saw Lottie, her hair up neatly in a bun. Her dress flowing in the wind like waves as she turned around with a bright smile. _“Louis” Lottie shouts, laughter spilling from her lips as she begins to run towards him. Louis crosses his arms over his chest, he can smell the dirt blow across his skin, “What's gotten into you? Not acting like a lady today.”_

_“Not actin’ a lady any day, Louis.” She laughs again, it’s louder and brighter and Louis can’t help but smile once more._

_“Mum’s going to be beside herself when she sees the mess you’ve made of that dress.” Louis shakes his head as he bends down to grab some hay, “Well, you could at least do some work since you're here. “_ Louis opened his eyes and looked at Lottie, her head slightly tilted, “A long dress, pink ribbon around the waist. Your hair was up nice and neat.” He watched as she thought for a moment, her face scrunched in thought. She slowly looked over at Louis, “I was supposed to have gone on a date. The man was far older than I was and I didn’t want to. Instead of going, I went to yours. You were sorting hay stacks. It was hot, one of the hottest days we’d had in ages. When the wind blew it felt like waves of heat licking across our skin. I helped you as best as I could in a dress. When we finished you let me change into some of your trousers and a button down, we both burned the dress with the rubbish.” Louis nodded, he could see them as the sun sat, the smoke of the fire billowed up into the air as Lottie took the pins from her hair down and the soft orange scent of her perfume mixed with smoke. “Okay, so. Let me think of one and see if you can finish it.” Louis nodded and watched as she looked at her hands. A sad smile tugged at her lips and he frowned slightly. She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily before she opened her eyes and looked at Louis. Sadness was written all over her face and she smiled weakly. 

“Oh shit, I didn’t think it would make me cry to think about. Okay.” She laughed lightly as she wiped a few stray tears from her cheeks, “It was winter. My best friend and I fought, I was supposed to see her for her birthday, and thought since I hadn’t heard otherwise that everything was fine. I didn’t know that” “She was moving.” Louis interrupted. It was something he remembered immediately, “The two of you had fallen out a week before, you hadn’t known she was leaving and she didn’t tell you or cancel your plans. She’d been your best friend since you were both toddlers. I remember, you came running to me. I was cutting firewood out by the barn and you were sobbing. You never saw her again, you never got to say goodbye or” “Apologise. All I wanted was to tell her how much I had loved her and how much she’d meant to me. I still think about her to this day. I found out she married a year later, had three children. She moved to New York where she died at 70.” “Is it weird? I mean to, know you outlived…” Lottie nodded, “It used to hurt. I was told by some other vamps, don’t go looking for your past. Don’t find the family you lost. Just let go, the biggest mistake I ever made, was that I went back, I went back and I went digging and--” Lottie shook her head as she sniffed. She cleared her throat, “You’re here, my family are all continuing to live on, just not with me. So, it doesn't hurt so bad. Not anymore, I still mourn what I lost. I don’t think you ever stop mourning.” 

Louis glanced over at the bookshelf on his wall, a familiar book laying on the shelf covered in a thin layer of dust. He glanced over at Lottie, “When I first met Harry, I learned quickly he’d loved someone. I learned that he had lost that person too. And I knew he still was so in love with them, that he missed them. I later found out that.” Louis was trying to accept things, trying to understand what all was happening. He wanted to just accept that every memory was a moment he’d lived before. It just messed with his head so much that it was hard to swallow. 

“You had been the love he lost?” Lottie asked as she reached for a tissue off the coffee table. 

Louis nodded, “There was a book that I have a strong memory of, that all my current life, I would read and look through, It has flowers between pages wrapped in a handkerchief. My -- our, I guess Mum used to tell me it had been in the family for years. I didn’t know at the time, I just knew that I would look at it late at night. Read the scribbles on the side of the pages. Apparently, I was the one who wrote in it. I was writing how I felt along the edges. I had written a note to Harry, telling him that it was basically everything I always wanted to say.” “He loves you, he loves you endlessly. He loves you so much and we all knew it.” Louis nodded, he knew it too. He’d always known it. He loved Harry also, loves. He loves him still just as he did before. It’s unchanging, no matter what changes around him now, he knows deep down. Harry will always be his light in the dark. “Somethings aren’t meant to be.” Louis mumbled as he looked at his own hands. “You go centuries, finding the one you lost, over and over again. Only to find them, see them change and know that they have no death. And you lose them again, it has to hurt. It has to crush you.” Lottie sighed as she looked at Louis, “I know this is hard on you, I know how hard it was on me but you, you relive moments time and time again. You have to accept them, let them in, let them pass. Let the old go.” “I’m not holding on to them, they can go all they want.” Louis scratched his chin lightly as he frowned.

“You’re holding onto something. You need to accept these things for what they are, you need to accept that the world isn’t one way or another. Magic happens all around us Louis, whether you see it or not. Past life memories are far from the weirdest thing to happen to anyone on earth.” 

“You think it's that easy? Just let them happen?” Louis asked as he moved to his feet.

Lottie nodded, “Yeah, I do. Daisy had visions of her past. She accepted me, she accepted many things. You really can accept these for what they are.” “Why has no one told me this is normal?” Lottie got up from the sofa and walked over to Louis, Louis sighed as she rubbed his back lightly, “Because, what you are dealing with is something greater. You have a bond with another soul. You have a woven bond that goes centuries deep. You have a rarity, and a choice.” Louis looked over at Lottie, “A choice?” Lottie nodded, “Louis, you need to figure out what you’re holding on to. What you’re supposed to see but aren’t. I think there is something you need to face. For me, it was my own change. I needed to face that night. I had locked it out over and over again.” 

_________________________

Lottie hung around for a little while longer before she left, leaving Louis alone with his thoughts. Everything they’d talked about, the few memories they shared. It was all circling around in his head. He grabbed a bag from the fridge, sighing when there was a shitty heart doodled on the one he grabbed. Done by Niall to remind him that he still cared, remind him that he wasn’t alone. He knew deep down he wasn't; he knew he would never fully be alone. Even if he wanted to actually be alone, they would always be near. His friends would be there if he needed them, even Gemma. 

Gemma, someone he really did miss. They had fit together perfectly, seamlessly, like two bookends on either side of Harry. She had wandered off to another city, disappeared to be alone. Louis didn’t dig for information, it wasn’t something he felt was in his right to ask. He would see her again someday, he was sure their paths would cross and he’d have a chance to say all the things he never said. All the things he should have said. And maybe someday, maybe at some point he’d cross paths with Harry and he could close that chapter of his life also. Until then, Louis had to keep moving forward. There really wasn’t anything left to do, but move forward and move on. Work at accepting that this was who he was now, a vampire. A person who was once human who now wasn’t and would have to drink blood to live. A person who wasn’t easy to kill and would live a life time over and again. 

__________________________

_Louis exhales heavily as he looks around, confused for a moment before his eyes land on the horse that stands beside him. She kicks up the dirt around them as she neighs, nudging her nose against Louis’s shoulder. He smiles a little, a familiarness to the horse. He runs a hand along her flank before he pushes his fingers through her knotted mane. Bits of dirt and grass tangle in the strands between his fingers. The air around him is heavy and thick with heat. It’s like a warm blanket is wrapped around him as he wipes sweat from his brow. His trousers, dirty with mud and who knows what else as he looks down at his legs. Louis can laugh, he’s having another memory._

Instead of just experiencing them in third person, he’d slowly felt like the lines between realities had blurred. He’d started out feeling the emotions, the temperatures and moments. To seeing the world through the eyes of his former self. He knew this memory, it was the one that always left him feeling breathless. It was one that he’d hoped would fade without another thought, it seemed there was something else at play as he closed his eyes and let himself go through the motions. He let his former self do as he pleased, do as he did so long ago. He had no other options but to ride this out. Feel the motions, feel the moments. Let them pass and soon enough he’d be back in his own reality, his own world. 

_Pippi lets out a neigh before she takes a few steps back and shakes her mane out. Louis soothes her as he glances over and sees Harry. He blinks a few times before a small smile forms on his lips. He’s been so worried about him, worried where he’d gone._

_“Harry, are you alright?” The concern is heavy in his voice and he watches, sighing with relief as Harry nods. “You disappeared, we’ve had people looking for you. Have you seen your Mum? Or anyone else? I sure hope you have. Didn’t come to me first. I mean you’ve scurried off before but--” Louis trails off as he brushes Pippi’s mane._

_It’s a blur after that, as if someone has hit fast forward on a movie. One moment Louis is brushing out tangles in the horses’ mane. The next he’s up in the saddle, looking down at Harry. Anger is coursing through his veins, he feels sick with it. He feels a growing disgust as he peers down at Harry with narrowed eyes._

_“I told you.” Harry’s voice echoes and Louis focuses on him. Even though he is staring at him, he hasn’t been looking. Fangs dropped, skin pale. Louis wants to reach out, protect him. But his former self is seething with hatred._

_“Leave.” Louis yells, his tone harsh and heavy. Harry is no longer the boy he’s fallen in love with, he’s an intruder. Gone is the Harry that he loves, that he wants to live and die with. Gone is the person who is his world, in its place is a monster._

_“Please, tell my Mum that I am so sorry. Louis, I am sorry. I **do** care for you, I love you.” _

_“Get off my land.” Louis yells, it echoes around the barn and startles a bird nearby._

_What happens next is slow motion compared to the moments before. Louis feels his former self breath in deeply as Harry takes a step towards Louis and Pippi. Pippi backs up, rearing up on her legs as she lets out an awful noise. Louis could see the world flip as he fell from the horse, he could see the dirt cloud up around him and feel the heat of the day against his skin before he saw nothing, before he felt nothing. He could just barely hear the soft sound of Harry’s voice before it fell quiet._

Louis stared at the wall in front of him, he stared at the picture of Harry and him standing on a porch. He felt sick and his head hurt. His back hurt, he hurt all over. His breath shook as he tried to breath in and out but it felt constricted. He didn’t need to breathe, but his body seemed to think that his lungs should be working. It hurt, it was burning as he gasped. It must have been enough to pull Niall’s attention from whatever it was he’d been doing. Because before Louis knew it he was kneeling in front of him. Niall put both hands on Louis’ knees and looked at him, his mouth was moving but Louis heard no sound. Just sharp pain overwhelmed his body. It felt like fire was spreading throughout him. 

Niall cupped Louis’ face in his hands and blew into Louis’ face, starling him. Louis gasped once more as he stood abruptly and ran his hands over his body. He looked at his hands before he looked at Niall, wide eyed. 

“What’s happening?” Niall sounded scared, Louis felt scared. 

“I saw it.” Niall watched as Louis continued to check himself, he was sure there would be an injury, something, anything, “My death.” Niall made a face before he cleared his throat, “Uhm, which one?” Louis looked over at Niall, frowning slightly, “Which -- the first?” Niall nodded, “Are you okay?” “It hurts, why does it fucking hurt?” Louis felt like he was broken, felt like his entire body was broken. He sat down on his bed and dug his fingers into the blanket. 

“You lived your death.” Louis looked over at Niall, “Yes we’ve established that, why the fuck does it hurt?“

“What hurts exactly?” Niall asked as he sat down beside Louis.

Louis took a deep breath, a breath he hadn’t needed but ached for. It felt easier now as he did, “Everything.” He couldn’t pinpoint it. He felt like he was riding a wave of emotions one after another. He physically hurt, he mentally hurt, emotionally he felt destroyed. “I don’t like this. I don’t want this. She said if I let it happen it will pass.” 

“Louis, Do you ever feel Harry?”

Louis looked over at him, “I think so.” “Do you think he’s feeling it again? Maybe that’s why it all feels so intense.” 

Louis almost blew him off, almost told him how he didn’t care. Louis ran a hand over his face, “I feel like no matter what happens, I’m forever stuck with his existence.” “What is so wrong with that?” Niall asked and Louis wanted to slap him. “I feel like you should already know the answer to that.” Niall shook his head, “I don’t think you even know, Louis.” “Pardon me? I know why, I know exactly why I hate that fucking vampire.” Louis stood from his bed, his body still ached and he clenched his fists at his sides. “Why? Tell me why.” Niall blinked up at Louis, waiting for him to speak. Louis rolled his eyes. “You know why.” Niall shook his head, “If you know why, why can’t you just tell me?” Louis looked over at him and sighed, “Because it’s his fault I’m a vampire.” “You literally just told Lottie you felt this was your destiny. That in the end, this was how it was supposed to be.” “Yes, doesn’t mean I would like it.” Niall stood up and crossed his arms, “How the hell is it Harry’s fault that a rogue turned you? How the actual fuck, is it any of his fault, that you are in this situation now? He spent years letting you go, living through your fucking deaths and you want to stand here and be angry at him?” “He killed me the first time.” Louis bit his cheek as he looked over at Niall, “He didn’t leave when I asked him. He was a vampire and I told him to get off my land. Instead he came closer and my horse threw me. I hit the ground and died on impact. I would have lived had he just listened.” “You are angry at something he did over 100 years ago? You have got to fucking let that go. Everythig that happened, all these fucking years of watching him watch you leave, Lou, all he has done is let you go. All Harry has done is live a world watching you fucking die.” “Well this is news to me, I had no idea how I died the first fucking time. Fuck! That sounds weird as fuck to say. Why is this happening to me? Why can’t it just go back to the way it was?” Louis ran his hands through his hair as he turned towards the window on the loft. 

“Because you two fucking idiots can’t get your shit together. Louis, for some reason the world wasn’t ready for you two to find your way. For some reason I had to watch Harry lose you, and live without you. I had to watch him find you and lose you once more. Zayn had to do it from the start, for some fucking reason it played out like this. And you’re going to just let it go? Just let him go?” Louis knew deep down, Niall was right. Harry had given Louis the chance to live a long life, he’d given him the chance at a normal life now. It wasn’t Harry’s fault he was turned. It wasn’t fully Harry’s fault that Louis had been killed the first time. Louis knew that, he just didn’t want to see that because if he did, it meant he had no reason to be angry. He felt Niall pat him on the back, it burned where his hand made contact and Louis closed his eyes. 

“I think you need to go find him. I think you need to talk to him, because you’re holding onto something, Lad.” Louis looked over at Niall, “Lottie said the same thing. But what am I holding onto?” Niall shrugged, “You need to find that out for yourself.” 

**Harry.**

Harry looked at the candle as it’s flame flickered before he snuffed it out. He stared at the candles on the kitchen table. 185 candles had melted, forming a weird formation on the table. White thin pillars of time burnt and put out. Little reminders that counted down the days since he’d last seen Louis. Once he arrived he’d found 5 white candles on the top of an old cupboard that was covered with dust and cobwebs. He’d laughed because at that time, it had been 5 days since he’d seen Louis. He’d gone out to buy more as the old farm house lacked electricity now. And he began to burn them one by one. He built them up into a distorted mess of wax that would burn all night while he sat and read in the living room by the light of an oil lamp. 185 candles that marked the slow passage of time, that marked the moments he lived without the one he loved. The one he lost again, and again, _and again_. The boy with the deep blue eyes who stole his heart over 200 years ago. The boy he’d fall in love with time, and time again, only to watch him slip away, slip from his reach and disappear once more. 

Letting go was one of the hardest parts to leaving Louis. Each time he had to leave him, each time thinking it was the last. Though this time, unlike all the other times, there was a sickening feeling that was sitting deep inside of Harry. A feeling that it might actually be the last time. That their paths may not cross anymore. But isn’t that their destiny? To continuously cross paths, finding each other in new times, new lives? 

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he clenched his fists at his sides. He refused to, no matter what and no matter how badly he wanted to. He refused to throw anything, refused to break the dusted remains of Louis’ life that he once lived in the home that Harry now resided in. He refused to bring any harm to the surface of the dusted old furniture, the forgotten photos that still hung crooked in the kitchen. But some days, Harry so badly wanted to grab the long standing mirror in the bedroom and throw it into the old wall with the peeled wallpaper. He wanted to watch the shards of glass shatter and fall to the wooden floor. He wanted to pull the peeled paper from the walls. He wanted to break the photographs of Louis’ smiling face into a hundred pieces. 

He wouldn’t do it, he wouldn’t let it ever be more than an angry thought. He’d let himself think about it, go out and chop more wood or pull more weeds. But he would never let himself fully give into the anger that flowed through him. 185 candles that he has lit, 185 days that have come and gone. He’ll keep adding to them, keep counting the days that come and go. He’ll stay where he is and live a life of solitude where the only thing that can hurt him, are the memories that surrounded him. 

___________________________

After everything happened, after Louis was turned. Harry knew he couldn’t stay there. He knew he couldn’t handle being so close to Louis, yet so far from him. He needed distance between them. He needed to be as far from him as he could, so he went to the first place he thought of. Unsure if that was even a possibility. He hadn’t been sure if anyone else owned the old farm house, if anyone had torn it down or lived in it currently. He came upon it one late afternoon, knowing exactly how to find it, even after 89 years had passed since he last saw the place. It looked abandoned and the land was overgrown. It tugged at Harry, having known what the place once looked like. Having seen the life that once lived. Now it was void of all those things. Now it was empty and overrun with weeds and the trees were either dead or thick with branches that had overtaken an old post that once held a yard light. The porch looked like it was about to fall apart, half the wooden steps were broken. And Harry walked around to a window that was cracked and peered in through the dust covered glass. A bed remained, a mirror stood upright in the corner. A memory of a time where he once stood in that room and watched as Louis buttoned up a dress shirt. Watched from the foot of the bed as Louis moved about the space. The warmth washed over him and he closed his eyes, letting the memory play out. 

Harry had found someone who knew about the farm house, learned that it still remained in the Tomlinson family. An old man who had to be around 93 kept looking at Harry with a slight tilt of his head. He was studying him, watching him. Turned out he was trying to place Harry. “You look like someone who used to help Mr Tomlinson years ago. My Mum had a photo of them with her. I was too young to remember. Mr Tomlinson moved away and never sold the place. Not sure why. His sisters would come around but, they’re no more and the extended family doesn’t seem to care. If they know of the place. Just been watching mother nature take it back.” 

“Well,” Harry smiled, My great grandfather knew Mr Tomlinson, our family remained close and I heard stories of this place.” It was easy to lie, when it wasn’t exactly a lie. The old man had nodded and waved Harry off, “No ones going to bat an eye if you do anything with the place. Think anyone who cared would have done something long ago. I do think someone stores some cows on the land, might have to deal with that.” It had been easy, and reassuring to know that if he went back and went inside, no one would bother him. Because he didn’t want to be bothered. Harry wanted to spend his time in the only place that had ever felt like home. Even if it tugged at him, even if it brought back memories he’d forgotten. Some that he wished he’d never remember. Harry slowly began to tackle the yard, tackle the home. Putting all the things he’d learned over the years to use. He fixed what he knew how to, made notes to have what he didn’t professionally fix. And slowly it all came together once more, slowly turning back into a home, back into the place he once knew. It kept him busy, kept him from thinking about Louis. Late at night when the world around him was quiet, as the candles burned, he’d let himself remember. Let the thoughts he tried to ignore swim around in his head and just let himself get lost. At least for a little while. He was constantly remembering Louis, feeling him. Except for the few times he wouldn’t. There had been a few times where Louis was quiet, as if he wasn’t there anymore and those moments always scared Harry. But then he’d slowly feel him, feel him sitting deep inside his chest and Harry would relax once more. Despite the anger he was feeling towards Louis, he wasn’t sure he could handle another loss that a death would bring. He wasn’t sure he could do that again for a third time. 

___________________________

When Harry woke, he woke to heavy clouds and distant thunder. The air was thick and humid. He threw the covers off, annoyed with the heat. Temperatures didn’t usually bother him, but he wasn’t immune to it. He ran a hand through his messy hair, a heavy sigh spilled from his lips as he got up and got ready for the day. It didn’t take long for him to notice the feeling inside of him that he was so used to feeling was muted. It had felt calm lately. A weird calmness that had washed over him one night while he was in the shower. It had been the same emotion for a few days now, he didn’t question it. He didn’t see reason in doing so, he tried to not question the way Louis would feel. He felt it was best to just try and ignore him as best as he could. 

Harry went about his day as he always did. Despite the occasional storm that would send a downpour. The sky would open up suddenly, drenching him in rain that cooled his skin from the heat around him. He’d started to wait the storms out on the porch before he decided to move inside. He had work he could do in the room he was staying in, slowly repairing broken wood slats of the floor. He didn’t want to remove the entire flooring, he didn’t want to change the house too much. He just needed it to be livable. 

Harry was on his knees with a hammer in hand as he tried to pull away a broken slat when he noticed it. The calmness had faded over the day, was vacant and now he felt nothing. It was quiet, too quiet. He dropped the hammer and sat back on his knees. Harry ran his hands over his thighs and sighed as the rain pelted against the side of the house. He watched as a few drops of water slowly slid down the wall from a leak he’d needed to fix. He closed his eyes and tried to search for something, anything inside of him. Sometimes when he thought Louis’ feeling had vanished, he’d been able to find a small slither of emotion. But all he found was quiet. A heavy quiet and an ache. 

Harry moved to his feet, and walked towards the bedroom door, the one across the hall was open and he took a deep breath. He always kept that door closed, he kept the room shut away and pretended it didn’t exist. It held too many memories, too many emotions. He shut that room out and blocked it from his existence. Harry walked across the hall, hand on the door knob as he pushed the door open. The bed was made, dusty from the years of being untouched, a few clothes laid over a chair, left forgotten. He’d always wondered why Louis left in such a rush, why Louis left everything behind. Harry didn’t bother to question why the door was open as he pulled it shut and pressed his forehead against the wooden door. He breathed in and out, and tried to focus on the sound of air leaving his lips instead of the void in his chest. He moved away from the door as thunder rumbled through the air and headed down the hall towards the living room. He could hear the wind pick up as it slammed against the house, and looked towards the front door, stopping in his tracks. 

**Louis.**

Louis knew where he was going, the road felt familiar and he drove it easily. It felt like something he’d done dozens of times before even though he couldn’t actually remember having ever done so. He came up to a 4 way stop and that threw him off for a moment. He chewed at his bottom lip as he glanced either way before spotting a large decaying elm along the left road. He glanced around once more before he took a quick left and the road slowly gave way to a muddy dirt road that was very uneven. He mentally tossed a quick plea to whoever might be listening that there would be no damage to the rental car. The rain had been unforgiving as he drove through the small oddly familiar town. A town that had changed so much from what he could picture in his mind. It felt weird, a heavy sense of dejavu as he drove. Mentally noting which small shops used to be what. 

It was easy for Louis to know where he was going, a strong pull to an old farm house that he could picture clearly in his mind. A place that if he swallowed everything and just accepted it all, a place he once lived in. Once owned and worked to keep animals alive and sell for income. He knows the entire history of the place and he knew how to get there as if he’d just left. He could see it appear down the road and his stomach twisted. The closer Louis got to the old farmhouse, the less he could feel Harry. That left him a little uneasy to feel the bits of Harry slowly fade into a void of nothing inside of him. 

He slowly pulled the car to a stop at the end of the yard. The grass was dead and patches of dirt littered the slight hill that the home sat on. A small path with stepping stones made its way up to a broken porch. Signs of repairs having been made recently evendent in the tools beside a railing and some steps. New wood replaced the old, rotted and decayed slabs that made the steps. Louis turned off the car and sat for a moment, letting his eyes wander across anything they could see. He licked his lips, the thick humid air and distant roll of thunder surrounded him for a moment. It pulled him back to a time years ago, another moment he apparently had once lived. The night was dark and the heat clung to him. A storm was moving in and he felt an uneasy feeling swim through his veins. Louis took a few deep breaths and pushed the unsettling memory away. 

He felt nervous, an uncertainty coursed through him as he opened the car door. He wasn’t sure what he would find inside the old home. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. He just knew he needed to come here. 

**Harry.**

Harry felt uneasy as he moved around the back of the house. He’d been repairing broken floor boards for most of the day, since the rain didn’t want to let up long enough for him to go work out in the barn or field. He was sure he was going to have to just tear the barn down, something he found difficult to accept as there was so much of him left in that barn, almost literally as there had been the old remains of candles that had been burned long ago. Candles that melted due to the heat and a few frayed blankets. It had become apparent rather quickly to Harry that no one bothered the property once Louis left. Harry has yet to find out what reason Louis had for leaving in a rush, for leaving so many things of his life behind. So many photographs and memories left hanging as if he’d return at any time. Harry wondered if Louis had left with the intent to return. He’d known that at one point Louis had moved away, moved to another town nearby but he’d never known that the house remained left untouched. The land was left to return back to the earth and left to be forgotten. Only Harry would never forget this place, how could he? He sighed and sat back on his feet as he looked at the hammer in his hands. A faint rumble of thunder shook the old glass pane of the window beside him and he ran his fingers through his hair. Harry moved to his feet and frowned as he realised he couldn’t pick up Louis. He’d felt a weird anxiousness inside of him all day and it grew softer, less anxious and slowly became muted and now, Harry could not feel him at all. 

He cleared his throat and sat the hammer down on an old dresser that was against the wall by the bedroom door. He walked out into the hall and headed towards the front door. He wanted to check on the chickens he’d bought a few days ago, before the storm rolled in. As he approached the living room he swallowed, a heavy weight in his chest. It was a feeling he knew, it was all him and no Louis and it was unsettling. It made his hands shake slightly because something was different and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t feel Louis at all. He was so muted it reminded him of all the times that Louis had died. 

The void that would curl up beside his heart and just swirl with nothingness. Harry took a deep breath and clenched his fists at his side. He couldn’t think of any reason why Louis would die. He was a vampire, the odds of him being dead were slim, highly unlikely and yet. Harry shook his head slightly, sweat from working on the floors in the humid air dropped to his brow as he wiped it away. 

There was a possibility that Louis was dead, it was a small one and Harry had felt the strong distaste that Louis carried. He had felt the sadness and the hurt that Louis had let wash over himself. Harry had suspected that Louis wanted an out to a life he never asked for. And Harry was very aware that there were ways to end one's life as a vampire. But he didn’t think Louis would actually do it, not as long as he had family. Harry breathed in deeply through his nose as he closed his eyes. He searched deep inside of him, trying to pull something, anything. Sometimes Louis would be quiet, almost completely gone from Harry. But Harry could feel the slight little spec that remained, only if he’d searched deep enough. This time though, it was nothing. It was empty. 

Harry heard the sound of a car door and looked up at the door. An unfamiliar four door sat at the end of the dead yard and he frowned slightly. No one has come to the property since he started to reside there. He watched quietly, remaining still as the door opened. He didn’t want to deal with anyone today, or ever. The reason he sought the place out was to be alone, to be left alone in all his thoughts and memories and to live out his life as quietly and secluded as he could. And now there was a person getting out of a small red car at the end of the yard and he felt a slight tinge of anger. He narrowed his eyes as the person got out, their back to him and he un-clenched his fist. His shoulders dropped as he stared, watching as Louis turned around towards the house. The sound of the car door closing muffled by the heavy rumble of thunder. 

Harry could hear the sound of air leaving his lungs as he breathed. Everything felt heavy and quiet around him as he watched Louis walk up the yard towards the porch. Harry swallowed and licked his lips as Louis pulled the front door open. He wasn’t sure how Louis hadn’t noticed him yet though, he was in a darkened living area and Louis was outside. Louis looked down as he stepped into the home, the floorboard creaking under his feet as the screen door slammed behind him like it had done all those years ago. Louis pushed his sunglasses into his hair as he looked towards Harry and sighed. 

“I knew I’d find you here.” 


End file.
